His Nightmare
by LeviosaFlight
Summary: Discontinued. Kikumaru Eiji has faced many opponents on the court, but now he is about to face one like no other - Leukemia.
1. Chapter 1: Let You Know

: sighs : Well, this fic means a lot to me. A friend of mine who was diagnosed with cancer awhile back died a few days ago. My father also died of cancer. I'm not in the medical profession or anything, my sister is so most of the information in this fic I get from her. I'm more knowledgeable with the psychological aspects of everything since Psychology is my major.

Warnings: I apologize for any errors in grammar, spelling or anything. Just, while typing in some parts I started crying. Also, this fic is UN-BETA-ED! And will remain that way. This fic means too much for me to have someone correct it when they don't even understand what's going on.

Anyway, reviews of all types are welcomed. I'll consider all flames as constructive criticism.

**Title:** This Nightmare

Part One of ?

**Pairings:** None. Oishi+Eiji+Fuji friendship.

**Warnings**: Crying, minor cussing.

I just thought that I'd let you know  
That although I'm far  
I'm close to you within  
And all the time spent by your side  
Is taken deep in me  
Held for me to keep

-Hoobastank "Let you Know"

"I'll be okay mom…I just want to be alone for a bit." I gave my mom and dad a small smile and turned away from their red eyes and worried faces. "I'll call you!" I called over my shoulder.

I walked down the sidewalk away from the building I had just spent hours in, away from my family, away from…

_Oh God. _

The streets weren't busy as they normally are, of course its Friday. Everyone is at school and the adults are working.

I looked down at my watch, 3:22 pm. If I were at school right now, I'd be suiting up in my Regular's uniform getting ready of practice. Joking with Oishi, Fuji and the other guys…

Right now, I should be with my family. My mom and dad, in their arms, having them comfort me and tell me everything is going to be okay.

But, I spent the past 6 hours with them, having them hold me and tell me everything would be okay…and they turned out to be wrong. Nothing is okay.

I'm sick.

I found myself in front of my school _Seishun Gakuen_ or as many also know it by as _Seigaku_. Walking up the short flight of steps, I made my way to the tennis court area. I could hear other students from other clubs laughing or cheering having fun, no worries.

After turning the corner of a building, I could finally hear the sounds coming from the Tennis courts. The sound of shoes scuffing the courts, the hitting of a ball with the racket, the sound of the ball as it bounces, the sound the net makes when a ball its it….

_Like music to my ears._

As I came closer, I could see Ryuzaki-sensai standing there her arms crossed as usual, her granddaughter beside her along with her friend Tomo-chan.

Taking a deep breath, I stuffed my hands deep into the pants of my cargo pants and made my way over to them.

Tomo-chan was the first to notice me. "Kikumaru-senpai!" She exclaimed, catching everyone's attention. I couldn't help but to blush when whatever activities were going on stopped and all eyes were on me.

"Eiji!" Ryuzaki-sensai, "Get back to work!" She quickly called to players and then turned to me, uncrossing her arms. "How are you feeling? We received notice from the office you were going to be out today."

What could I say? I felt somewhat okay, but at the same time I felt like- just blank empty.

"I…ano, I just had to get some test ran." I informed her, pointing to the crook in my arm that was wrapped in a bright pink bandage. I met her eyes; she looked worried, like my mom had when the doctor came in, before he told us…

"Gomen," I bowed to her, keeping my head down and my eyes tightly shut. "I- I hate missing practice…especially when Nationals are coming…"

I felt her put her hand on my shoulder pushing me up to stand straight. But I kept my head lowered. I couldn't look up…if I did, I'd start to cry.

_God, why did I come here?_

"May…I borrow Fuji and Oishi for a moment?" I had to tell them _now_; I couldn't let them here from anyone else. I know my parents would be contacting the school to let them know of my illness and then information would leak out.

I felt my Tennis Coach's hands leave my shoulder, and I heard her clap loudly, grabbing the attention of the club members on the court.

"Oishi! Fuji! Take a break from your warm ups! Echizen, Tezuka you two team up for warm ups!" She clapped again, "Continue!"

I heard the scuffling and panting of my two best friends as they ran over. "Eiji!" They both exclaimed.

"How are you feeling?" Oishi asked, I could feel his eyes on me and I felt him place his hands on my shoulders, pushing me a little- wanting me to look at him. I couldn't though.

I knew if I did. I'd run.

"I believe- it would be best, if you two changed and ended practice early today."

"Demo, Ryuzaki-sensei-"

"It's a order Oishi. I believe this is more important."

She turned away then, her arms crossed as she watched the team warm up.

I followed Oishi and Fuji into the dressing room, and sat on the bench as I waited for them to get changed. "Eiji…" Taking a deep breath, I looked up to meet Fuji's earth blue eyes. "Daijoubu?"

"Aa. We," I looked from him to Oishi and then down at my lap. "need to talk about something."

"Okay…" There was a silence; I know they were waiting for me to say something. _Not here. I can't. Not here._

"Lets go." I stood and we left the building and school grounds. We walked in silence, most the way. They asked me questions but I just shook my head responding with "Not yet."

When we finally reached our destination, I let out a sigh of relief to find out that the green container hadn't been moved yet.

It was weird, coming here with anyone besides Oishi, but Fuji…I looked at him out the corner of my eye. He's been my friend for since our second year, most our classes were together. If Oishi wasn't around…I had Fuji.

"Nya! C'mon!" I ran towards the container and jumped up, catching hold of the top edge to pull myself up. Once there, I notice no one had joined me. I looked over and down at my friends, who were looking at me, stunned.

"Come on!" I repeated, giving them a big smile. They placed their bags down and soon joined me. Fuji to my left, Oishi to me right. I stood, my hands on my hips taking a deep breath- enjoying the view of the hills and city.

I shut my eyes as a gentle breeze came; wiping my hair making it tickle my nose. I opened my eyes and looked down at them again. Fuji's face was serious, his normal smile gone his eyes open looking at me. Oishi's eyebrows were knitted together and his face filled with concern.

"I…" _Not again_, my eyes started to burn. The tears were coming back. "as you guys know…" I slowly sat down, crossing my legs staring down at my hands. "I went to the doctor today, just for my physical. My mom was concerned cause I've been really sluggish lately and…Sensei, suggested it too cause I've had some aches in my joints and stuff…"

"Like those muscle spasms?" That question from Fuji shocked me, no one knew about those or I thought. But it's Fuji, Seigaku's tensai.

"Yeah." I bit my lip. "Oishi, Fuji…you guys have always been there for m-me, and-and, you guys are my bes-best friends…" Damn it, I was crying, I could feel the tears as the trailed down my cheeks.

Two pairs of arms wrapped around me, I could smell both their scents as they held me close. Oishi liked to wear an American-brand body spray known as Axe while Fuji was something he ordered from France that made him smell like Candy Apples, in my opinion.

"What's going on Eiji, please, you're scaring us."

"They…ran test. A lot of them…and they found something. The-they found a lot of immature blood cells or something." I took a deep breath, preparing myself for what I was about to tell them.

If I say it, that means it's true. I have to face the fact.

_I…_

"I have cancer." I said, my voice barely above a whisper. But when I heard gasps and their grips on me tightened, I knew they heard me. "Leukemia…."

**Tsuzuku… To Be Continued…**

**A/N:**

Wow, I got this part done. I wanted it to be much longer, but I felt the next part I should have the others find out or something about his family (brothers and sisters finding out)

By the way…it was only his mother and father mentioned in this chapter because I don't know the ages of his other siblings however, I've placed them all scattered between then ages of 16-23 so in this chapter they are at school or work.

Also, if you know of Eiji's brothers and sisters ages and names, please let me know…or else I will create their identities….I'm an FBI agent now.

Wow, I got this part done. I wanted it to be much longer, but I felt the next part I should have the others find out or something about his family (brothers and sisters finding out)

PLEASE REVIEW!


	2. Chapter 2: Family Matters

**Warning for all chapters: OOC-NESS FOR ALL CHARACTERS! **

**Eiji's family **

(Note: no information on his family is official. Names, ages, jobs are basically off the top of my head)

**Kikumaru Mamoru**, 22. Eldest child, recently moved back home with the family after breaking up with his fiancé. 3rd year University student, musician. Works as a DJ at a local club. Loves his little brother and all his siblings with all his heart, has a tattoo of Eiji's name on his chest. (AN: O.o, my brother did this for me when I was sick as a baby….) very obsessive person with OCD of cleanness. Mamoru's nickname for his little brother is "Chibi"

**Kikumaru Emiko-** oldest girl, 19. Part-time, 1st year University student. Major in child care. Dreams to be a grade school teacher. Mainly works at home, helping her mom take care of the family. She is the mother-like sister.

**Kikumaru Hayata-** The middle Kikumaru boy 17. Shares a room with Eiji. 3rd year student a Seigaku High. Plays QB (Quarter Back) in the American Football Club. Secretly loves 'The Chocolates' as much as his little brother.

**Kikumaru Haruka-** youngest girl, 17 Hayata's twin sister. Shares in her two brothers love of sports. Plays volleyball also at Seigaku High. Haruka likes to call her baby brother "Koneko-chan"

Parents, grandparents and any other family will come later

This Nightmare Part Two of ?

_Family Matters_

Cause all I see is a tower of dreams  
Real love burstin' out of every seam.  
As days go by, we're gonna fill our house with happiness.  
The moon may cry,  
We're gonna smother the blues with tenderness.

–Family Matters

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

We sat there in silence for what seemed like forever, they said nothing just held me as I cried. I wasn't to sure on how much time went by but it was enough time for me to run out of tears and my butt to fall asleep.

Sniffing, I sat up wiping my nose with the back of my hand; I pulled away from their embrace. They remained silent.

"S-say something, nya." I tried to whine for them and flash a smile, but I failed miserably I felt my lip quiver and I thought I would start crying again. But, I couldn't.

"I…we," I turned slightly to face Oishi; I tried to read him, to see what he we was thinking. I got nothing.

"Oishi…" I touched the back of this hand, he brought his other hand over to place on top of mine, giving it a slight squeeze but he wouldn't turn to look at me. I just stared at his profile as he stared straight ahead, biting his lower lip, eyebrows scrunched together. "Oishi..."

I turned towards Fuji, I couldn't even see his eyes; his head was down slightly, his hands clasped tightly on his lap. "Fuji…"

"How," He started, his voice was barely above a whisper, "how far has it progressed?"

"They believe its acute leukemia since I just started having symptoms. They want to take some fluid from my spinal cord to see…" I paused taking a deep breath, "to see if it spread into my nervous sy-system. Then after that, I'll start ch-ch-chemotherapy."

"…when?"

"They want to start tomorrow, but…"

"But, what?" Oishi asked, he sounded shock, like my parents had when I told them I want to delay the therapy.

"I want to hang out with you guys. From all the shows and stuff I've watched when someone has cancer they get really sick and stuff…and if I…I di-"

"Don't say it." Oishi hissed, "don't say it."

"Gome-" Before I could finish he was gone. He jumped off the container and ran, only stopping long enough to pick up his bag.

All I could do is watch him run away.

"He's needs some time, he's in shock." Fuji said, grabbing my hand. "Come on, I'll walk you home."

On the way home, Fuji placed his mask on again. Eyes closed, smiling on lips. "You'll be okay. I'll be right by your side, you know that, right?"

I nodded, giving him a small smile. "Fuji, I'll call you." I bit my lower lip, "I was thinking about everyone hanging out this weekend. It's okay if I call you?

"Of course. " He continued to grin and I could feel him watching me as I walk towards my front door.

Once in front of my house, I hesitated. _I'm sure mom and dad told my brothers and sisters already…_

I turned to look over my shoulder, Fuji was gone. Sighing, I reach my hand out and to turn the door knob. My fingers had barely touched the cool metal when the door flung open and my eldest sister was there, eyes red her mouth moving but no words coming from her mouth.

My other siblings were soon behind her- we just stared at each other for awhile, Emiko made a small chocking sound as tears began to fall.

"D-don't do that onee-chan…"

Mamoru, my eldest brother, stepped around them and grabbed me pulling me in a tight embrace "Okaa-san and Otou-san told us when we got home."

Mamoru, my big brother, he's always been there for me. Still treated me like a two year old. While against his chest, listening to his heart beat, I couldn't help but to smile. _I don't think I'll ever grow up, in his eyes. _

Pulling away from him, we stared at each other for a second. My brother was a good head and a half taller than me, his hair is red like mine with some streaks of black, it was long past his shoulders which he normally kept tied into a ponytail at the base of his neck.

I turned towards Hayata, my other brother. He was leaning against the wall hands behind his head eyes closed. Being older than me by a couple years he was taller as well, just by a couple inches. Muscular but lean from his football training. His hair was short and spiky like mine was when I was a first year.

I was in someone else's arms before I could blink, my oldest sister Emiko. Again, taller than me, a couple inches taller than Hayata. Just as protective as mom, half the time people think she is my mom the way she worries about me.

"_Eiji, sit up straight." _

"_Don't slurp your soup."_

"Oh for heaven sakes, can we please go inside. Mosquito's are going to drain me of all my blood!"

I turned toward Haruka, my sister and I blinked a couple times just looking at her.

Haruka, Hayata's twin and 'daddy's little girl' mixed with the 'satan's spawn'. All sweet and lovely on the outside with her pigtails and smile, but spice and heat on the inside.

"What are you smiling about? Here we are worried sick abou-about…" She clenched her teeth and balled her hands at her sides in fist. "you…you baka!" She grabbed me from Emiko pulling me close, "you baka…baka!"

"Nee-chan, nya! I can't breath…."

She let go, her blue gray eyes staring into mine. "Let's go inside." She always shocked me, her mood changes and everything. Hayata followed her, he still hadn't said anything to me, I followed him, my hand stuffed in my pockets.

Once we were all inside I took off my shoes and met them in the family room. My mom and dad were there, drinking either tea or coffee from there cups. My motioned me to sit beside her, once seated she took me into her arms.

"Everything is going to be okay, Okaa-chan, everything is going to be okay…"

_Am I trying to convince them or myself?_

"_Leukemia is a serious cancer that infects the blood. While, it's easy to cure and the survival rate is high in most cases, there are some that aren't so easy…."_

_----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

Dinner was quiet for the most part; the normal bickering and yelling wasn't there. Made me uncomfortable.

"I…I told Oishi and Fuji." I said, while moving the peas around in my plate. Today, a western style dinner; Steak, mashed potatoes, peas, carrots….

"What did they say?"

"Nothing really, Oishi got really upset. Fuji…Fuji, I can never read him."

"I really wish you would have them run the test on you tomorrow…"

I shook my head, "All they are going to do is run test and more test, they aren't even going to start treatment on me for at least another week…I…" I let my fork drop on my plate "I want to be able to play tennis and be with my friends; once they start everything…I won't be able to…"

"Chibi-chan," I looked up at Mamoru, he had a small smile on his lips, "just for a little bit. But after they have that nasty cancer out of you, you'll be able to play in no time!" His smile grew then and I couldn't help but to smile.

"Oi! Chibi!" Hayata called.

I turned my head, and received a face full of mashed potatoes.

"Oh, dear!" I heard mom exclaim and dad let out a belly-full laugh.

"Oh really, nya?" I blindly found my plate and grabbed the handful of mush and threw it to where I believed Hayata was.

"Eep! Eiji!"

_Opps, I was wrong._

"Gomen Haru-chan!" I whipped the food from my face to find her standing above me, face covered with mashed potatoes. Her left hand was on her hip and in her right was her plate, she simply dumped the contents on the top of my head with a satisfied smirk.

"I declare a food war!" Mamoru voice roared.

"No! Stop it! Mamoru- you're suppose to reason with them not join---" We all turned to Emiko and her scolding stopped. "No." She said shaking her head frantically. "Mom! Dad!"

"Sorry Emiko-chan." All three of us said in unison before throwing the mushy contents in our hands at her.

_The way dinner should be, at the Kikumaru residence._

_---------------------------------------------------------------­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­_

**To be Continued….**

**-------------------------------------------------------------**

Author Notes: Eiji is going to refer to his parents and all siblings as "-chan" just to make him seem more adorable and vulnerable. I can picture Eiji curling in his mama's arms, calling her mommy! . Though, after this Japanese will be kept to a minimum.

This chapter is basically to introduce the family since they will be a big part in this fic, of course. Our PoT boy's will be next, don't worry.

Thanks to everyone who sent their condolences. I was deeply touched.

Thanks for the reviews! Please continue to read and review.

Thank you!


	3. Chapter 3: Stay With Me, Friends

_Sorry about the delay in updating. I've been working and just so busy with school and so forth. Also, my friend Joanna Rodgers a man recently confessed to murdering her. I've just been totally…I can't describe it._

_I don't want to believe she is dead. _

_Joanna Kathryn Rodgers of Lubbock, Texas. I love you and miss you! _

_**Title:** This Nightmare, Part 3 of ?_

_**Warnings:** This chapter is where Eiji tells the other guys not much action. Hopefully the next couple chapters will be…better!_

So I know that when it's time to sink or swim  
That the face inside is hearing me  
Right beneath my skin  
It's like I'm paranoid lookin' over my back  
It's like a whirlwind inside of my head  
It's like I can't stop what I'm hearing within  
It's like the face inside is right beneath my skin

-Linkin Park Papercut

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_I'm afraid._

I was standing in Kikko Park, staring at the large angel statue that was in the middle of a large fountain. It was early Saturday morning. 6 o'clock in the morning. Not many people were in the park, just me and a couple of joggers.

My back pack was strapped over my shoulder, not filled with books or late forgotten last week assignments, but, a change of clothes.

"Eiji…"

I turned around to see Oishi standing there. I smiled at him and he tried to smile back, but failed.

"I'm sorry for the way I acted."

"I know nya!" I couldn't help but to roll my eyes. "You apologized until my ears nearly feel off last night."

He nodded, and I knew he was going to apologize again for apologizing but he stopped and adjusted the bag on his shoulder. "So, where are we going?"

My smile grew and I looked around, and as suspected Oishi looked around too. Then I took a giant step towards him, I then leaned forward and he mirrored me and whispered, "S-E-C-R-E-T."

He stood up straight glaring at me and I could not control my laughter. "Oh Oishi, you should've saw your face!"

"Ha…ha."

"I told you already, I'm not saying until everyone gets here."

"Well, you don't have to wait much longer, we're here."

Looking over my shoulder to find the source of the voice I found my teammates and closet friends standing there. I couldn't help but to let out a chuckle as I saw Oichibi-chan he was trying to stand up straight but kept swaying though his cap was covering his eyes, I could tell he was falling asleep.

For a second I scanned their faces, just wanting to see the normal faces I see almost everyday. I know, when I tell the others my secret, later today those faces wont be completely the same.

"Why did you call us out here Kikumaru-senpai?" Kaidoh grumbled, I just answered with a small smile.

"Minna! The reason I invited you guys here and to bring a overnight bag is because," I attempted to strummer out a drum roll but just managed to spit over my chin. I let out an embarrassed chuckled and wiped my chin. "We are going to Tokyo's Sporting Club and Resort!"

There was silence, but I had caught Ochibi's attention, and they were all staring at me. "What?"

"The downtown Resort, with everything indoors?" Momo asked, and I nodded. "The one where only the rich and famous, which we are not, get into?" I nodded again. "The one where they serve shrimp as you play?"

Again, I nodded. "Yep."

"The one-"

"Momshiro, yes, that one." Tezuka said, shutting up the second year. I shot him a thankful glance, which he just returned with, "Why?"

I didn't let my smile fade, "I just want to spend some time with you guys. My dads friend is the owner of that Resort, so that's how I got us in. We also have their presidential suite." My smile grew larger at that and I could see their eyes grow wide.

I turned on my heel, again facing the angel in the middle of the fountain. Her peaceful face looking up at the yellow and orange sky, her hair and dress eternal flowing around her breeze or no breeze, her wings spread wide and far on both side.

_I'm afraid._

"…and later, there is something important we have to talk about. But," I looked at my watch it was 15 minutes till 7 o'clock. "We should get going, nya! They are expecting us at seven!"

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The day was wonderful. We spent our time swimming in the indoor pool as the very top of the 75 floor building, eating from the expensive but delicious buffet, Momo of course spent a large portion of the day getting messages and getting fed the jumbo fish he had been talking about the whole way here

Tezuka even let himself relax some what, I heard him every now and then bark out a laugh or two as he got a message. Who'd thought he was so ticklish?

Fuji and Inui had been playing billiards on the second floor for awhile before coming to join us with swimming.

Oishi stuck by me most the time, but not in a protective way as I thought he would, just as my partner like always.

-----------------

However, the day went by way to quickly and before I knew it we were in our room eating dinner. All of us were in the softest white bathrobes every made "Feels like baby lamb angels, nya!" I squealed embracing myself rubbing the soft fabric on my skin.

Ochibi was the first to speak after awhile, "Kikumaru-senpai, you said there was something important you wanted to tell us."

I put my plate down on the cart in front of me, "No there wasn't."

"Eiji." Both Oishi and Fuji hissed at me.

"I don't…I don't want to." I clenched my robe in my fist and shut my eyes tightly wanting to erase the cancer from my body, wishing I could just make it go away.

"Eiji…" Fuji put his hand on my arm "we are your friends, all of us we are here for you. You know that, right?"

I nodded, taking a deep breath.

"The other day, when I missed school. My parents took me to the doctor for a psyical. They found something…they say," I swallowed hard, and Fuji wrapped his arms around me and Oishi as well. Just like we did the other day,

_I have cancer. _

_I'm scared._

_I have cancer and I'm scared._

"I have cancer, leukemia. Le-leukemia."

They gasped and then there was silence.

"I started treatment Monday, that's why I wanted to spend this weekend with you guys." I opened my eyes and looked over at Tezuka, he was looking at me when our eyes met he didn't look away like I thought he would.

"Gomen Buchou…I'm going to try to get well before the Nationals-"

He shook his head slightly "You'll be fine."

I smiled, that was his way of saying "It doesn't matter, your health comes first. Everything will work out."

My eyes shifted to Inui who was next to him, though I couldn't see his eyes I could tell by his knitted brow he was calculating.

"Leukemia has a 67 to 80 percentsurvival rate. So, I have a good chance of being okay, right Inui?"

_I still have at least a 30 percent chance of dying. I could die._

_I might die._

_30 percentchance I could die._

He smiled "That's right. Plus, you are Kikumaru Eiji, so you have a better chance than anyone."

I laughed, knowing what he was talking about.

"Oh yes, the famous stomach virus of Seigaku during our first year. Everyone who got it was out for awhile, but not you. You got it one minute and than the next you were fine. The only one, besides Yamato-buchou, in the Tennis Club who was able to move."

"But, that was the longest week of my life, nya! Buchou, worked me to death!"

_Death. _

"That was because he saw something in you." Tezuka said.

_I have cancer._

I just rolled my eyes, "Yeah yeah."

"So…you'll be okay?" I turned to Ochibi-chan who was hiding his face under his cap.

_I hope so, Ochibi-chan._

"Awww!" Momo put his hand on top of Ochibis head pushing down slightly. "Of course, he'll be fine!"

_Please, I hope you're right, Momo. I don't want to die._

I turned my head toward Kaidoh, he was silent biting his lip and hissing. "I'll be okay guys. As long as you guys are with me!" I smiled and grabbed a lobster sitting on the cart and stood on the bed one hand on my hip and the other holding the lobster in the air. "My mighty team of Super Tennis Players!"

_Please, stay with me, my friends._


	4. Chapter 4: Reassure Me

**Warnings:**

Again, like in the previous chapter Eiji uses "-chan" and drops the respectful "O" when speaking with his family.

YES! I'M SWITCHING BACK AND FORTH BETWEEN ENGLISH AND JAPANESE. So, yeah.

(Note: no information on his family is official. Names, ages, jobs are basically off the top of my head)

Another warning, Eiji being the baby of the family, is going to be….babied and spoiled by his family. So…yeah, again.

Oh yeah…OC warnings as well. C'mon, you need doctors and nurses.

**Eiji's Parents:**

**Kikumaru Motoki**, 48 years old Eiji's father Manager for one of the top and most expensive Hotels in Tokyo. Though he gets paid good money, it is still hard supporting 5 kids a wife and his two parents who live with them. He loves his family, and feels he is the luckiest man in the world because of them. A undercover musician, when he was younger he wanted to become a famous rock star with his younger brothers but it all changed when he met Lynn Kakyuu, a half American Half Japanese dancer.

**Kikumaru Kakyuu**, 44 years old, her mother is American while her father is Japanese. Eiji's mother and former dancer A beautiful lady, with cat-like grace and a heart of gold. When Eiji was born she nearly lost her life due to complications for that reason she believes Eiji is her miracle child. (This will come up as the story continues) a stay at home mom and dance teacher on the side when she has the time.

---------------

Does anybody know this illness that I've caught?

I feel so devastated like I haven't slept all night

And oh what I've got has paralyzed my thoughts

Somebody reassure me that I'm gonna be all right

-Caesar, Rocket

--------

My parents picked us up Sunday afternoon, I was just chattering like there was nothing going on, as if tonight I was not going to be checked into the hospital, as if tomorrow I did not start my treatment.

_As if I wasn't sick._

_But I am, I am sick_.

I was sitting between Oishi and Fuji in the back seat of my family's minivan, just chattering, being the clown of the group and making people laugh.

"…and then, when we were leaving, Momo grabbed a handful of crab legs from the buffet, nya!"

My mom and dad, up front, laughed and shook their heads, mom turned from her place in the passenger seat to look back at us. "Oh I'm sure you grabbed something too." She accused me.

"Kaa-chan!" I gasped dramatically, clenching my heart. "I can't believe-" I stopped short as she gave me the _I'm- your- mother- I- know- everything-look_. "Nya, fine, just some of their chocolate mints, towels, and oh! The bath robe! But, I had to mama, it's so soft!"

She shook her head and laughed, "I did the same thing, when we went." She said with a wink and turned around in her seat facing forward.

"Did you boys have a good time?" My father asked, looking at us through the review mirror. Everyone chimed out a "Yes, sir" or "Yes, Kikumaru-san."

"Tell, Kumada-san thank you for us when you see him, Tou-chan!"

There was silence between us, the only sound being the music coming from the radio, as the van stopped at a red light in the center of Tokyo. I looked around at the city as if I had never been here, as if I did not live here, as if…

_I was going to die tomorrow._

I looked at the buildings, at the people crossing in front of us and walking beside us on the sidewalks. I watched, as a small child licked happily on an ice cream cone, the creamy goodness melting down the cone and unto her hand, but she continued to lick, not letting it bother here.

"-tomorrow?"

I snapped my head up, paying attention to the conversation I did not realize had been started.

"After school we will be there for sure, Kikumaru-san." Tezuka was saying to my father.

"Do you know what type of treatment he will be starting?" Fuji asked. I looked at him out the corner of my eye.

"Hm, the doctor said we will be starting chemotherapy after he does a spinal tap, just to see if it has entered-" My mother paused, and I could see her swallowing hard. "If it entered his nervous system, and…a bone marrow transplant might be needed. That is depending on if he responds to the chemo okay, and if it hasn't spread."

I bit my lip nervously, and began to poke at a hole in my jeans.

_Spread._

_Transplant._

_Chemotherapy._

_I'm sick….I'm sick. I'm sick!_

My eyes started the tear up and my vision blurred. I couldn't let myself cry, not now.

It wasn't until we dropped all the guys off at their homes, it wasn't until Fuji hugged me and slid the door of the minivan shut, it wasn't until I was alone with my parents driving home, that I let myself cry.

My mother climbed into the backseat with me, as dad continued to drive, though I could feel his worried looks as he watched us through the review mirror.

I wanted to be strong, I didn't want anyone to comfort me. I wanted to show everyone I was confident and strong. But I failed. I'm weak…

_I'm…_

_I am…_

"K-kaa-chan.." I chocked out into her blouse, "I'm scared!"

----------

Packing sucked, needless to say. As I threw things into my bag my brother Mamoru would just take them out and fold them.

"I wish you would stop that." I mumbled as I flung a pair of socks into the bag.

"And I wish you would be more organized."

"Why do I have to pack anyway, nya? I'm going to be wearing a hospital robe or sweats the whole time."

_And I could die tomorrow._

I could feel him roll his eyes. "Chibi, stop grumbling."

"Sorry." I slammed my dresser drawer shut, and yanked my closet door open looking for my favorite pair of sweats.

_I could die tomorrow, and all the things could be packed up and given to the homeless, or mom would keep everything the same and go crazy thinking I would be coming back._

After throwing things around and yanking things off their hangers, my frustration was growing "KAA-CHAN!" I came out the closet, avoiding Mamoru's stares. "KAA-CHAN!" I yelled again.

_I could…._

She came running into my room, her dark red hair wet and messy on her head, the wrinkled shirt and jeans she was wearing looked to be the ones dad wore yesterday.

"Sore wa nan desu ka, honey?"

I stared at her, "Did you get that out the hamper, kaa-chan?"

She blushed, and then glared at me. "Well, hearing you scream for me while I was in the shower. It was the first thing I grabbed."

"Oh, gomen."

_Mama, I could…_

"So, what is it honey?" She stepped closer to me, her bright blue eyes filled with worry. Her eyes reminded me of Fuji's eyes. She placed a damp hand on my forehead, "You still have that temperature, how are you feeling?"

I just shrugged. "I was calling you because I can't find my favorite sweats."

"Those pants trying to pass as Swiss cheese? Oh please, don't wear those!" I looked past mama to look at the door to see my twin siblings.

"No one asked you Hayata." I grumbled, stepping into my moms arms.

_My big brothers and sisters…_

"Such a baby."

"Hayata, behave." Mom scolded and then turned her attention back to me. "But, honey, that's sweats are long gone."

"No!" I pouted, "They are my favorite, they have little tennis rackets and stuff on them!"

I heard some chuckling behind coming from the door, "I think I have a good replacement." I pulled myself from moms arms to find dad beside us a box in his arms.

"Here you go son." He handed me the box and I opened it. I couldn't help but to let a squeal escape from my mouth.

_Papa…I don't want to…_

"My sweats!" I pulled out the black sweats with little white tennis rackets and gold balls.

"The same, but NEW, with a pair of PJs too. Hey, that rhymed." I jumped into my dads arms, hugging him, laughing.

"Arigatou Tou-chan!"

"You're welcome son. I just want you to be comfortable." He sat me down, and I sighed before I felt like I was going to blow my top- I almost did. But now, I felt so relaxed again, only my family could do this.

Looking around, I couldn't help but to smile. "Wow, I didn't know this room was so small. Sometime during the excitement my eldest sister came into the room.

"Well, I wanted to see what all the screaming was about." Emiko said, with a slight shrug.

I caught glance of the clock on the wall; it was nearly time to go. Mom must have known what was on my mind, because once again he had her arms around me. "It'll be okay, I promise honey."

_Oh Kami-sama, onegai…I'm afraid._

"I'm still scared. I don-I don't want to die."

If it was possible, everyone was holding me at that point. "You'll be just fine." They keep saying it.

"You'll be okay."

_What if I won't be? _

"Everything will be alright."

_How do you know? What if not?_

It'll be fine.

_What if it won't be? _

How can you be sure I will be okay tomorrow? In a week? In a couple months? How can you be sure that I won't get sicker? How can you be sure?

How?

I need someone to reassure me.

-----

TBC


	5. Chapter 5: He is My Friend

**PLEASE NOTE:**

Sorry I did not mention it in the other chapters. But, Ryoma did not go to the US Open.

Also, to those who have no read the manga I keep using some information and background from it. So, if you get confused of never heard of this and that happening, then most likely it came from the manga.

**Warning:** OCC-NESS!

Also, when Inui is talking about blood types and transplants, I basically had no idea what I was saying. So…yeah, I'm a psychologist in training, not a medical doctor.

I have no idea about Oishis family life and if he has brothers or sister or both parents. I read somewhere he had a little sister, that's about it.

And so we talked all night about the rest of our lives  
Where we're gonna be when we turn 25  
I keep thinking times will never change  
Keep on thinking things will always be the same

-Vitamin C

-----------------

**Tezuka**

**--------------**

Placing my over night bag down in my room, I slowly started taking out the few items I took with me to the resort.

I refolded a few, clean and unworn items, and placed them into my dresser and the worn items into the hamper, near the doorway of my bathroom. Once my bag was empty, I sat on my bed as I picked up a manila folder sitting on the nightstand. Inside the folder were a couple rough plans for practice before the Nationals and my opinion on what each person should work on.

As I scanned my teams' names, I stopped at Kikumaru Eiji.

Kikumaru Eiji, I would not consider him a close friend, we rarely spoke outside of school or practice. Hm, we rarely spoke during school or practice. However, there is something about him, something since our first year that made him interesting to me. I admired him in some ways.

How, he got along with everyone, even those who considered him and our team enemies. How he could smile even after loosing. How he could entertain himself, when there was nothing entertaining around. How he can flip, turn, and twist his way through matches and life.

He is not the strongest player at Seigaku, but by far he is not the weakest. He is the kindest person I ever met, and at the same time one of the strangest. Kikumaru Eiji is part of Seigaku's Tennis Team, and I am his Buchou.

Kikumaru Eiji, is my friend.

I closed the folder and laid it back on my nightstand.

Eiji, has cancer.

I stand up, and I pick up a framed picture sitting on my dresser, I stare at it and the faces of my team stares back. Eiji's bright smile and V for victory sign.

_My friend has cancer._

------

**Momoshiro**

-------

"Oi, Ecizen!" I call to my young friend as his shuts his bedroom door in my face. "That is no way to treat your Senpai!"

"Go away Momo-senpai."

"Echizen! Open up!" I bang on his door, a crab leg dangling from the corner of my lips.

"Fine." Slowly he opens the door, shooting me one of his glares. "Why aren't you going home?"

"It's Sunday, and it's only one in the afternoon!"

He sighs and turns away, "I hope you get sick from those crab legs."

"Oh, thank you!" I roll my eyes as he plops on his bed; I sit next to it laying my bag beside me. "Are you okay, Echizen?"

"I'm fine."

"Liar, you're upset about Kikumaru-senpai." I stroke Karupin as the cat came over sniffing at my pockets. When he did not answer, I sighed and continued. "He'll be okay."

He stayed silent, no surprise. "Last year, when I first joined the Tennis Club, Kikumaru-senpai amazed me, he still does. When I first saw his acrobatics on the court I nearly passed out from "ooo and ah-ing" too much." I paused, "I saw, how cat-like he was, and when he'd fall from heights a normal person could seriously hurt himself from, he'd land on his feet. And the few times he did fall, he would jump back up and laugh."

Still nothing from the kid. "He's strong."

"I know."

"He'll be okay, Echizen. C'mon cheer up, we promised our friend we'd be there for him." I grabbed the pillow he was laying on, out from under his head. Needless to say, he was not happy about that. Before he could counter attack, I felt a sharp pain on my thigh.

"Itai!" I yelp, as Karupin dug her claws into my leg most likely searching to the crab legs in my pocket.

Ryoma picked his cat up from the floor, petting her with a smirk on his face. "Good Neko."

"Bastard."

------------------

Taka-San

------------------

"Have you gotten the Koto order-" Takashi Kawamura's father came out from the back to inspect his sons work on a large order suddenly stopped. His son was leaning over the counter his head in his hands.

"Are you alright, son?" He walked over to the boy placing his hand on his shoulder. Taka-san jumped up, startled. "Otou-san! Ah, gomen!" He bowed slightly to his father and then looked at his wrist watch. "Oh no! I'll get that order ready."

"Kawamura, it's alright. But, are you okay?"

"Ano, I'm fine otou-san. I just have some things on my mind." Taka-san took one of the large round sushi platters from behind the counter, as his father came beside him getting out the igedients to make the sushi.

"I'll help you, son. What type of things?"

Slowly they started maked the sushi rolls and various other things, placing them into a design around the platter.

"You know, my friend, Kikumaru Eiji?"

"The hyper neko-boy?"

Taka-san chuckled, "Hai…well, he told us" he paused clearing his throat, "He told us he had leukemia."

"Oh, Kawa, I'm sorry."

"He started treatment tomorrow and, we're not close but he is still my friend, and I'm worried. I'm scared for him Otou-san."

_I've known him since our first years, he's a interesting guy who can always find a reason to smile no matter what the situation is. I envied how outgoing he could be, without assistance from any object, and how he wasn't afraid to speak his mind. I don't want to loose that type of person in my life…_Taka-san thought

There was silence between the father and son until the large sushi platter was filled and wrapped for transportation. As Taka-san lifted the platter and began taking it out to deliver it, his father stopped him.

"I'll make a special platter for the Kikumaru's tomorrow and we will take it to them?"

Taka-san gave a small smile to his dad, "That would be nice Otou-san. Arigatou."

**Inui**

Special Inui drink, so many versions so little test subjects.

"Kaidoh?" I poked him with my toe and shrugged as he didn't move. "Maybe I used a little too much Vinegar, Cod Liver Oil and Paprika."

After the Kikumaru family dropped me off at my house, I dragged a hissing Kaidoh with me. Not really wanting to experiment on him, but wanting to talk to him about how he was feeling since he hadn't spoken since Eiji told us…about his illness.

Leukemia, the childhood cancer. A illness that killed many young ones in the old days but now, a illness doctors consider controllable. If everything goes right the first time.

Today there are more deaths during a relapse, than in the initial illness itself.

Kikumaru Eiji, 14 years old blood type A.

If he is in need of a bone marrow transplant the family is where they look first. However, there is at least a 45 percent chance, that both his parents, will not be a match and his siblings 25 percent that they will not match. At least one of then is a O- and can be used, possibly.

I am AB blood type, if a bone marrow transplant is necessary I could possibly help. If it was a normal blood transfusion I was be a good candidate, but the marrow is different. More sensitive.

Momoshiro, Echizen, Oishi, and Tezuka are all O blood types. Universal donors.

Fuji and Kaidoh are both B blood types while Taka-san and Eiji are the A blood types.

My attention snaps to Kaidoh who is starting to wake up. "Feeling better."

He coughs, "Stay away from me."

I chuckle, and help him up. "I won't experiment on you again, for today."

"So you admit, you're experimenting on us!" He jumped away, hissing and pointing his finger at me.

"I never said I wasn't."

As long as Eiji does not give up, he has a 85 percent chance of survival. Knowing Eiji, he will not give up and I am 100 percent positive of that.

----------

**Oishi**

---------

Eiji is my best friend and he is sick.

Not just sick, with the flu or a cold or something but he has cancer.

Leukemia.

He could die.

"Are you okay Shu-chan?" I turn to my little sister and I try to smile, but I fail miserably at it.

"Shu-chan…"

She comes over to my side on the couch and hugs me and I start to cry.

I don't want him to die. I don't want to loose him.

I didn't know our mom came in until she wrapped her arms around me whispering to me and stroking my hair. "I know Shu-chan. Kakyuu called me and told me about Eiji. I'm so sorry baby."

I don't want to loose my best friend.

Onegai, Kami-sama, don't take my best friend away.

-------

**Fuji**

**------**

I always got jealous with the relationship between Oishi and Eiji. They are partners during matches, the famous Golden Pair of Seigaku, they were friends before I even transferred to Seigaku.

But, Eiji he gave me a piece of his heart and called me his best friend.

I love sitting next to him during class. It is very interesting when his mind wonders and then sensei calls on him to read something. His face is priceless, both from the fear of being scolded by sensei and then the relief when I whisper to him what section we're reading.

When I first transferred to Seigaku from my Academy in Chiba I, didn't know anyone. Rumors were already all over the school that I was some kind of "Freak" or "Stuck up Nerd."

Eiji was my first friend.

Eiji is now, my best friend.

What good is it to be this so called tensai, when I can't help the person who means so much to me?

"Aniki?"

I turn pasting on my normal grin, to face my younger brother Yuuta standing there in the doorway in his St. Rudolph uniform, his normal expression on his face.

"Why are you in my room?"

I shrugged, "I was going to watch a movie in your room. But, I didn't know what to watch. What are you doing home? You have school tomorrow."

"I do. I've been home this weekend and Onee-san told me you were staying downtown this weekend."

"Just got back a couple hours ago."

"Anki?"

"Hai."

"Are you alight?"

"Hai, I'm fine Yuuta." I stood up from his ottoman, and left his room as I walked down the hall to my room, I could feel him starring at my back.

I'm fine, as long as Eiji is alive, I'm fine.


	6. Chapter 6: What Else?

Wow. I want to thank everyone for the reviews! You guys are great!

**Attackfish:** You're right! I keep forgetting that race is a big factor when it comes to many illnesses and it stats! Thank you!

**Jay Kamiya:** Thanks for the info!

Also, again thank you so much for the reviews!

Warnings: Doctor…stuff that I do not understand fully but I know enough about it to attempt on putting it in this fanfiction. I apologize if its totally wrong but…I fix Internet as my occupation.

The title of this fanfiction might be changing soon.

**This Nightmare Chapter 5 out of?**

What else can go wrong?

Broken down in the mountains, what else can go wrong  
Playing the French Alps, chopping wood to keep us warm  
Getting paid with wine and bread, freezing in the cold  
If you think were heading home, you got it all fucking wrong

**-Casualties - No Turning Back**

-------

"Arigatou, Hotaru-san." I said to the nurse, bowing slightly.

"No problem. If you need anything just push that button near the headboard."

"Buttons." My dad said out of no where, and I turned to him raising an eyebrow. But he just placed the bag hanging from his shoulder onto my hospital bed, avoiding the looks from the nurse and myself. Sometimes, I wondered about him.

"Well, once we get you fully checked in the doctor will be in to see you." She smiled at me and gave my dad a second glance, then left the room.

"Pops, you have issues." Haruka said, pulling on one of her pigtails. A habit she does when she is nervous.

"And you don't? Keep in mind, you are my daughter." He said with a chuckle.

I just shook my head and started unpacking things from my bag. I sighed; Mamoru had arranged everything by color.

"You might as well let Mamo-chan unpack that, he is just going reorganize everything."

I nodded, and turned to sit on the bed. It wasn't too bad, I thought looking around the room. It was just…blah. Sky blue walls with the top trim being a playground theme, I was in the children's ward after all, the TV had small stuffed animals around it with a bear at the top holding a sign that said "Television"

My dad and sister were talking to each other and I just sat there. Mom and my other brothers were checking me in, and possibly finding some snacks…_hopefully. _I thought as my tummy grumbled.

As I reached for the remote control that was attached the something under the bed by a starch cord my brothers and Mom walked in carrying…more luggage?

"Where did that come from?" I said pointing to the bag my brother Hayata was holding.

"Well, when we were leaving the house, I noticed you forgot someone important." My mom said with a cheeky grin. Taking that as a que Hayata unzipped the bags and pulled out my oversized teddy bear.

Letting out a squeal of "Daigoro!" that I know I'll be teased about later, I jumped for him – only for Hayata to pull it away causing me to crash into one of the hospitals nightstands.

"Itai!" I cried out, "Baka Hayata!"

"Me?" He laughed, "I didn't crash into the nightstand."

"And he is not the one who is going to be grounded for a week!" My dad scolded as my mom nursed my bruised knee.

I stuck my tongue out at him as he threw my bear at me, and went over to the window mumbling. Sometimes, being the baby had its perks.

As predicted, Mamoru started taking my belongings from my bag and placing them in the provided dressers. "Kuso, didn't bring any hangers."

"They have some in the closet Mamo-chan."

"Iie. They are wired."

"Mamoru…"

"They cause little bumps on the shoulders."

I shook my head and placed my large bear onto the bed. I poked at the bears nose and starred into his shiny black eyes, so many thoughts were going through my head. So many questions, worries…fears.

"Eiji-chan." I turned my head to look at my dad, he was standing at the foot of the bed a small smile on his lips. He didn't have to say anything; he didn't have to…only my family could relax me with just one word.

"Lets press the button."

"Otou-san! Leave the button alone."

_I love my family._

_-------------_

Eiji sat there biting on his nails nervously as he and his family sat in the doctors' office. In a couple minutes he would get the results of the additional test they ran.

His mother sat on one side and his father on the other, while his siblings sat around the room, well, Mamoru was re-arranging various items in the office.

"Will you stop that?" The eldest girl Emiko said, tossing her dark red hair over her shoulder as a response she received was a cold glared, but he stopped and returned to his seat however not before moving the pictures on the desk.

After a couple more minutes, the oak door finally open and the doctor came in, files in one arm and a cup in another. "Sorry about the wait." He said sitting at his desk, "I was just…" He stopped talking looking around his desk, "what-where is…?"

"Your pens are on your top drawer, arranged by color. Two weren't working so I went ahead and threw them. I mean, I hope you don't mind but they were everywhere on your desk-"

"OCD?"

"Hai." The Kikumaru family said in unison.

The doctor shook his head, but the small smile on his lips told him he was far from being upset. "Kikumaru Eiji," he said opening the file, "Well, we ran serval test on you to see if we found anything other then the abnormal white blood cell count…and we-" He paused, and shut the folder and removed his glasses from his face.

"We…found something that worries us. The initial findings were that you have leukemia but we also found some signs of Osteosarcoma which is a type of bone cancer."

"W…what? I-I have…more? What?" Eiji gasped his eyes growing large at the mention of another illness. His mother grabbed him, pulling him back and into her arms comforting her youngest child- looking into her eyes, already starting to tear up, trying to comfort herself.

"Osteosarcoma is a type of bone cancer, commonly found in teens after their growth spurt.It's not rare that when you find one type of disease you find another buried under. However, the treatment you will be taking for the leukemia will hopefully rid you of the Osteosarcoma."

"Is it far along?"

"Thankfully, our findings show it has not progressed far. However, with any type of cancer, again more test will have to be ran."

There the only sound was the chocking sobs coming from Eiji as his mother held him close to her chest. It was more then he needed. More than any of them needed.

Being told you have cancer no matter what the type was something very hard and difficult to swallow. But, being told you have two different types would just chock you to death…

Death.

"What do we do now? What other test?"

"When you were last here, we ran test on the bone marrow that is how we found the traces of the Osteosarcoma. We will have to actually check around his joints such as his knees to be sure about anything of this cancer. We will begin the therapy as planned; first thing tomorrow morning will be your first session."

The rest of office visit was just the doctor explaining the side effects and different medications the young tennis player would be taking and experiencing.

"Yui-Sensai…" Eiji asked before they were leaving the room, his blue-grey eyes red and puffy from the crying and fear clearly relaying to the middle aged man. "I play tennis, nya, you know…"

"Hai."

"I…I nya, was just wondering if…I will be able to play. If…things, if…I just want to be able to play Yui-Sensai."

"I understand." The man placed his hand on the boys shoulders, "You'll be able to play, for a while you won't be, but you will. I promise you Eiji-kun."

"Arigatou."

-------

**TBC**

------

**AN:**

Sorry, I have no idea where this came from. I promise! Well, I do know but no reason to go into detail about it. Again, I am not a doctor. I'm a technical support agent. I know how to fix internet, cable and telephone problems.

Anyway, it is true what I said about being able to have more than on type of cancer.

Anyway number two; the next chapter…yeah. I have no idea what I was going to say. Its Monday, my day sucked so if this chapter sucked, I apologize. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day and I'll go over this…

But…for now, review? Comments? Suggestions? Please?


	7. Chapter 7: Just Pray

Yay! 61 reviews already! Thank you, so much to all my reviewers and even those who don't review thank you for reading!

COLLEGE SUCKS!

Random.

Anyway, here is Chapter 7, it is mostly flashbacks and such, and you'll understand when you start reading.

Eiji's grand parents make their appearance in this chapter, though no names for them yet, in the next chapter maybe. Oh yeah…I should refresh you guys on who is who in Eiji's family:

**Kikumaru Motoki-** Eiji's father

**Kikumaru Kakyuu-** Mother

**Kikumaru Mamoru-** Eldest brother

**Kikumaru Emiko-**Eldest Sister

**Kikumaru Hayata-** Second Eldest Brother

**Kikumaru Haruka-** Second Eldest Sister

This Nightmare Part 7 out of ?

Warnings: Speaking of religion. No research was done everything off the top of my head. Sorry. After googling "Japanese Religion" and got…so many different types. I just winged it. I'm Pagan so…yeah. The End.

Oh yeah. OCC-ness…always.

When you love someone so deeply  
They become your life  
It's easy to succumb to overwhelming fears  
inside  
Blindly I imagined I could  
Keep you under glass  
Now I understand to hold you  
I must open up my hands  
And watch you rise

-Mariah Carey

Butterfly

**Flashback 3 weeks ago**

"Kikumaru?"

Eiji looked up from where he was sitting on the courts currently digging through his tennis bag for grip tape. "Hai Ryuzaki-sensei?" He stood up dusting himself off.

"You have a large bruise on the back of your leg. I want you to come with me so we can take a look at it."

"Nya?" He turned twisting his leg to get a good look at the back of it. Sure enough, from the top of his calf and above the back of his knee was a large bruise. "I didn't notice that…" He mumbled to himself, looking at the off colored skin.

"I noticed it while you were talking to Fuji. Kikumaru, I didn't notice you fall or anything today." She gently took the young boy by the crook of his arm and led him away from the courts and the Tennis members who starred after them. "You've been a member of this team for all 3 years and I hope you feel comfortable enough to come to me…" The older woman paused searching for her words. "I hope you feel comfortable enough to come to me if you need anything or just to talk."

"I do Sensei, nya! I would if I had something to come to you about." He gave her one of his natural grins obviously not getting what she was saying.

"Kikumaru, I mean…well, is anything wrong at home?"

"Well," He took a deep breath and bit his lower lip. The two stopped walking and the Tennis couch turned to her acrobatics player, bracing her self. "My Nee-chan, both of them they take my toothpaste…"

"…"

"and…Hayata-nii, we share a room and he is always throwing his football gear on my bed. My other Mamo-nii, he…is so protective over me, nya! Sometimes I wonder if he is hiding in the bushes watching me!" Eiji squinted his eyes looking towards the trees. "Oh! Tou-chan! He…is a strange one, and Kaa-chan…she's…my Kaa-chan!"

"…So, everything is fine with your family then?"

After a couple seconds of thinking, Eiji smiled brightly towards his couch holding up a victory sign. "All is well with the Kikumaru!...except for the toothpaste."

Ryuzaki Sumire sighed, rubbing her temples. "Demo, about your bruises."

"I've been getting a few. I thought they were just from falling during matches and practice, demo…some have been coming from just bumping into things, even if its not too hard. Kaa-chan noticed too she made a doctors appointment for me next week."

"Good." She crossed her arms. "Keep me updated, let's go get some ice for your leg."

"Hai hai Sensei!"

"Hoi! Kaoru-chan your snake shot canntah…uh…"

_Crack Clatter_

The loud noise of a racket hitting the ground drew everyone's attention to the center court where a current match between Kaidoh-Inui and The Golden Pair was taking place

"Eiji!"

"Kikumaru-sempai!"

"Eiji-senpai!"

"Kikumaru!"

Many different forms of names were yelled out for the same person who was on the green floor of Seigaku Tennis Courts.

Oishi, who was only a couple feet from the red headed boy, reached him first. "Eiji!" He cried out again kneeling beside his partner and friend.

"Nyyyyyyyaaaaaa…" Eiji moaned still laying on the floor of the courts bringing his hand up to his head. "What happened?"

"We could ask you the same thing." Fuji said, helping Eiji sit up, his intense blue eyes not hiding his worry and concern for his friend.

"I dunno….something about snake and then everything went black. Demo, I'm okay now." With the help of Oishi and Fuji he got to his feet.

"I'm calling the nurse." Takashi said, and began to turn to make his way to the nurses office.

"Iie Taka-san! I'm okay, nya! I promise." I pulled away from the group and did a quick cartwheel to prove his claim. He landed gracefully on his feet and smiled towards the worried faces of his friends.

"See? Come on, minna! Lets continue practice we have the Nationals to get ready for!"

For a couple long seconds, no one moved but slowly, they turned to go back to what they were doing.

"Nya! Freshmen, I don't hear you cheering!"

"SEIGAKU! HO!"

**End of Flashback**

**---**

**Present**

"Eiji, Daijobu Desu Ka?" Kikumaru Hayata tossed his arm over his little brothers shoulders.

"Meah…" Eiji pulled away from his brother, collapsing on his hospital bed, burying his face into the stomach of his bear.

"Oh, my baby." Kakyuu, placed her hand on the back of her sons head running her fingers through his hair. "It'll be okay, I promise you."

"…go home." Came her only muffled reply, and he sat up throwing himself in his mothers arms. "Why me, kaa-chan? Naze? Naze watashi nano, kaa-chan!"

She didn't respond, she just held her son closer to her. I don't know baby. I've been asking the same thing…

**Flashback**

**Over 14 years ago.**

"Kikumaru-san, understand our concern. You gave birth to twins only 2 years ago. That and considering your age-"

"My age? What's wrong with my age?"

"I meant, your body has already given birth four times. If you carry out with this pregnancy, Kikumaru-san, you're putting yourself and your unborn child at risk."

"I don't care, Konomi-sensei."

"Kakyuu!"

"I don't mean I don't _care_-care." The woman signed, placing her hand on her stomach, turning to her husband. "Moto-chan, this is our baby growing inside of me. Just like Mamo-chan, Emiko, Hayata and Haruka."

Motoki, pulled his wife into his arms, not caring that the doctor was still in the office. "I know, honey." He kissed her forehead, and turned to address the doctor who was trying to busy himself with paper work.

"Sensei, this is our child."

"I understand."

**-**

**Five months later. **

"KAMI-SAMA!" Kikumaru Kakyuu was placed onto the stretcher in the emergency room. Tears streaming down her face in pain and fear…for herself and her unborn child. "It's too…soon!" She grasped out between the sharp pains from her contraction.

"It…it'll be okay honey!" Motoki called down the corridor as they wheeled his wife away. His arms filled with two, two year old twins and at his legs were his older children.

"Kaa-chan…?" Five year old Kikumaru Emiko, looked up her father.

"It'll be okay, sweeties." A older lady came up to the man and his children, "Motoki, give me my Mago-chan." She said, taking the children from his arms.

"Okaa-san…"

"C'mon, son." A older man, pulled on Motoki's arm pulling him to the nurses station. "Lets go to your wife and child."

"He's tiny." Young Mamoru said, looking at a Polaroid of his new little brother. "Does he have tubes and things in him?" He asked his father.

"He was born before he was suppose to. So he is having a really hard time breathing and eating. So, the tubes are helping him."

"Oh. Why can't we see him."

"He is in what is called a NICU. It's a place where sick babies go so the doctors and nurses can watch him better. We'll see him soon though."

"NIC-U." The boy repeated thoughtfully.

"Kaa-chan…?" Emiko looked up, from where her head was rested on her brothers' shoulder, to her father.

"She's sleeping right now." He pulled the little girl up and unto his lap. "We'll see her soon, ne?"

She nodded putting her head against her fathers' chest, soon falling asleep like her two younger siblings with her grandparents.

"He'll be okay?" Mamoru asked after a long silence.

"I hope so, son. He's really sick, but I hope so."

"We just have to believe Mamoru. If we pray, he'll be just fine." His grandfather said sitting across from them in the waiting room.

"Pray." Mamoru repeated in a whisper.

"Lets go to the shrine downstairs and pray." The elder man stood up, reaching out his hand to his oldest grandson.

"Okay, Oji-san." He stood up taking his grandfathers hand. At the door way the two paused and Mamoru looked back to his father. "Otou-san, I'll pray hard. I promise."

Motoki bit his lower lip to keep himself from crying. "Good boy."

He lowered his head, looking at the profile of his oldest daughter. Kikumaru Motoki couldn't help but to wonder if he'd be able to hold his new son like he was holding Emiko right now. Would he be able to watch his son walk for the first time? Talk for the first time? Go to school? "Eiji." As he said the name a sob escaped from his lips

**-**

"_Eiji if it is a boy and…Eiko if a girl?"_

"_Eiko? Well, we already have Emiko."_

"_Hm, I want something with a 'E'"_

"_Eriko?"_

"_Eriko."_

"_Eiji if it is a boy and Eriko if it's a girl."_

"…_then we should've named Haruka…Haruko?"_

"_Honey, go to sleep."_

**-**

Motoki shut his eyes trying to keep his tears back.

_**-**_

_Ba-rumpBa-rumpBa-rumpBa-rump…_

"_Our baby's heart Motoki! Listen!"_

"_Is it a boy or girl, Sensei?"_

"_Hm…I can't tell, it won't move to where I can see-oh wow! Did you see that?"_

"_Hehe, I felt it. Our little one loves to flip around."_

"_I never ever one do a flip like that! You have a gold-metal Olympic gymnast here.."_

…_Ba-rumpBa-rumpBa-rumpBa-rumpBa-rumpBa-rumpBa-rump…_

_**-**_

"Kami-sama, Hotoke-sama, Oinari-sama…onegai. Watch over my wife, my son…my whole family."

**Present**

**---**

Motoki kneeled in front of the alter, lighting a candle as he did. He blew out the flame on the tip of the long stick, the only sign that a flames was once there was the amber light of the hot cherry tip.

"I'm only here, when there is something wrong." He said, to no one- well, no one he could see. "I know that is wrong, demo…I have no excuse." He sniffed, rubbing his face with his hands. "He's my baby boy. He's been through so much already, why…this? Why?" The tears came then, one after another trailing down the mans face "Why my son?"

"We should never question the actions of our Gods."

Motoki turned around, searching the dim room for the source of the voice. "O-Okaa-san?"

"Who else, the boogieman?"

"Well…in this light-"

"Shut your mouth, we're in a shrine!"

"Gomen, Okaa-san."

"As I was saying; they do things for a reason and shouldn't be questioned."

"For…a reason? Trying to take my son from me, they have a reason for that? He has to fight for his life before it even began and now…14 years later he has to fight again. Okaa-san, he doesn't have just one cancer. He has two! Don't you think it's total over kill?"

"Moto-"

"That's my son who is sick."

The elderly lady came closer to her son and knelt beside him, looping her arm into his. "Lets pray."

"Pray…how do you know it will work?"

"It's worth a shot isn't it?"

"Hai." He gave his mother a quick hug, mumbling apologies, but she just kissed him on the forehead.

"Pray."

**TBC…**

**Translations**

**Naze watashi nano-** Pretty much translates to "Why Me?"

**Naze-** why?

**Daijobu Desu Ka?-** Are you okay?

**Mago**-grandchild.

DON'T FORGET TO REVIEW!


	8. Chapter 8: Tomorrow is Another day

Everyone that you so much for the reviews! They were all awesome…! Yes, I said all!

merissala: Yeah well…you didn't like chapter 7? That's sucks. Oh well, as I said in previous chapters this fanfiction is based on my friend who recently passed away. I'm recalling the things she said and went through. Though its not all exact, the emotions I'm trying to place in this fic is everything I witnessed her and her family go through!

"you make kikumaru sound like a cry baby and a big complainer" Umm. HE HAS CANCER! Plus, I warned you….OOC!

attackfish: Thanks for the correction! I'll remember for future chapters. It's weird having people correct me since Japanese was my first language. LOL, Man….I miss home.

But, on that note…I'M GOING HOME! This town is slowly killing me and I promised myself I would go home one day. For those who don't know me…Home is Japan. I'm going to go for the fall to the Spring. So…if updates slow down…that's why!

**Warnings:** Again…OOC for all characters and chapters!

Short Chapter, I think its shorter than any of the others…this is just a "filler" chapter. Not important to the story but it's okay that it is here!

**This Nightmare**

Chapter 8 out of ?

Don't want to let my life fly by  
Do you ever stop, stop to wonder why?   
And time flies by  
When everything is ok  
It just turns out that life ain't that way  
Big decisions overwhelm me and I know   
nothing's free

Today didn't have to be this way  
Tomorrow is another day  
Another chance to make things right  
A chance to make sense of last night   
A chance to fully live your life

**-MXPX **

**Tomorrow is Another Day**

**------------------------**

"Oi, Eiji-senpai you're cheating!" Momoshiro, glared at his senpai as he picked up his dice.

"Nya! I'm not cheating Momo-chan! It's impossible to cheat in this game. Whatever…game…this is." Eiji moved back on the hospital bed adjusting himself to make more room for the group.

"Well, you keep winning!" The younger tennis player said.

"Nya! It's called luck, Momo-chan!" With a roll of his eyes and a quick stick of the tongue, Eiji laughed at his kouhai.

"Fshuuu…Baka."

"What did you say Mamushi?" Momoshiro tossed down his cards and started towards the other boy.

"Momoshiro! Kaidoh, we're in a hospital!"

"Gomen, Oishi-senpai."

"You lost again Momo-senpai." The youngest tennis regular snickered and then let his small grin fall, "I think you lost."

The game the group was playing wasn't much, just made up as they went. A deck of cards, a couple of dice and the imaginations of the teenagers.

"Why don't we just play Poker." Taka-san chimed in.

"Because Eiji doesn't know how to play." Fuji said, smiling gently as he watched his best friend blush. "Oishi and I tried to teach him, but we never caught on."

"Nyyyya Fujiko! There are so many terms, full house, flush blah blah! Now, Go Fish is a game I can play!" Eiji said picking up the dice putting them to the side, "Lets play Go Fish!"

----

It felt great having the guys here. I was starting to think that they wouldn't have been able to make it before visiting hours were over. Taka-san's brought a large platter of his fathers famous Sushi, which my brother Mamoru devoured over half of.

"Wow, Mamoru-san…" Taka-san gasped slightly, as he watched my brother reach for more.

"Hm? I'm a growing boy!"

"Nii-chan, you're Twenty-"

"Shhhhhhhhh!" Mamo-chan hissed out, spraying my friends and myself with particles of food.

"…two?" I finished, wiping my face with my hands, removing the traces of fish, rice and sea weed.

I couldn't help but to laugh at him, he did nothing but glared at me and continued to stuff his mouth. My brother was sensitive about his age after he reached 20. A early mid-life crisis my mother put it as.

I looked at my group of friends; all of them were still in their tennis uniforms, since they rushed over from a match to come visit me.

It kind of made me sad, knowing I missed it.

Knowing that they won, no problem without me.

_Without me. _

They'll be playing a lot of matches with out me.

Possibly going to Nationals without me.

Oishi, Fuji, Tezuka, Kaidoh, Ochibi-chan, Momo-chan, Taka-san, Inui…

Inui…I starred at him as he was digging through his bag, letting out a chuckle. "Ah, here we go."

He pulled out a sports bottle, "Kikumaru, I made this for you It's my new Super Delux-"

_Attention all visitors, visiting hours are now over._

"Oh! That's too bad Inui!" I jumped out of my bed, many of the cards following after me. I went over to Inui picking up his bag. "Maybe next time, ne?"

"Hm, well-"

"Next time, nya!" I repeated with a strained smile, pulling on his arm leading him to the door.

"Eiji! That's rude, your friend made it for you." I watched in horror as my dad came over to us taking the bottle from my friend. As he popped open the top the whole room went silent, the only noise was the frizzing coming from the bottle, "This some type of new soda? Smells interesting…" he said bringing it to his lips.

"T-tou-chan!"

"Kikumaru-san! Iie!" But our calls came out too late. The bottle was already at his lips and he took a large sip from it.

Again, the room went silent. My dad was a still as a statue, his eyes wide and pupils small…he turned blue, green and then deadly pale.

"Tou-chan…"

"Gah…" Was the only noise he made.

"Ja ne, Eiji-senpai!" Momo-chan, quickly picked up his things and ran out the room. Kaidoh was right behind him, but stopped long enough to give a quick bow to my mom and say bye to me.

My dad still hadn't moved.

Behind me, I heard Tezuka say "Excuse us." To my mom, he then laid a hand on my shoulder and made his exit Taka-san and Ochibi-chan not far behind him.

"Is…he going to be okay?" My sister, Haruka, went over to dad poking him. "Otou-san?"

I turned about to scold Inui when I noticed, I was still holding on the to arm of his jacket, but…Inui was not in it.

---

I walked Fuji and Oishi, who were the only ones to remain in the room, to the elevator. We stood there in front of the metal doors for a second before anyone said anything

"Your dad will be fine, Eiji." Oishi said.

"Nya! He still hasn't moved!" I brought my hand to mouth, biting on my thumb nail.

"We've all been victims of Inui's juice." Fuji said, letting out a chuckle. "He'll be fine."

"Nya." I pulled my hand from my mouth and smiled at my two best friends. "Thank you for coming. I was starting to get worried you guys wouldn't make it."

"We did everything to make sure we did. Echizen, won his match in just a few minutes."

"So did Tezuka. It was really amazing to watch."

"I wish I was there."

"We wish you were too, you'll be back to play in no time."

"I hope so."

"You will, Eiji." I looked up at Oishi, "You believe that, right?"

I nodded, "I do."

"We do also, we all know it."

"Arigatou!" I hugged them both, "you'll be here tomorrow?"

"Of course. You go in for your chemotherapy that morning?"

I nodded, "We'll be here after practice."

We said our good-byes and they got into the elevator and left, I let my smile fall then. No need to continue to act of being brave or attempting to be brave. Tomorrow morning, I'd start the chemotherapy. Tomorrow more test will be ran on me for the bone cancer.

I didn't tell them, I couldn't tell them about the second cancer. I couldn't tell them I was any sicker, I didn't want to worry them anymore. Especially Oishi…

Tomorrow…

Tomorrow, will either be the day I begin to get better or the beginning of a hopeless attempt.

"Nya," I sighed bringing my hand to my head, "Did I just think that?" I turned and walked to my room, "Kikumaru, you'll be okay!" I told myself, "I'll be okay."

I pushed the door open to my room nearly bumping into my dad, "Tou-chan?"

The turned to me, his face still pale and his eyes blank, "That was…" He mumbled and looked down at me, sending shivers up and down my spine. "…delicious."

"Nani?"

**TBC**

I couldn't leave this on a sad note : shrugs : see, I'm not that bad of a person. This chapter is just posted to lt you guys know I haven't forgotten the other guys! I've started on the next chapter which, hopefully, will be better and longer!

Please review!


	9. Chapter 9A:Tomorrow is Today

Oh man, I'm so tired right now! Eh, I'm always tired. I have no idea what I wanted to type here. Lets see…

Oh this is a chapter mentions the osteosarcoma.

The other day for a lap class in Psychology we had to go to our cancer center at a hospital here to talk to young children with cancer. The strings on my heart were pulled…children are so strong.

Before I start crying again…on to the story.

This is Chapter Nine Part A.

**This Nightmare**

Chapter Nine/ Part A

I've been livin' for the moment  
But I just can't have my way  
And I'm afraid to go to sleep  
'Cause tomorrow is today

-Tomorrow is Today

Billy Joel

-------------

In Eiji's opinion morning came just too soon. He had stayed awake most of the night dreading tomorrow, which was now today, and when sleep finally came he had to wake up again. _Considering I'm in a hospital, I should be grateful for that._ He thought sadly sitting up in bed.

"Nyaaaa!" Eiji groaned as he starched, his joints popping loudly in the quiet room. He trough his legs over the bed and looked around the room. Except for Daigoro he was alone. He pulled the bear close to him, setting it on his lap resting his chin on the top of the stuffed animals head, sighing loudly.

This was the first time ever, in 14 years, he had ever been alone. Yes, his parents would go out but he always had a sibling or two or four with him. Plus, his grandparents were there too.

He put down his large bear onto his bed and went over to the dresser, pulling out a pair of baby blue basketball shorts, his sister Haruka had got him- besides volleyball she also loved basketball – as well black shirt. He sighed again, gathering some other needed items and went into the bathroom for a shower.

----

Coming out the shower, with mist and steaming floating behind him, Eiji had a towel covering his head rubbing his hair dry, singing to himself his favorite song from The Chocolates;

"_Honmono no KISS shite yo! HANI- PAI Amai amai KISS wo shite Yurusu kara! HANI- PAI…" _He began to hum the upbeat tune, too into the song and drying his hair to notice the door behind him opening.

"The Chocolates?" A voice asked from the door making Eiji gasp. He turned quickly to see his doctor, Yui-sensei, standing there behind him two other people behind him. "My niece loves them."

He came into the room, apologizing for startling the young boy who just laughed embarrassed. "Nya, Sensei, don't mind!"

"Eiji-kun, these are my colleagues, Burnett-sensei from America he is a Chemotherapy specialist and will be monitoring your progress, and this is Chiba-sensei, she as is here as well to monitor you until your recovery, okay?"

Eiji nodded, rubbing the palms of his hand against his shorts. He was nervous being alone with the doctors; he always had his parents with him to answer questions and to fill in about certain things, and to explain things he didn't understand. Most importantly, they were his parents; his security and comfort blanket.

"Just relax, Eiji-kun." Doctor Chiba stepped forward tying her dark hair back. "Do you mind if I call you by your given name?"

Eiji shook his head trying to smile, "Iie, I prefer it."

"Good." She smiled at him putting a hand on his shoulder, "I know you're nervous about right now, about today and the days that follow. Just know, here at Tokyo Children's Memorial, we're experienced professional who care about every single child here. Including you."

The acrobat nodded, not knowing what to say to that.

"I'm going to tell you a couple things about this facility you probably don't know yet, being that you are a new patient here, okay?"

Eiji nodded again sitting on the edge of his bed, listening to the doctor.

"Well, we have children from all around the world of every age, who are sick just like you. Approximately we have 100 children, though we are equipped to treat over 200, the majority of them have leukemia, though there are others here who have various other types of cancers. You'll be able to meet many of them during your stay."

"H-how long am I staying?" Eiji asked, the question was brought up a couple times but it was always with nurses, who didn't have that information.

"Your initial stay will be just for a couple weeks. But everything depends on how you respond to your treatment and how strong your immune system keeps up."

Eiji bit his lower lip, pulling on the towel draping over his shoulders.

"Any other questions?"

"Nya." He thought for a bit thinking of any other questions, trying to think of things his parents would ask. "I don't think so."

"Don't worry, Eiji-kun. I'll show you my office if you think of any questions later."

Eiji let out an auditable sigh of relief, not having to beat his brain anymore. "Nya, Arigatou Chiba-sensei."

The woman smiled at him and then backed up letting Eiji's main doctor come forward. "The reason we are here this morning is to do a small psychical to check on a couple things. Go a head and stand up for me."

Eiji did as he was told, standing in front of the doctor who towered over him. "I'm going to feel around your neck, let me know if you feel any pain or discomfort."

The doctors started pressing and rubbing from the top of Eiji's head, below his ears, working his way down to his shoulders,

"Nyyyyaaaaaa…"

"Anything?" He stopped looking at Eiji who had shut his eyes, a small smile on his lips.

"Iie," He mumbled sleeply, "Demo, it felt nice."

He chuckled and continued, "Stick your arms out straight horizontal." Once Siji had done it is started pressing and messaging again moving from the shoulders down to his elbow, to his wrist and then his fingers. "Anything?"

"Iie."

"That's good." He started on the other arm, again nothing.

Over his doctors shoulder he could see the other doctor, Burnett, writing on a palm pilot.

"Go ahead and sit down, Eiji-kun."

Eiji did as he was told, moving Diagoro who had fallen over.

He pulled a stool from the corner of the room closer to the bed to sit in front of the tennis player. "Okay, hold out your legs, you can rest them on my lap if you want to."

---

**Eiji's POV.**

I did as I was told; Yui-sensei took my leg and started messaging it like his did my arms. It tickled when he rubbed my foot, but it felt nice, like I was getting a message. When he reached my knees a sharp pain shot from it causing me to hiss out.

He stopped rubbing and looked up at me, "Did that hurt?"

I nodded, it still hurt.

"I'm going to rub it again, is that okay?"

I groaned my nodded. He touched it again, rubbing it softer than his did before but it didn't stop it from hurting. "Has it always hurt here, Eiji-kun?"

"A little, but I thought it was…nya," I stopped searching for the right words "wear and tare from playing."

_What was wrong? What did he find? What's wrong with my leg?_

"Eiji-kun there is a-"

He was interrupted by a knock on the door, the door opened without a answer from me or anyone else in the room, my parents came in carrying containers of food. "Oi, Eiji-chan we brought you some real food!" My dad said not noticing the doctors in the room, "You-oh," He stopped, looking from the doctors to me, "Is everything okay?"

I shrugged, looking towards my mom. She quickly put down the containers and came over to me, "What's going on?"

"Kikumaru-san," Yui-sensei started, "we came in here to check Eiji-kun's joints for any tumors caused by osteosarcoma."

"Tumors…" My mom gasped, holding me closer.

"Did you find anything?" My dad came over to us.

_Oh, Kami-sama…my knee._

"We…did. On the back of his left knee there is a large knot, it feels to be about the size of a 500 yen coin."

"Oh no…it's it, cancerous or just…" My mom trailed off her voice breaking up. I remained silent; I didn't know what to say. I wanted to cry again but I couldn't. I believe I finally ran out of tears.

Wait, no, here they come.

"We won't know for sure until we run some additional test."

"S-surgery?" I gasped out bending my left leg at the knee pulling it up to my chest.

"Possibility, we will remove some of the knot to find out weather it is cancerous. If not, we don't need to worry, however if it determines it is…we will need to do more test to see if it has spread."

"Kaa-chan!" I turned in her embrace trying to pull more comfort from her.

_Tumor._

_Cancer._

_Leukemia._

_Osteosarcoma._

Just last week I was happy, going to school and practice, playing tennis. Not worrying about anything, just getting to the Nationals.

Now, I'm worrying about living.

----------------

TBC….

No, the song isn't really by The Chocolates it's by a J-Pop band called Country Musume. The song is _Uwaki na Honey Pie_. I provided a link to their video on YouTube, its awesome they actually "play" tennis on here. I didn't even notice until I was looking for a link. 

http/ B should be posted soon. I have it typed I just have to edit it, which I think I failed to do with this one, however it is 2 am.


	10. Chapter 9B: Lullaby

Man, thank you so much for the reviews and e-mails. All you guys are awesome! Well, I'm off today- so happy! So I decided to go ahead and post part B which WAS chapter 10. So, if right in the middle of the chapter the mood switches dramatically- that's why.

I've gone over it many times so hopefully any errors got corrected. If not, sorry!

My knowledge of biopsies and such are…well, I have none. So I went to different websites to research it. So if it is not correct, I apologize about it.

**Warnings:** OOC, of course. Eiji being babied by his parents. OC also!

**Title:** This Nightmare

Chapter 9 / Part B

The snow falling down.

A soft lullaby.

In the gentle night I bury my face in my hands.

I don't want to know sorrowful experience,

therefore let the singing stay as

it is,

As it is until this dawn.

-Noir

Lullaby

-------

"Eiji-kun," Yui-sensei started, pulling the boys attention to him. He paused for a second, the expression the fourteen year old on his face, didn't belong there. He'd known the boy since he was a young child; he was always happy, smiling and laughing. Even when he was sick. But, being older now, he knew that Eiji knew how bad he was sick this time.

_Eiji knew he could die_.

"Eiji-kun, we have to take a sample of that lump in your knee and send it to the labs determine if it benign- none cancerous- or if it is a cancerous tumor. We really need to do this ASAP."

"Today?" Eiji's father asked.

"Hai. We're going to get you set up within the hour before your chemotherapy. We can't and won't delay that either." The doctor turned, getting ready to leave the room, he turned as he opened the door, "Eiji-kun, we'll be back."

With that he left, the other two doctors following behind him.

"Oh Kami-sama," Eiji's mother sighed.

"Nya, so much for a smooth day, ne?" Eiji tried to joke, trying to lighten the mood in the room. He hated seeing the sad looks on his parents face.

_Especially when it's because of me._ He thought.

"Gomen nasi, Tou-chan, Kaa-chan…" He mumbled, lowering his head. If he wasn't sick his mother wouldn't have tears in her eyes. If he was sick his fathers face wouldn't be so hard.

"Don't Eiji-chan. You have nothing to be sorry for."

"Demo, nya…if I wasn't sick."

"Oh, Kakyuu-chan! Now he's apologizing! When he _could_ help not getting sick- like playing in the rain when we told him not to and not playing with strange animals- he never apologized. Eiji-chan, you had no control over this. None."

"I know." There was silence between the family before a slow smile appeared on Eiji's lips. "You know, Tou-chan, I recall you use to drag me outside to play in the rain."

"You what? Kikumaru Motoki, tell me he is kidding!"

"Well, honey, you see…Ah! Tattle Tale." Eiji's father snapped at Eiji, sticking out his tongue before running into the bathroom hiding from his angry wife.

-----------

Within a hour, like the doctor had said, Eiji was in the OR- operating room- being prep for the small and quick surgery.

"Now, Eiji-kun, we're not going to put you to sleep for this. The tumor isn't too deep so we don't need to do too much cutting. We're just going to numb the area, then make a small hole so we can insert this wire," Yui-sensei paused, showing the boy, currently laying on his stomach, a long black tube.

"This has a camera on the end so we can see what we are doing from a monitor behind you. It also has a really small claw on the end, which we can cut and take samples from the tumor with. This will take no more than 30 minutes, alright?"

Eiji nodded gulping heavily.

He tried to keep all the thoughts in his mind back, trying to stay positive.

_Think of something else, something good_. He thought. _Right now I'm missing Ryuzaki-sensei's math class. She's as though of a teacher as she is a coach, if not worse. _

"Can you feel this, Eiji-kun."

"Hm, feel what?"

"How about this?"

"Iie, what are you doing, nya?"

The doctor chuckled, "Alright we're going to start, just stay still. You'll possibly feel some pressure but if you feel any pain, tell me right away."

"Or I'll just scream, nya."

"That'll work too."

_I got a lot of balloons and flowers this morning. I wonder if the whole school knows now. I'm going to be missing a lot of school, but Fuji is going to keep me up with everything since all our classes are together._

"How are you doing?" A nurse asked interrupting his thoughts.

"Fine fine."

"Good, if you need anything let me know."

_Man, this is kind of scary. What if that tumor is cancerous? What will that mean? _

_Stop it Kikumaru, nya! Don't think like that._

_Think of something else…going back to school. Graduation is in a couple months, the Nationals are just in a few weeks. I bet…I won't even be a Regular anymore. I'm going to miss so many practices so many matches. I might not even be able to play…_

_Shut up Kikumaru! _

_Ok, I'm not talking to myself anymore. _

"Are you sure you're alright?" The nursed asked, bending to get in his line of view.

"Hai, just thinking about some stuff."

She smiled gently at him, "You looked as if you're in pain."

_Nya, in a way I am. _

"I'm fine." He smiled back at her as she patted him on his arm.

"They are almost done."

----------

I bit my lip nervously as the nurse came in pushing a wheelchair in front of her.

"Ohayo, Eiji-kun." She said happily, I could help but to smile at the fact she used my given name, I preferred it. "Would you like to ride down to the Chemo Room or did you want to walk?"

I gulped nervously, biting my lower lip. Today is the day for my first chemotherapy session and needless to say, I'm scared, more scared then I was from the biopsy. Not just scared but frightened, I hadn't stopped shaking since I woke up that morning.

I bent my knee, which was wrapped in gauze, from the biopsy done over a hour ago. It didn't hurt so much, just some discomfort.

"I-I'll walk…" She nodded and began pushing the wheelchair to the corner of my room when my dad chimed in stepping in front of her path.

"May I ride in it?" He asked, and I sighed shaking my head. Have I already said, my dad has issues?

"Motoki!" My mom when over to him and pulled him back.

The nurse blinked a couple times before turning back to me, "Are you wanting you parents to sit with you while-"

"Hai!" I interrupted her before she could finish her sentence.

She smiled at me warmly, "That is no problem. Are you ready, Eiji-kun?"

I took a deep shaking breath and stood from the bed my parents right by my side and nodded.

_I'm not, but do I have any choice?_

--

The room where they administered the chemotherapy was not what I had pictured. In my head I thought it would be a big submarine looking tank with doctors wearing biohazard suits, and carrying around glowing jars of radiation.

Let's just say that the truth was totally different. The room was bright, toys scattered all around, and the doctors were wearing normal scrubs and no glowing jars.

"Hotaru-san, this is it?" I asked my nurse as I looked around the room.

She nodded, "This is room A. As I was telling you earlier, chemotherapy is administered many ways, but mainly by pill form and by IV. Many times, a person on chemotherapy is not allowed to be around others, because of the weakened immune system and you can get sick easily. Since this is your first time we decided to bring you in here instead of doing it in solitude…I hate calling it that."

She walked us over to a seat. It was leather, recliner type seat. "Sit here, Eiji-kun." I did as I was told, taking in another deep shivering breath, "I'll be right back." She said and left.

I gave my mom and dad a nervous smile, trying to reassure them and they were doing the same to me, smiling, trying to reassure me.

"Ohayo!" A voice said beside me. I turned my head to see a little girl sitting to my left, the large recliner making her look smaller then what I'm sure she really was. She had bright blue eyes and her face was pink and chubby, and on her head she wore a bright pink bandana.

"Ohayo." I replied, giving her a smile.

"Oraikasa Sasami." She said, reaching out her small hand.

"Kikumaru Eiji, nice to meet you Sasami-chan." I shook her little hand and she blushed.

"You're sick too?" She asked me, clinging to her bear.

"Hai, I'm sick." I nodded, _I think that's the first time I've said that out loud._

She starred at me for awhile, peaking over the head of her bear. "I'm 11 years old, and I have leukemia." She said after a couple of minutes.

Eh! Eleven! No way! I wanted to ask her if she was sure, because she looked no older than 6 or 7! She was so small and she looked so fragile.

"I'm 14, I have leukemia too." _And bone cancer._

"This your first time?"

I nodded again, "It is."

"Its not mine, I've been here for a couple months now. In and out…" She turned and looked up at the stand holding her IV. "I go home the day after tomorrow."

"That's good, nya." She turned back to me and smiled.

"_Nya?_ What is that?"

I just laughed and shrugged. The nurse came back a IV bag and other things in her hand. "I see you've met Sasami, Eiji-kun." I nodded and Sasami giggled.

"Hotaru-chan, I think I'm done."

"Hai, you are Sasami. Let me get Eiji-kun set up and I'll help you." The nurse hung the IV bag from the stand beside my chair and connected a tube that twisted around the stand onto the bottom of the bag, she then took my arm and gave me a warm smile.

"Are you ready, Eiji-kun?" She asked me, wiping the area on my arm with a alcohol swab.

"Iie." My vision was clouding up and I felt my parents take my hand, staying things to comfort me and put me at ease. I took a deep breath, "O..okay." I said with a nod and bit my lower lip.

"You'll just feel a pinch as I insert the needle." I shut my eyes tightly; I should've been use to this by now. I've been poked more times with a needle this week; one would think that my arm was a flesh pin cushion.

As she warned me, I just felt a sharp pinch as the needle broke the skin. "Nyaaaaaa…" I groaned.

"Alrighty, now I'm going to start the IV drip." I opened my eyes and starred at the IV now in my arm. "Now, this is not painful. Your arm might feel tingly but that is all. If you feel any type of burning or discomfort tell someone immediately."

I just nodded.

"Starting your drip." She said and then she stood up, "I'll be back to check on you in a little bit." She patted me on the leg and then went over to Sasami.

"Eiji, would you like to hold my bear?"

I didn't get the chance to answer, my dad decided to do it for me, "He has one in his room. I think Daigoro would get jealous."

I just rolled my eyes, "Demo, Arigatou Sasami-chan." She smiled at me and I smiled back. It felt nice meeting someone who was almost going through the same thing I was. As I watched the nurse roll her away in the wheel chair, I couldn't help but to think about her story. No one was with her; does she have family supporting her? How sick is she? Where does she go to school?

Is she scared?

_-----_

**Kikumaru Haruka POV**

_Eiji no Baka_, was running through my mind as I took my place behind the service line of the volley ball court. _Baka, baka. Baka!_ I tossed the white volley ball from one hand to the other.

Left to right.

Right to left.

Normally, I'd be focused in the game. Focused on my target, the spot where I want to hit the ball. But, I couldn't focus. My mind kept going back to Eiji.

_I shouldn't be here._

My little brother was in the hospital, I should be with him. Not here. But he made me come here. I brought my hand up to my cheek to scratch the area where a little white bandage was.

_How does he wear this? It's so irritating!_

I know why he made me come to school. I know why he didn't want me to miss my game today. It is because he is missing his school, he is missing his practices and games…and he has no choice about it.

_One more point. One point, we win. We win and I can go check on him._

"Eiji…"

I lift my left hand up the volley ball resting in the palm of my hand, I toss it up in the air just a bit, my right hand down by my side; waiting for it to come within hitting range. Once it is, I swing my right hand forward and out hitting the firm ball with the most part of my wrist.

"Kikumaru Serve!" I yelled as the ball come in contact with my wrist

The ball quickly sails across the court, and hits on the other side, barely on the line.

"Good! Point Seigaku! Seigaku wins!"

Serving is one of my best, but my net play is better, like a certain little brother I have.

------

**Kikumaru Hayata POV**

"Stupid…football…uniform!"

"Buchou?" I looked at one of my players from the corner of my eyes. "Everything okay?"

"Oh yea, everything is peachy!" I pushed trying to squeeze the uniform, pads and all into the small confined place of the locker.

"Kikumaru!"

I sigh, and I let my shoulder pads fall onto the bottom of my locker with a loud noise and then I shut my locker as I turn to my coach. "Yes Coach?" I asked in English. Our football coach was American, and told us to call him that when we entered the club.

"I heard about your brother and I just wanted to let you know, if you need anything; to go home early, sit out or anything. Just let me know, okay?"

I nodded, "Thank you, but, he would hate me if I ever did any of that."

"I understand. He was apart of the Tennis Club at Seishun Gakuen, right?"

"He _is_ apart of the team, yes." I picked up my bag that was sitting at my feet, "Are we done here, Coach?"

He nodded, and I left to meet my twin sister. Our uniforms weren't too different from the Jr. High, which made me happy, I enjoyed teasing Haruka about that green and pink mess of a uniform.

"Don't say a word." She snapped, sending me a glare that would make a Monk swear.

Twin ESP was a freaky thing.

"House or hospital?" I asked her

"Hospital." She responded, pulling on one of her pigtails as we walked.

"Good."

"Baka."

"Shut up." I brought my hand up and pulled on her other pigtail. "Brat!" I then started to run, knowing how she was going to get her revenge.

_The Haruka Pinch_ and trust me, they hurt. I have had many scars and bruises from them.

**-----**

**Eiji POV**

Though the chemical had already started to enter my body, I was still scarred. I couldn't take my eyes off the slow tripping of the IV tube. I just focus on it, watching for something and nothing.

My mom was still sitting beside me, my dad was there too. Both of them either holding my hand or stroking my hair. Asking me questions and telling me things to comfort me.

"How are you feeling?" My dad asked touching my cheek. "You look a little pale."

"I'm okay." I looked away from the drip and smiled at him, "A little tired nya." I shut my eyes, my mom still was still running her fingers through my hair, humming softly a lullaby she use to sing to me when I was little.

_Yuki ga furu_

_Shizukana Lullaby utau awai yokogao_

_Toji komerareta chiisana heya wa_

_Ai to yoberu kiga shiteiru_

I was so tired, I'm not sure if it was a side effect from the chemo, or it could be the fact I got no sleep last night. I felt someone put a blanket over me, most likely my dad since my mom was still stroking my head.

_Kotoba mo iranakute_

_Omoide ga yawaraide_

_Yasuragi nante shiranai kedo_

_Ichiban sokoni chikai bashode nemuritai dake_

_Anata no sobani iru_

Dads deep voice started singing along with moms soft one, putting me to sleep even quicker. For the first time since I found out I was sick, I relaxed. The room, was nosiey with little kids and the TV was on full blast but soon the only noise I was aware of with the sound of my parents voices.

_Yuki ga furu_

_Shizukana Lullaby Sotto yoru wo uzumete_

_Kanashii kotowa shiritakunaino_

_Dakara zutto utatteite_

_Yoakega kurumade_

_Zutto kono mama_

As total sleep came over me, for the first time I felt as if…

Everything would be okay.

**TBC**

1.Ryuzaki-sensei, is a math teacher, on top of being a coach. I forgot what level of math it is but…oh well.

2.Yeah, I also know Fuji and Eiji we only know for sure that their home room is together, but I want to make them really close.

3.Song is is called _Lullaby_ from the anime Noir, it's a beautiful song. Even the English version, which is very different, is beautiful. Here is the translation of the Japanese version

_The snow falling down._

_While you sing a quiet lullaby, I catch a fleeting glimpse of your profile._

_I'm trapped in a small room, I love you while my spirit calls out to you._

_Words are needless, lost memories softened peacefully, but how strange. . ._

_First there in that close place where I only just slept._

_Close beside you._

_The snow falling down._

_A soft lullaby._

_In the gentle night I bury my face in my hands._

_I don't want to know sorrowful experience, therefore let the singing stay as_

_it is,_

_As it is until this dawn._


	11. Chapter 10: Mood Rings

**Title:** This Nightmare

Chapter 10

Warnings: Obsessive older brother, Kikumaru Mamoru.

Of course OCC-ness!

This is 14 pages in Word, this was suppose to had been two chapters however, I have no idea why I joined them together. Because its so long, there are parts that are just rambles and not necessary. I also typed this using my lap top which is really wired. Its one of those with the sensory for the mouse (not the touch pad, has a little laser and you wave you hand over it) so, when my thumb goes over the senor the mouse moves…thus, sometimes I don't notice it.

Anyway, forgive me for any typos. I tried to correct what I could find!

**YAY! OVER 100 REVIEWS. THANK YOU EVERYONE!**

**Chapter Ten: Mood Ring**

Where does it start?  
Where does it end?  
Where's the division in ocean and sand?  
Days are quiet, nights are long.  
Everything is August, everything is calm.  
We're lying here in the heat in suspended animation with a slo-mo beat.  
Taken together, taken apart, I feel your excitement.  
Take it to heart.  
Changes of season, changes of reason, but changes in a mood ring come straight from the heart.

-Blondie

Mood Ring

---------------

**Kikumaru Mamoru POV**

I just watch him sleep.

I like watching him sleep; he is so peaceful when he is sleeping. He just looks so fragile; he looks like he still needs me.

Sometimes, I just can't believe he is fourteen; he'll be fifteen in just a couple more months. When I look at him, I still see that small baby fighting for his life that he barely just started.

He'll always be that baby too me.

I rubbed the spot on my chest, where his name is permanently inked on in kanji. I got it when I was 17, the same time my dad got his; Dad has all our names on his back. Many people didn't understand, they still don't.

When they find out who Eiji is; they whisper about me, talk behind my back, give me weird looks.

_He's a strange one._

…_Has a weird obsession with his little brother._

_Weird family._

They don't understand, even if I explain it, they don't understand.

I take his hand, just to hold it, to make sure he is still warm and alive.

"Mamo-chan," a soft tired voice says in the room. I shift my eyes from Eiji's face to the other side of the bed. Our mom is there, curled up in a chair like a house cat. She blinks a couple times and yawns, stretching out her long arms and legs. "When did you get here?"

I glance at the clock on the wall, "Maybe a hour ago." I answer, looking back at Eiji who began moving in his sleep, mumbling.

"Pocky…strawberry Pocky."

I smile, stroking his cheek. "How did it go, Okaa-san?" I ask her not looking away from my brothers sleeping face.

"It went," she paused, "pretty well. He slept through it, then he woke up feeling nauseous, but he's been sleeping since."

"Where is Otou-san?"

"He went to pick up Emiko from University and see about getting something to eat." Mom got up, catching my attention; she sat on the edge of his bed. "Mamo-chan, I have to tell you something."

"What is it?"

"They found something."

My head snapped up, "Nani?"

_They found something._ It never meant anything good. If it was good she would've said; _I have good news._ But she said; _they found something._

"They found a knot on the back of his knee, a tumor. They ran a biopsy on it-"

I shook my head, not wanting to hear what she had to say. No more, I don't want to hear anymore bad things.

"And it benign." I interrupted her, in a weird denial.

"Mamo-chan…" She started again, but paused as Eiji started turning over in his sleep mumbling more things about snacks. She stood walking over to my side, "Come outside, let's not wake him."

"It's benign, Okaa-san." I said again, we were now in the hall way, Eiji's door shut close behind me.

"It's malignant, Mamoru. The test came back after his chemotherapy treatment." Mom stood beside me, her back to the wall, her hands grasp together at her chest. "They don't know if it has spread, they'll have to take more samples and run more test."

I shook me head, not wanting to believe what she just said. But I knew it was true, "Does he know?"

"Iie."

I shut my eyes, hanging my head down. I had to be strong for him.

I felt mom touch my arm pulling me towards her. I allowed her to pull me into her arms. Being far over 6 foot, I towered over her, in our awkward embrace.

Being to oldest, I was always trying to be the support factor of this family. Being the first born I was babied just as bad as Eiji, but like any parents first born, I was the 'trial and error' child. Then Emiko was born, I was a big brother from then on. I tried to protect everyone; my brothers and sisters and even our mom, dad and grandparents.

I haven't been comforted in my mom in a long time. I never allowed myself until this point. Until today, I always tried to be the strong one.

"You can still be strong, Mamo-chan. You just need support; we need to support each other. Most importantly, we need to support Eiji."

We separated from each other; I starred down at her, her hazel eyes looking up at me. My mothers' looks were very exotic because of her mixed heritage.

"_Reason why we're all so gorgeous!"_ She joked with us many times.

"Let go in and see what other snacks he's dreaming about."

When we re-entered the room, Eiji was starting to wake up. His arms raised straight in the air as he starched, his mouth in a large 'O' as he yawned.

-------

**3rd POV**

"Nyyyyyyyyyyaaaaaaaa!" Eiji yawned, stretching out, trying to wake himself up. He smacked my lips, trying to taste the Pocky he just had in his mouth.

Oh, wait. It was a dream. He thought yawning again.

His stomach grumbled, as he recalled the dream of him sitting on a mountain of snacks.

"Otou-san, should be here soon with some food." A deep voice said from across the room.

Eiji snapped his head to the side, to see his oldest brother and mom standing in the doorway both looking at him, a glint of amusement in their eyes.

Eiji blinked a couple times, trying to wake up faster and focus.

"How are you feeling, baby?" Kakyuu asked, going to her sons side, Mamoru behind her.

"Kind of…" he trailed off and wiggled his fingers and smacking his lips again. "I really want some strawberry Pocky. With a Ponta…I really don't like Ponta, but Ochibi-chan loves it. Grape is his favorite. Have they came by yet? Water…can I have some water?"

His mother reached for the jug of water, pouring some in a cup.

When the cool blue plastic straw touched his lips, he jumped slightly startled. "It's just water Eiji." his mothers voice said calmly. Eiji opened my lips taking the straw between them, drinking the cool water.

As he dranked, his mother and brother talked amount themselves, trying to figure out the boys odd behavior

"…the chemo…acting weird." Was all Eiji caught of the conversation, but he couldn't focus on them. He just continued drinking, the straw was suddenly pulled from his lips, making some water dribble down his chin.

A cool hand wiped his chin and then moved to his cheeks. "Go back to sleep." Mamoru said gently, but Eiji shook my head, which he quickly regretted, as the movement made him dizzy.

"Onegai…no more sleeping."

"Alright, lets me help you." Mamoru seeing his brother sway from side to side with a goofy grin on his face, knew the boy couldn't keep himself up for long. Pressing a button on the bed, the back top of the bed began to rise.

"Arigatou, Nii-chan!" Eiji squealed.

"Did they give him anything else, Okaa-san?" Mamoru asked his mother between laughs. Eiji starred at him strangely.

"What….so funny?"

"Well, something for nausea."

"..big ol' head." Eiji mumbled, still starring at Mamoru, whose hands shot up to his head.

"Mine?"

"Gonna' explode."

"Eiji, that's not nice." Kakyuu tried to scold her drugged up child, wasn't too effective considering she was fighting back her laughs. "M-Mamoru your head isn't big."

She turned to her older son, only to find him not there. He had disappeared into the bathroom, frantically checking his head.

"…boom!" Eiji finished, making his mom jump. He laughed and continued to laugh until the color from his face vanished, and then he suddenly stopped. "I'm…" was his only warning before the water he had drank minutes ago, came up the way it had gone down.

"That was awesome! Like a scene form the Exorcist!" Hayata exclaimed coming into the room, his twin sister behind him. "Do it again Eiji-chan!" He laughed, grabbing a box of napkins by the door, as he walked to his little brother.

He took a couple tissues and handed the box over to his mother, who was currently trying to clean herself up. "Arigatou, Haya-chan."

Eiji gave him a goofy grin, looking oddly proud of the fact he was covered with his nearly clear vomit.

Haruka came over, her face clearly showing the expression of disgust. "Is he okay?"

"Oh, he's feeling great." Their mother said, pulling the blankets off the boy.

"Did everything go okay?" Hayata, asked wiping his brothers face.

"It went fine, he slept through it."

"He said I have a big head." Mamoru's voice boomed through the room, making everyone, excluding Eiji – who was in his own medicated world- jump. "I don't have a big head, do I?"

"Just a little big." Haruka said, smirking her arms crossed at her chest.

"Just a little." Hayata echoed, his pose the same as his sisters.

"Okaa-san, Satan is their biological father, right?"

"You two, be nice!" Kakyuu, said to her twin children. "Mamoru, sometimes I believe he is."

----------

Taka-san let out a low whistle as he watched Fuji Syusuke beat out his opponent in record time. The tensai went up to the net to shake hands with the other boy, who looked more amazed, then upset.

Taka-san handed a towel and bottle of water to his friend as he came up to the group. "That was...amazing, Fuji."

"Saa, I just want to get to Eiji." The blue eyed boy took a drink of water. Oishi came up to them then, handing Fuji his bag.

"Ready?"

"Hai."

"Excuse us, minna." Oishi said to their coach and the group, "We're going to the hospital to see Eiji now."

Coach Ryuzaki, nodded to the boys, "Let him know, we'll be there soon."

"Hai, Ryuzaki-sensei." The two boys then left the courts both done with their matches leaving the rest up to their team. They hated leaving, but wanted to check on their best friend. It was already past 5 PM and if they stayed through out the full game, they would have missed visiting hours.

The walk to the hospital was a long one from the courts.

"Maybe we should have gotten a cab." Oishi thought out loud.

"Hm, you're right. We should have, or my Onee-san can take us."

"Your-"

The honking of a car horn interrupted Oishi, he looked across the street to see a red sports car, "Syusuke!" A long haired blonde, Fuji's sister poked her head out the window waving at them "Oishi-kun!"

"Onee-san!" Fuji waved back to his sister. "Lets go, Oishi."

---------------

**Fuji's POV**

**--------------**

"Arigatou, Onee-san." I said to my sister as Oishi and I go out of her car. She smiled at us, and squeezed my hand.

"My pleasure. Give everyone my regards." She said, releasing my hand and placed it on the gear shift.

I nodded, shutting the car door, stepping away from the vehicle. "Ja ne, Onee-san." I watched her put the call into gear and then drive away.

"Ready, Fuji?" I turned to Oishi and nodded. As we made our way into Tokyo Children's Memorial, we said nothing.

_Saa…Memorial. I hate that word, You make memorials for dead people. You keep people in memories that are no longer here, people you aren't able to see. _

Inside the lobby- a pastel purple, blue and pink- the nurses smiled at us as we passed them to the elevator. Oishi pressed the button, which was a yellow smiley face, a loud ding informing us the elevator was there.

The doors metals door slid open, and we stepped in, pressing the button for the fourth floor.

The doors shut and still there was silence between us, just the music coming from the speakers above us, made me aware that I hadn't suddenly gone deaf.

"Fuji…" Oishi finally said as we passed the second floor. "I…"

_I'm afraid._

"It's okay, Oishi. I understand."

_Because I am too._

What if, we reach the 4th floor and his family is out in the hallway in tears. Something went wrong during his treatment. He went into a coma. He got sicker. He died.

I gulped heavy, why did I just think that?

What if, we reach Eiji's room and he is so sick and weak he can't even lift his head. He's unable to look at us, unable to talk or smile.

_Ding._

The door slid open and we stepped out.

"Arigatou, Tou-chan!" We heard Eiji squeal before the doors shut completely behind us. "Pocky! Nya…Ruka-chan! Iie! Give it back! Tou-chan, Kaa-chan make her give it back! Nya!"

Then I let out the breath I didn't realize I had been holding. I felt myself smile, out of the corner of my eye I could see Oishi was also starting to relax.

Eiji sounded okay

_Full of energy, like always._

**Room**: 428. **Name**: Kikumaru Eiji. **Age**: Fourteen. **Blood**: Type A. **Illness**: Acute Lymphocytic Leukemia and Osteosarcoma

_Osteosarcoma? What is that?_

"Is that's part of his leukemia?" Oishi asked me, I shrugged. I didn't know what else to say. I had no idea on what it was. I never heard of it, and Eiji never brought it up.

I lifted my hand, and knocked on the door.

"Come in!" someone called, I pushed open the large door and we then had 7 pairs of eyes looking at us. It wasn't until that moment that I realized that the Kikumaru family looked so much alike.

I've sat in many family dinners, I even went to their last family reunion – but having them all look towards us at once, I never noticed the likeness until now. Like a bunch of kittens expecting a saucer of cream.

"Fujiko! Oishi!" Eiji started to get up to come to us, but he was stopped by Mamoru.

Eiji pouted for a second but his smile returned. He was okay. He still looked the same, a little tired, but fine.

_He's okay._

------

**Eiji's POV**

My chest hurt. It hurt a lot. Not long ago my sister and father showed up and that was when they broke the news to me. The tumor was malignant- I have cancer in my leg.

But, I wasn't surprised. I mean, I was just…I've gotten nothing but bad news, maybe I'm use to it?

"Nya, why is everyone looking sad. I've started treatment, everything will be fine!" I just took to food my father brought and started to eat. I started making jokes, laughing and slowly everyone started to relax.

_Mission completed._

Inside I wanted to cry. I wanted to cry and he held by my family. But, that's all I've been doing. I was tired of crying…

My pocky had been stolen by Haruka when there was a knock on the door and it opened to reveal my two best friends. I wanted to jump up and run to them. Hug them- maybe even escape from this place.

Sit onto of the green container, and tell them about the crazy dream I had, about me being sick with cancer. We'd cry and then laugh relieved that it was just a dream. But, I know that wouldn't happen.

I am sick, I have cancer. This is not a dream, I'm already awake. Living in the present, no matter how many times I pinch myself, it will hurt.

Fuji and Oishi talked with my family. Hugged them and shook hands. Then it was a starring contest between me and them. They looked scared, then relieved and then happy. Their emotion changing like a mood ring, slow so its noticeable, but quick- if you blink you'll miss the slight changes.

Mood ring, that's how its been since I found out I was sick.

Black- sad, dark mood, guilty, hidden.

Red- excited.

Pink- uncertain.

Orange- wanting, aware.

Green- concerned, worried

Yellow- afraid, frightened.

Blue- relaxed

Purple- happy and anxious

Then the colors in between; the green blue, gray, weird yellow. It's no real meaning just mixed feelings and meanings. The somewhat and the maybes.

Looking at their faces; I felt guilty. Black.

I've been keeping things from them, I haven't told them everything about my illness. I haven't told them everything about the leukemia and they know nothing about the Osteosarcoma.

When I saw them yesterday. When we spoke on the phone…nothing. They would ask, I'd avoid.

"We'll leave you boys alone." My mom said, and slowly the room emptied leaving me alone with my two best friends.

"Eiji," Fuji came over to me, his piercing earth blue eyes, starring into mine. "Whats wrong?" Orange.

I couldn't help but smile, I could never hide anything from Fuji. Oishi, maybe- but not Fuji.

Oishi came up next to him, his face now worried. Green.

"One day, your eyebrows are going to grow together." I tried to joke with him.

"Eiji, is something going on?" Oishi asked.

"I…iie."

"Liar. Is it this Osteosarcoma?"

I blinked at Fuji, how did he know about that? I never told him.

"Its on your chart outside. What is it? Why didn't you tell us about it?"

I grabbed Daigoro, hiding behind him. I wanted to disappear, I felt so guilty, so ashamed. I didn't want to worry them anymore than I had.

"It's bone cancer." I answered, still hiding my face behind my stuffed bear.

"Eiji!" Daigoro was pulled from me. "Nani?…another- just...what?"

"They found another cancer," I couldn't look them in the eyes, I couldn't look _at_ them. "It…they found a tumor in my right leg earlier. Ran test and I just found out not even a hour ago…that its cancerous."

"Kami-sama…Eiji."

I sniffed, turning to my friends. "I'm so tired of crying. Tired of bad news. Demo, Oba-chan, she says all this suffering, I'll find my pot of gold or my peace."

_My peace, from death. _

"I didn't want you guys to worry anymore about me, you know?" I took Fuji's hand pulling him towards me. Though his face was emotionless, I could see through it all- he was fighting with himself, fighting with his feelings keeping them in. I pulled him closer forcing him to get on the bed beside me.

I then reached for Oishi, getting him to move around the bed and sit on the other side of me on the bed, when I moved the blanket- he froze starring at my knee. "That's where they took some of the tumor. Nya, its okay, doesn't hurt."

After a while he finally laid beside me, and we just laid there.

------

**3rd POV**

Kikumaru Kakyuu, went back to the family ward of the hospital where the rest of her family was.

Being a Children's hospital, on top of that a International hospital, there were families who came from everywhere and had no place to stay. All their money is going to the health of their child, so many are unable to spend the extra for a hotel. Thus, many parents are unable to come with their child. This hospital though, built a add on for those families.

For the parents who didn't want to leave their child.

Like the Kikumaru family.

After you walked through the double doors, the hallway looked like that of a hotel. Egg shell white walls and dark red doors.

"If Eiji finds out we're staying here. He'd freak out." Her husband said as she came into their room. Their older four children fighting over the remote control for the television.

"I know, but I can't bear to leave him." She said, sitting next to him on their bed. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling his wife close.

"Nor can-" He starred but was interrupted by a loud slap and yell.

"Itai Haruka!"

"No one wants to watch your stupid American foot-ball!"

"Oh? And what makes you think we want to watch stupid volley ball."

"It's beach volley ball!"

"And? What's the difference? Girls on a beach, jumping around in tight bikinis…oh, well volley ball it is."

"Ecchi."

"Mamoru please sit down." Emiko begged her older brother who was busy re-cleaning and reorganizing the room.

"I can't, everything is…just. Look they have queen size pillows on king size beds!"

"They are _pillows_, son."

"And?"

"Anyway, did you check on Eiji and the other boys, honey?" Motoki turned back to his wife.

"Eiji told them, I believe. Right now, they are just watching TV together." She smiled softly. "I'm so glad Eiji has them, he needs their support even more than he need ours."

----

Eiji yawned, pulling his attention from the television, where a show from America was playing. "Nya, I don't get it Oishi." He said pointing to the TV. "Why would anyone want to marry someone who cheated on them so many times?"

"I have no idea."

_**Knock Knock.**_

"You're parents?" Oishi questioned sitting up in the bed rubbing his eyes.

"Iie, they wouldn't knock. Come in!" He called, making Fuji jump who had fallen asleep beside his friends.

"Oi Oi, Senpais!" Momoshiro walked in with the rest off the Regular group behind him. In his hand was a balloon, "_It's a girl_…?" Eiji read, raising a eyebrow.

"It was the last one they had!" He smiled, and released the string letting the balloon float up to the ceiling with the others.

"Baka." Kaidoh hissed, but Momo just glared at him.

"Ochibi-chan!" Eiji set up more opening his arms, "You brought me gifts too?"

"Iie, senpai." The boy said, holding the bag of chips and candies closer to him with one arm, "_this_ is for you." His cheeks turned a light pink as he held out his hand, also holding a string attached to a balloon.

"_Happy…Birthday_?"

"He wasn't paying attention when he got it. His mind was focused on snacks."

Inui then peered around the corner his eyes brows raised high over his glasses.

"Don't worry Inui! My parents aren't here!"

"Hm," He entered the room, note book in hand. "You're looking fine, Kikumaru."

"I know, it's in my genes, nya!" He joked with a quick pose.

"He's right, we didn't know what to expect when we came." Taka-san said, and then blushed, "I mean…we didn't know if you would be up to see us."

"I understand, Taka-san." Eiji smiled at him, reassuring him he hadn't said anything wrong.

Tezuka came in at that time, starring at Eiji, arms crossed at his chest.

"Sensei, apologizes she won't be able to make it to see you today." Was his greeting, which made Eiji smile more.

"I'm fine, and how are you?"

"Hn." The captain turned away, "I've contacted your doctor and asked your father- who was in the hall. They've okayed it."

"Nani?"

"You'll see Eiji-senpai!" Momo said, grinning.

I turned and looked at Oishi and Fuji they shrugged, not knowing what the others were up to.

-------

"See, Kikumaru-senpai?" Echizen Ryoma, pulled on the brim of his hat pointing towards the tennis courts ahead of them.

"Hoi! I never knew this was here." Eiji gasped, standing between his two best friends who were trying to keep him from applying too much pressure to his left leg. "Fuji, Oishi, nya! It's fine, I've been on it all day."

"Saa, just want to make sure Eiji."

"We promised Yui-sensei and your parents that you'll be back in one piece." Oishi added in.

"Kikumaru, are you up to this?" Tezuka asked, not looking at the boy behind him.

"Hai Buchou!"

"Good." Tezuka, reached behind him, still not turning- a metallic colored racket in his hands. Eiji's racket.

Eiji reached for it, grasping it tightly. "Arigatou." He whispered, to no one but to everyone.

It had been almost a week since he last played, and now the way things were going he didn't think he'd be able to again.

It was getting darker by the second and the lights surrounding the court slowly flickered on.

"Ready?"

"Of course." Eiji leaped forward, rushing to the courts.

----

**Eiji's POV**

"Ora ora! Kikumaru, you're rusty, baby!"

"Oi! Stop swinging around and yelling, Taka-san! Just play!" I stuck my tongue out at him, and got back into position.

The guys were holding back on me, I was winning to easily. At first I argued, but the more I played the more my knee started hurting and I struggled to breath. So I didn't mind anymore.

I was happy, happier than I had been for what seemed like eternity. I didn't want to stop. Even after I felt my knee buckle under me, I continued.

I continued, I struggled to stay up to run after the ball and return it. Finally, I collapsed, both relived and disappointed, my knees gave and I found myself on the ground, starring up at the stars in the sky, trying to catch my breath.

"Eiji!" my friends called running towards me.

"Senpai!"

"Nya, minna…" I gasped between breaths; I kept my eyes on the sky, focused on the brightest star in Orion's Belt.

"Eiji, Daijyoubu?" Fuji was beside me, blocking my view of the stars. I smiled at him and he helped me sit up.

Oishi was checking on my knee making sure it was okay. It was just throbbing slightly, wasn't enough to bug me.

Inui was standing in front of me, scribbling in his green note book, Taka-san beside him looking worried, Kaidoh has him arms crossed hissing to himself every now and then looking in my direction.

Tezuka was kneeling by Oishi, checking on my knee as well.

"What's wrong with your knee?" Momoshiro, who was beside me opposite of Fuji, his hand on my back, asked.

"I…it's nothing, nya. They found something there and wanted to check it."

"They found something, but it's nothing?" Inui questioned, one eye brow high above the black frames of his glasses.

"H-hai…Iie, it's something."

"What is it?" Taka-san asked.

I couldn't answer, I looked towards Fuji. "Osteoscaoma which is a bone cancer. They found a tumor in his knee, which is cancerous."

"What does that mean? You have two cancers, Kikumaru-senpai?" Kaidoh asked.

I nodded, "Don't worry, Karou-chan! I've starting treatment so everything will be fine!" I smiled, Fuji and Momo helped me off the ground. "I'm going to be fine, don't worry, okay?"

I looked around, noting everyone's faces.

Black. Pink. Green. Yellow.

_They are sad again. I don't wont this I don't want them to be sad. _

Ochibi-chan…I looked around, he wasn't with us. "Ochibi-chan?"

**TBC**

I want to thank everyone for reading and reviewing. I have so many fanfictions that I've started and I haven't finished. I hope I don't do it with this one. I'm no planning to. I really love this fic and it's…really therapeutic for me.

Please review, negative, positive or neutral. Doesn't matter!


	12. Chapter 11: I'll Be There

This Nightmare

Chapter Eleven.

Warnings: MAJOR OOC! I tried keeping Ryoma the same, but as I continued I wasn't able to. We all know he is a 12 year old boy and most 12 year olds wouldn't think the way he is here! But hey, I know a 9 year old kid who is more mature than me!...not like it's a bad thing.

But I warned you about it so please don't bitch me out about it! Thanks. But, you can I can't stop you.

Oh! Introducing Ryoma's mothers. She is a actual character, she normally goes by her maiden name. She a former lawyer and tennis player, like most mothers she is able to soften her child. So, a reason for Ryoma's OOCness.

I hope you guys enjoy!

**This Nightmare**

**Chapter Eleven: I'll be There**

Let me fill your heart with joy and laughter  
Togetherness, well that's all I'm after  
Whenever you need me, I'll be there  
I'll be there to protect you, with an unselfish love I respect you  
Just call my name and I'll be there

**-Jackson 5**

**I'll be There**

I ran, I ran away from the group. I ran away from the courts, from the hospital. I just ran.

Kikumaru-senpai is sick and now…he's even sicker.

_Another cancer. He has another cancer._

I stopped running, leaning against the wall in my neighborhood. How long did I run? How many blocks? Miles?

"Kuso!" I cursed, dropping my bag, sliding down the fall for sit on the side walk. Why did I have to move here, to Japan? Why did have to go to Seishun Gakuen? Why did I have to meet these people?

In New York, it was simple to not like people. I'd pretend to be a Japanese tourist and at school I'd just sit in the back ignoring everyone. No one cared anyway, they would walk past me as if I was invisible.

But here, it was different. I was not looking to make friends, but I did anyway. They came up to me; I never went up to them. No matter how hard I acted, how many brick walls I pulled up –they knocked it down.

Kikumaru-senpai; he hugged me or more glomped me, gave me a nick name and teased me. He befriended me no matter how many times I pushed him away. He'd just smile. I never knew anyone like him, so caring.

I never wanted to know anyone like him. But, I have and I'm happy I have.

Buchou. Oishi-senpai. Fuji-senpai. Taka-senpai. Momo-senpai. Kaidoh-senpai. Inui-senpai. Horio. Kato. Mizuno. Tomoka. Sakuno. Kikumaru-senpai.

These are the people I've allowed into my bubble. Some of them, I've even allowed into my heart.

"Urg!" I stand picking up my bag, tired of the mushy things I'm feeling and thinking. "This is stupid." I mumble to myself, making my way home.

I stopped as I turned the corner to my block.

"_Ochibi-chan!" I groan, hearing the familiar voice calling my name, but I continue my way down the hall to my next class, ignoring it._

"_I said; Ochibi-chan!" I walk faster towards my class bumping into a people. Once I reach my class I doge into it, hoping on loosing him._

_But, my hopes were soon shattered. "Hoi! Ochibi, you made me run after you!" He's standing in the doorway, large smile on his face, hands on his hips. I just sit at my desk._

"_Mou!" He grumbles and stomps over to me, "Are you deaf, nya?"_

"_Iie." I reply, taking my books from my desk, and looking through my note pads for my homework. "I can hear just fine, senpai."_

"_Ochibi, you're so mean! Nya, I just wanted to bring you this. You left it in the locker room." He laid a piece of paper on my desk. My math homework._

"_A-arigatou, Kikumaru-senpai." _

"_No problem!" He says in heavy accented English. I look up at him, he's looking down at me smiling. _

"_Kikumaru-kun, shouldn't you return to class now?" My teacher was standing beside him. _

"_Oh!" He looks at his wrist watch, "Ja ne, Ochibi-chan!" Then he left, throwing his bright trade mark smile at me. _

I felt bad that day, he ran after me to bring me my homework making himself late for class. Instead of stopping when he called my name, I ran.

Like I did today.

I shake my head trying to clear it of my thoughts. I continue walking home, bag flung over my shoulder, hands in the pockets of my shorts.

Today I ran…because I got scared. When he fell, I froze. But he was okay, he was on the ground smiling. So, I relaxed, I started to go towards the group, towards my friend; that's when I heard him.

Osteo…something or another. He has another cancer, he has two types of caner. Leukemia, cancer of the blood. Now this other one, which is with his bones.

My cousin was standing in the door way when I got home; in her hands was our cordless phone. I hated how she was looking at me; I hate sympathy.

"Ryoma-san," She said as I started to walk past her, removing my shoes. "Your friends called, they are worried about you."

I shrugged, my back to her. "They have no reason to be worried." Then I continued to my room, shutting the door behind me.

He tried hiding it from us.

I laid back in my bed, my hands behind my head, staring at the ceiling.

"Oi, boy!" I groaned as my father knocked on the door and, without waiting to for a reply from me, walked right in.

"Oyaji!" I threw my pillow at him, which he caught, that dumb smirk on his face.

"I take it you don't want to be bothered?"

"You'd be right."

"Too bad," I groaned again as he came deeper into my room, "your friends called again. Your cell phone off?"

"Aa."

"Oh? What if the ladies try to call you?"

"Oyaji!"

"Fine fine, well, the Neko Boy called, said to call him back." I rolled my eyes, my father met Kikumaru-senpai at a match and since then he's called him _neko-boy_. He stood up then, "He's in the hospital right?"

"…"

"Well, not to sound all mushy or anything, demo, your friend needs you." With that he left my room, leaving the cordless phone on my bed. I was about to reach for the phone when the door opened. "In other words you're being stupid and selfish. Oyasumi" he popped in, then he disappeared.

I just glared at the door as it shut. After a couple minutes, I realized laser beams weren't going to shoot out of my eyes and through the door to my fathers head; I turned back onto my back staring at the ceiling.

Selfish…

Stupid…

I hate running from things, from challenges. I welcomed challenges all the time, I've even taunted people for a challenge.

This time, it wasn't a challenge for me. It's Kikumaru-senpais. He is the one sick. It's his own body that's killing him and he's trying to make it better.

Maybe that's why I ran, because there is nothing I can do about it.

"I can't do anything."

_But be there for him._

"What if I fail and he dies?"

_You'd still be there for him. Nothing you can do about it, just keep him strong. Who said he's going to die anyway?_

"You're right."

_And you're crazy talking to yourself!_

I sit up in bed, grabbing the phone dialing the number on the Caller ID.

"Tokyo Children Memorial. How my I direct your call?" A mans voice startled me, he sounded too cheerful to be working where there were sick kids.

"K-Kikumaru Eiji, room 428."

"One moment!" I had to hold the phone away from my ear. This guy was too chipper. I put the phone back against my ear listening to the hold music, the same music I recognized from the elevator.

There was a click and then silence. I heard a lot of rumbling and clattering, it sounded like someone had dropped something, maybe the phone itself.

"_O-oi! Moshi Moshi! Kikumaru Motoki here, the best Otou-san in the universe! He's beautiful, strong, funny and handsome. After raising five children past their teens"_ He paused and I was about to say something when he continued "_…oh Kami-sama, you guys are-oh I'm so old!"_

I heard voices in the background them some more clattering.

"_Moshi moshi!"_ I recognized it as Kikumaru-senpai, he sounded out of breath but there was some laughter in his voice.

I couldn't talk, my mouth just hung open. It wouldn't move, I couldn't talk. So I did the only thing I could do, I hung up.

"Baka!" I yelled at my self throwing the phone across the room. "Baka! Baka!"

Why'd I do that? Why did I hang up?

"Ryoma?" The voice was that of my moms, "Is everything okay?"

Everything is fine, just peachy.

"Hai." I stood up from my bed and went over to the phone that laid on the floor. It wasn't broke too much, fixable. The battery pack just came out. I picked it up, putting it back together. I turned and my mom was there, leaning against the door frame.

"Everything alright?"

"…"

I couldn't look at her, my mom is the only person I could let my guard down. The only person I didn't have a brick wall up against. She came to me, pulling me into her arms.

"I think coming here was one of the best decisions we ever made."

"Hm?" I looked up at her; she just looked down at me a gentle smile on her face.

"In New York, you were just a shadow, you never smiled. You lived and breathed for tennis, you only had your father to share in your passion. Now, you have those boys; you're able to live. You smile more, You're your own person now, no longer a miniaturized version of your father. When I meet them, I can't wait to thank them."

_I can't wait to thank them either._

"Arigatou, Okaa-san."

She squeezed me then released, turning to leave the room.

"Okaa-san?"

"Hm?"

"_Oyasumi."_

"Oyasumi, Ryo-chan." Looking over her shoulder she smiled at her son, and left shutting the door behind her.

After the door shut behind her, I laid back on my bed. Trying to relax.

_She called me Ryo-chan, she hasn't called me that since…forever. Otou-san told her it was a name for babies and I would never grow into a man, if she called me that._

_I missed it. _

------------------

"Why don't you go with us to see him, Echizen?" Momo asked me as he finished the buttoning up his school blouse.

"…" Was my answer, I kept my back to him as I zipped up my tennis bag.

"Echizen, it's been two days. He's been asking about you. He calls you but he says you don't answer."

There was a pang in my chest – in my heart. Guilt.

I wanted to see him, there were times I'd go to the hospital, I'd be in front of the elevator and then, I'd turn and run.

"Echizen," my back stiffened as our captain called my name. "We're going to the hospital, are you coming?"

"Iie."

"It's kind of cruel not to see a sick friend." Momo-senpai growled at me, I still didn't turn. I heard him curse and then storm out, slamming the club house door.

I heard more foots steps as people left, but I knew I wasn't alone. "Fuji-senpai, I'm not going."

"Saa, Echizen, if you continue to upset Eiji," He threatened then paused sending shivers down my spine. I waited for him to continue but he didn't.

"Fuji-" I turned and he wasn't there, I was alone.

----------

I wanted to see him, I wanted to apologize. But, I couldn't. I couldn't even call. Another day past, again my Senpais tried to convince me to see him, but I couldn't. Momo-senpai wasn't speaking to me nor was Fuji-senpai, but he sent me glares that would make Satan repent.

Taka-senpai and Oishi-senpai tried to act normal to me, but they even had some type of coldness. Kaidoh-senpai and I were never close so nothing between us changed, maybe it did.

Buchou, he didn't say or do anything. He'd ask me to go, like the others, but when I denied he'd turn away.

Why couldn't they understand? It wasn't because I didn't want to…it was because I couldn't.

--------

**First new message, sent today at 10: 57 am.**

_Hoi Hoi Oichibi! This is your one and only Eiji-senpai! Oi…ano, I haven't seen you in, nya, a couple days now. I wanted to check on you, see if you're doing okay. Ano, call me, onegai. I…uh, I've been doing maintenance, that's what they call the chemo therapy, for over going on 2 weeks now. It still sucks…eh, but I don't want to tell you all of this on your phone. Come see me, nya! Eiji misses Ochibi-chan! Ja ne!_

**Next new message sent today at 9:25 pm**

_Oi, Echizen. Ano, it's me again. Sorry if I'm bugging you, just I miss you. The guys came today, again making up excuses for you. I know, you're scared. I am too. Very. I know we aren't the closet friends, you know, demo I thought we were friends. I'm scared, Echizen, I've been losing my hair and I cried today like a little baby, in front of Buchou and everyone! I was so embarrassed! But I have good new, they said my white blood cell count is up…so, I could be going home soon. _

_Call me? Visit me? Nya…missyou._

He called me Echizen, not Ochibi…Echizen. I sighed and replayed the message The last part was quick but it lingered in my mind.

_I miss you._

----

"Tokyo Children's Memorial how my I direct your call?"

"Kikumaru Eiji room 428." I bit my lower lip, standing on the porch in front of my house.

"I apologize, sir."

"Nani?" My heart stopped in my chest when she said that. Did something happen? Maybe they wouldn't put me through, it was past 10 PM.

"Kikumaru Eiji had been moved to 480, but I will direct your call. One moment." I heard the familiar click and then the hold music. It was different this time it wasn't the elevator but music; it sounded like a lullaby, in some other language.

"_Moshi Moshi!" _Came the cheerful voice I had been expecting, a great relief from the hold music.

"Ki-Kikumaru-san?"

"_H-hoi. Ochibi-chan? Ochibi! Nya, you called! How are you, Ochibi?"_

I could picture him jumping up from his bed, jumping on the mattress. He sounded out of breath I'd even place bets he was doing exactly just that.

"I'm okay. I wanted to call and apolo-"

"_Nya! Don't mind! Come see me! I miss Ochibi's face!"_

"I-"

"_No excuses, I've heard plenty! Come see me! Come see me! Come see me! Come see me! Come see me! Come see me! Nyaaaaaaaaaa! Come see me!"_

"Demo-" I cut my own self short, I could hear him whimpering over the phone. If I denied him this phone call wouldn't be ending anytime soon nor would the tension with the team. "I'll come."

"_Sugoi! Tomorrow, onegai!"_

"Tomorrow." I gave in.

"_Promise?"_

"Promise."

"_Yay! See you tomorrow, Ochibi!"_ Before I was able to say another word the line went dead. I starred at my phone in my hand before closing it. I sighed shaking my head, the words I had rehearsed on saying I wasn't even able to start.

"Okaa-san!" I called walking back into the house, she met me in the hall way her coffee cup in hand. "Coffee?" I questioned, this time at night.

"Milk." She corrected with a smile.

"Oh." I bit my lip again, "I have a favor to ask of you.

----

I yawned, sitting in the hallway in front of the nurses station on the fourth floor.

"I shouldn't be condoning this." I turned to my mother who was sitting beside me, smiling down at me. "Skipping school."

"It's not skipping, you know where I am." She laughed, and I pulled on the brim of my hat, leaning back against my chair. "Wake me up when its 9 o'clock." I yawned again and shut my eyes.

After a little convincing, my mother agreed to call me in sick this morning after I told her what I wanted to do today.

_Ding dong- Good Morning, Ohayo, Bonjour, Guten Morgan…_

I rolled my eyes at the over head greeting continued in different languages. Did they wake up everyday to this? This is my first time hearing it and I was already annoyed.

"Reminds me of an airport." My mom commented, and stood straightening her dress. She was yellow a bright yellow sun dress and her dark brown hair up in a loose bun.

'I want to look nice; I'm meeting your friend. I want them to know that you so have at least one sane parent.' Was her answer when I questioned her attire.

"Are you ready, Ryo-chan?" She asked me as I stood up from the seat.

"I really don't know." I mumbled, putting my hands deeply into my pockets, with that we made our way down to room 480.

**3rd POV**

Ryoma knocked on the large door, sending a quick glance over his shoulder to make sure his mom was still there. After a couple seconds, there wasn't a response, so he knocked again.

"Excuse me." He turned to see a nurse standing there, "Are you looking for Eiji-kun?"

"We are." Ryoma's mother answered.

"He's currently undergoing some test, but he'll be back shortly. You're more than welcomed to go inside and wait."

"Arigatou, ano"

"Tuskino Hotaru, I'm Eiji-kun's nurse." She smiled at us, and pushed open the door of Eiji's room. "Go inside, I'll let his parents know he has visitors."

Inside the room, Ryoma sat near the window while his mother sat in a chair beside the bed. "It's sad." She said suddenly, putting her hand to her heart.

"What is?"

"His mother must sit here, watching him sleep worrying over him. I- I couldn't bear it if it was you Ryo-chan. I…I just couldn't."

Ryoma didn't respond, he watched her for a second as she sadly looked at the hospital bed that Eiji has called his for a week, then looked back out the window.

The day was weird, some portions of the sky were bright and clear and the rest were dotted with grey rain clouds.

Twenty minutes went by before the large wooden door opened, there was a silence as Ryoma stood from his seat by the window and his mother came over to join him. They stood there watching as Eiji was carried in, in the arms of his father, behind him stood another man, following them with a IV stand.

Ryoma's breath stopped in his chest, sending a sharp pain through his body. His senpai looked the total opposite of what he did just a couple days before. His face was pale with a little bit of green at his cheeks.

He looked awful. A squeeze at his shoulder brought his attention from the face of the older boy to his mothers. She was looking down, but not at him. Her brown eyes shut.

"Ochibi…chan." The tired voice of his senpai made him look back towards him. Eiji had been settled on his bed, his doctor had one of his hands in his, checking the boys pulse, while the nurse went about getting the IVs settled on the stand.

"I want him placed on a monitor tonight. How are you feeling right now, Eiji-kun?"

"Not too good, Yui-sensei, demo…I want to see Ochi-Ochibi-chan."

"Ochibi-who?"

"It's his friend here Sensei." Eiji's father said, as more people buzzed around his son. He came over to where the mother and son were standing.

"Kikumaru Motoki," He said, holding his hand out to the woman.

"I'm Echizen-Takeuchi Rinko," She took the mans hand, shaking it.

"Nice to meet you. Ano, that is my wife Kikumaru Kakyuu."

Eiji mom was sitting with her son, holding onto his hand tightly in her own world; not aware of the doctors or them. Just her and her son.

"What happened, Kikumaru-san?"

"He had really bad nausea this morning while they ran test. Then during his chemotherapy he started vomiting uncontrollably." He ran his fingers through his hair, letting out a shaking breath

The normally good looking well kempt man, stood there watching his son; his face covered with stubble, dark circles under his once bright blue eyes, his hair which was normally well kept and shaped, was untamed and combed.

"Do you need anything?" Ryomas mother asked.

"A miracle."

---

The mother and son pair sat outside in the hallway of the hospital right outside Eiji's room.

"Are you okay, Ryoma?"

The boy didn't respond he sat there, leaning back in the seat his hands deep in his pockets. She was unable to see his face because of his hat which was tightly pulled down hiding his face.

"…he'll be okay, Sensei?" The conversation between the parent of the patient and doctor drifted into the hall as the door opened.

"He'll be fine. Today was just a bad day, Motoki-san."

The doctor placed his hand on the mans shoulder giving it a comforting squeeze, and then left. Shortly after, other doctors and nurses came out of the room. Motoki, turned to the pair. "He's been wanting to see you." With that he turned, Ryoma following him into the room.

Eiji was laying in his bed, his mother still beside him holding his hand. His eyes were shut and he had a oxygen tube against his nose, but the color was coming back into his face.

His eyes opened as Ryoma moved closer, he smiled at him, trying to sit up. "Ochibi." He gasped. Ryoma went over to him, moving closer to the third year.

He looked thinner and so did his hair, the normally flipped locks that bounced were now thin and frail looking. The thickness was gone and left behind dull locks that laid every which way.

As Ryoma looked over his senpai he noticed a tube that was snaking from somewhere on his chest down the sleeve of his shirt.

"Its my IV catheter." Eiji answered the unasked question, "called a Hickman line, so they won't have to poke me for my fluids. I got it a couple days ago. You should've saw Oishi's face. He turned so many colors." Eiji's smile grew. "Sorry about earlier."

Ryoma's mouth opened and closed but no sound came out.

"Kakyuu, lets leave them alone. Echizen-kun mother is out there, come meet her."

His mother looked hesitant, but after receiving a smile from her son she got up, leaving the two boys alone.

"I'm happy you're here, nya. I couldn't stop thinking that I wouldn't be able to be-"

"Mada mada dane." Ryoma took off his trademark hat, placing it on his senpai's head.

"Mada mada dane, Kikumaru-senpai."

**TBC**

-----------

Sorry for skipping so many days, but I really had to fast forward this story. It was starting to run dry and I was running dry for ideas. So, I skipped forward.

The catheter I'm speaking of is basically a IV that you don't have to remove. Thus the patient doesn't have to be poked again day after day, dose after dose. These are for patients who require more of a intensive treatment and go through treatments many times a day or multiple times a week. It's not used just for chemotherapy, but also for other medications like; transfusions, antibiotics and other liquids.

The tube is under the skin on the chest and goes into a large vein near the collarbone and moves inside the vein to the heart. It's painless, after its healed and such, and very handy.

My father had a similar line when he was going through dialysis. I'm not sure if it was the same thing but very similar. For more information take a look at wikipedia.

http/en. "mada mada dane" can mean things from; you still have lots to work on, you have a long way to go, not yet…etc etc…I'm basically use it in the text of **not yet**. I had to put his catch phrase in here sometime, ne?

Please review! Anyone have any idea's for me? Suggestions?


	13. Chapter 12: Lean on Me

Hey it's me again! Wow, thank you so much for the reviews. You're all so awesome. Right now, I'm totally exhausted, still haven't gotten more sleep. But, I' okay. Medicated and ready to face the world. Well, not really. I bed if I got out of bed right now I'll fall flat on my face.

I don't want to work tomorrow, but I sadly have too. Damn, the thing called making a living.

**Warnings:** OOCness of course, um…nothing much else.

Done partly medicated, so please forgive any errors. I promise I will go over it when I'm sober.

**Title: This Nightmare**

**Chapter: Twelve**

Lean on Me.

Lean on me, when you're not strong  
And I'll be your friend  
I'll help you carry on  
For it won't be long  
'Til I'm gonna need  
Somebody to lean on

-Lean on me

-------------------

**Echizen's POV**

"Kikumaru-senpai, I don't think that is how you play this game." I raised my eye brow at my senpai as he randomly put down cards claiming he had a full house. He just ignored me, picking up more cards and putting it down.

"Nya, shut up. BINGO!" He yelled out. "Mou, I'll play it how I'll like."

I couldn't help but to smirk, I knew he didn't know how to play poker but I didn't think it would be this bad, or this hard to teach him.

"Senpai, a full house is…" I trailed off when he started mixing the cards.

"This is my favorite part." He said shuffling the cards over and over, the familiar fluttering of the cards making him smile more. I just shook my head and handed him my hand of cards.

"Why don't we play something else?"

"Hide and go seek?" He asked, I stared at him not knowing what to say about his suggestion. I think most of it was medication, but it could just be Kikumaru-senpai himself.

"Uh…Iie."

He pouted and then smiled, winking at me.

"Justa playing!" he said in broken English. "Lets watch TV!" The picked up the remote control for the television that was hanging on the wall. "What do you want to watch? Cartoons?"

Before I could answer he turned on the television and turned it to his cartoons. I just sighed, and shook my head.

I turned my attention to the television an American cartoon was playing; _Tom and Jerry_, for some reason every time I watched this I would get a headache. My dad always teased it was all the propaganda and sublimative messages on it.

I couldn't help to sneak a couple peaks at him out of the corner of my eye. His face was pretty much shadowed over by my cap…his cap. But the rest of him was so… different. He was pale, his skin matched the sheets he was laying in. In arms that were once lean and muscular were thin and frail looking. Bruises from the times he was poked with IVs or something.

I stifled a sigh and turned my attention to the television, we watched in silence until he barked out a laugh followed by a fit of coughing. I could only watch him as he brought up his hand to cover his mouth, turning his head away as he cough. I couldn't help but to make a face; his cough sounded bad- wet and full of something.

I got up, when he turned spitting in a basin. Picking up his pitcher of water I poured it into his cup and held it out to him, waiting for his fit to finish.

"Thank you." He said, he reached out to take the cup and I noticed his hand was shaking. I turned the straw brought the cup to his face, putting the straw on his dry lips. He greedily started drinking it, I was about to stop him from drinking so fast when he pulled his head away.

"Thank you." He said again, he laid back down in his head. I couldn't do anything but sit there.

"That poor neko." Kikumaru-senpai started after we were quite for a couple minutes.

"He's hungry but that damn rat won't stay still. Do cats really eat mice Ochibi? Does Karupin?"

"Iie, she chases them and toys with them. But she doesn't kill it or eat it."

"Good." He said, and I thought the same on the inside, I wouldn't know what to do if she brought a dead rat up to me in her mouth. The thought alone made my insides turn.

----

**3rd Person POV**

Just minutes after the young tennis player left his senpai, to go home, Fuji walked in; folders of Eiji's home work in his arms along with a text book. He went up to the bed, where Eiji was laying his eyes shut but not asleep.

"So, Echizen was here." Fuji asked pulling on the hat that adorned his friends head.

Eiji nodded smiling at his best friend, "All day."

"Saa, good."

"Say, Fujiko?"

"Hm?"

"You didn't threaten Ochibi did you?"

Fuji just smiled, "Would I do something like that?"

"Nya, Fuji. Remember during our second year when the guy at the burger stand cut in front of me."

"Aa."

"Do you remember what you did?"

"I talked to him."

"Oh, you talked to him. Made him cry like a little baby and run away."

"He didn't cry, he whimpered."

"'Fuji…" Eiji warned.

"Saa, Eiji, I didn't threaten him. Promise, just warned him a couple times." Fuji sat on the edge of the bed as Eiji moved over.

Fuji was alone visiting Eiji. Oishi had to baby sit his little sister and the others, he didn't listen to their excuses. They didn't matter to him anyway. He liked to see Eiji by himself, they were able to talk more, and he could focus all attention on his friend.

Fuji laid down next to his best friend, staring that the boys face. Eiji had shut his eyes and was drifting into sleep, he opened his mouth letting out a long yawn. _You look so different, Eiji_. Fuji thought bringing his hand up to move a piece of hair from the boys face, and as he did it broke off into his hand. _So pale, you've lost weight. Though you sleep most of the time you look so tired._

He gently removed the hat off Eiji's head putting it on the dresser beside the bed. _Your hair. I know how much the Kikumaru's love their hair. And for you to loose yours…I know it hurts. You try to hide the pain you're in, your sadness but I can tell. I see it in your eyes._

"I'm here for you." Fuji whispered, shutting his eyes. He soon drifted into sleep beside his best friend.

----

**Eiji's POV**

My eyes fluttered open, adjusting to the dim light in the room. My mouth was dry and I was shaking, but I could feel the sweat pouring down my face, I felt cold but hot at the same time. I felt...lost. Like I wasn't in my body. But I was, I could feel myself moving. But I couldn't FEEL.

I licked my chapped dry lips, trying to quince my thrist, but to no avail.

Someone was there touching my head with someone cool. "It's okay Eiji, go back to sleep."

"F…Fuji?" I coughed, remembering he was here with me earlier.

"Iie, it's Haruka." I squinted my eyes trying to focus on her, she smiled at me and continued to stroke my head with the cool cloth. "How are you feeling?"

"Weird." I replied, coughing. I grabbed my stomach as a familiar feeling came over me; nausea. I tried to hold it down, but it just made it worse, I rolled over, aiming for the floor. Thankfully someone was holding a trash can for me.

As the bile came up my throat, I couldn't help but release the tears, my stomach cramped up and it was painful, my heart felt like it had a million pins in it and more were being added.

"Easy, Chibi. Easy." Over the sounds of my own retching and coughing, I recognized it at Hayata's voice. By the time I had stopped throwing up, I felt like my stomach was going to collapse in on it self. It hurt so bad.

Someone was wiping my face and helping me back onto bed, I laid my head down on the pillows…why is it so dark? I can't see anything.

"…he okay?"

"He'll be fine, Fuji-kun."

Fuji was still here? No, I hated him seeing me like this. I hated any of them seeing me like this. Are my eyes close? It's dark…I can't see.

----

**Hayata's POV**

"Eiji?" I moved the bile filled trashcan away from the turning my attention back to my brother. He was moving his head from side to side, as if he was looking for something. I touched his shoulder and he turned his head to me.

"Are my eyes open?" I touched his face, he was burning up.

"Call a nurse, Fuji." He was up before I could finish pressing the button on the wall. "Eiji, your eyes are close. Can you open them?"

"I'm…" His eyes fluttered open, and then he shut them again his bottom lip shaking. "okay."

"No you're not. You have a fever, but you will be okay." Haruka said, running the wet cloth over his face.

I could see Eiji was trying to calm down, he opened his eyes and then shut them again as he took deep breaths. "I'm…okay." He repeated, "Okay."

The nurse came in followed by Eiji's doctors. We were pushed away outside into the hall as they started to check his vitals.

I put my arm around my twin sister who was standing in front of the door looking into the room. Her hands covering her mouth, her eyes wide. "It'll be okay Ruka."

Fuji was beside her, his blue eyes open. When I first met the boy, he and Eiji were studying at our house. I use to tease him about his looks, and how soft spoken he was, but one day I saw him serious- stepping up for my little brother. The look in his eyes, even remembering it sent chills down my spine.

The nurse noticed us looking in and then shut the door.

Looking at him now, I reach over and I pull him towards us. This boy was part of our family. He and Oishi, the two people I know who would walk through lava and the flames of hell for my brother.

"_He was fine, earlier."_ He commented when Eiji first started getting chills this evening.

"_Just the effects of his chemo."_

"Haruka! Hayata!" I turned to see our parents running our way. Mom's face showing full panic- just broke my heart.

"What happened?" Dad asked once they reached us.

"He was fine earlier today, Fuji said. Then he woke up Eiji was soaking with sweat, he called the nurse who said he'd be okay and then we came. He picked up a fever and then…he just got bad. But he was pretty lucid, talking to us."

The door opened back up and Eiji's nurse came to us, tying her hair back. "He'll be okay. He has a fever and his blood pressure when up, but we gave him something so it's coming down, so is his fever. He'll be fine." She smiled and we all sighed with relief, the doctors came out smiling also.

"Your son loves to scare us." Yui-sensei commented.

"He does." My mom placed her hand on her chest, "jumping from heights, getting into anything and everything."

"Our daredevil."

Haruka put her head on my shoulder and started crying. I hated this, Haruka never cried, last time I had seen her cry was when we were little- right after Eiji was born. She had ran into the wall and started bawling- mostly because of her own embarrassment.

I think I've cried more than her.

"Oi! Baka!" I pulled hard on one of her pigtails. Her head snapped up and she rubbed her eyes, glaring at me. "Cry baby!"

I stuck my tongue out, laughing at her. Then, I received a familiar pain I had been trying to avoid.

Haruka Pinch.

"Itai!" I cried, grabbing my arm.

She stood there smug look on her face, dad was laughing and Fuji was smirking at me.

Haruka turned looking at the doctor, "May I see my Koneko-chan now?"

"O-of course."

I watched them go into the room to my little brother, I stood behind rubbing my arm. _Things I do to keep a smile on her face._

"That must hurt Hayata-san. You should get the nurse to check it."

I blinked at Fuji who was still standing there. "Just Hayata." I looked at my arm, the skin was broken and it was red, slowly started to bruise. "It'll be fine. I've had many"

------------------

**Fuji's POV**

"Do you need a ride home Syusuke-kun?" Eiji's mother asked me as I picked up my bags getting ready to leave.

I smiled at her, shaking my head. "I'm okay; Onee-san is picking me up." I went over her where she was sitting next to Eiji holding his had, I bent down and kissed her on her cheek. "I'll be back tomorrow."

"Trying to steal my wife Syusuke-kun?" Eiji's dad commented, which he always said when I did that.

"One day." I replied like always and turned to leave.

"Syusuke-kun?" I stopped at the doorway, turning around to look at the Kikumaru family. "Arigatou." His mother said, smiling at me.

I raised a eye brow. "For what?"

"For…so much."

I just smiled, nodding my head not knowing what exactly to say. No words felt right. "Ja ne." I turned away again leaving the room.

---

"How is he today aniki?" My little brothers voice asked from the back seat of our sisters car.

I jumped slightly turning around, in my seat "Yuuta? What are you doing here?"

"It's the weekend, aniki." He raised his eye brow at me, "You look terrible."

"He hasn't been sleeping." Yumiko said as she shifted gears. "He's either at school, at a match or at the hospital. When we get home he'll get on the phone and call Oishi who will have a conference call with Eiji. They will all talk until Eiji falls asleep on the phone. Then he'll stay up doing his homework."

I was staring out the car window during her dialogue. I remained silent not commenting, because she was right. That's what I did and I will do.

I heard Yuuta whistle, but he didn't say anything but that didn't stop my sister.

"Syu-chan, you're slowly killing your self."

I suppressed a sigh, I didn't want to start anything I was too tired. "Syu-chan, are you listening to me?"

"Hai." I sighed, shutting my eyes. "I'm listening."

"Why are you doing this to yourself?"

Alright, I understand she's concerned about my health and well being. But, she was starting to go too far and I was in no mood to smile and take it today. "I'm fine, Onee-san."

"You're _fine_?"

_Oh Kami-sama._

"You call eating breakfast and falling asleep with egg hanging from your mouth, _fine_? How about forgetting half of your belongings rushing out in the morning? Not going to sleep until 3 hours before you have to wake up, is _fine_?"

I opened my mouth to respond, when my phone –thankfully- started to vibrate and ring. I took it out of my pocket and flipped it open; it was Oishi.

Pressing the answer button, I brought it up to my ear. "Oishi."

"_Did you see Eiji?"_

"Of course."

"_How is he?"_

"Saa…he was fine. He got pretty sick; blood pressure spiked up as well as his fever." I paused, I could see out the corner of my eye Yumiko was holding the steering wheel so hard her knuckles were turning right. "They pretty much knocked him out so I don't think we should disturb him tonight."

"_Kuso."_

"Hm?"

"_I…I feel bad for not going."_

"Don't worry about it. Eiji understands."

"_I know…Ri-chan! Stop it!"_ I had to pull the phone away from my ear as Oishi yelled at his little sister. _"Gomen, Fuji. She keeps putting her dolls in my fish tank."_

I chuckled, shaking me head. "Well go make sure Barbie doesn't so sleeping with the fishes."

"_Ah…too late! Oyasumi Fuji."_

"Oyasumi." I flipped my phone shut, putting it back into my pocket.

"Syu-chan…I'm just worried about you."

_And I'm worried about Eiji. _"I know, but I'll be okay." I resumed looking out the window, Eiji hasn't been out the hospital in over a month. He hasn't seen the city in that long, he hasn't been to school in that long, he hasn't seen his home in that long.

-------

I yawned looking at the papers in front of me, math. One of my weakest subject, but I was still good at it. I rubbed my eyes looking at the clock beside me. It was already past 3 in the morning.

I pushed the paper away from me; it was next week's assignments anyway- rubbing my eyes. I was tired, but my mind wouldn't stop. I would just lay there looking into the pitch darkness. I sighed; pulling a picture towards me that was sitting on my desk.

Picture of Eiji and I, during our second year, I remember the day it was taken. Eiji had spotted my camera in my bag and grabbed it then he grabbed me snapping the picture, his arm thrown over my shoulder smile large. Me on the other hand, a plain look of shock eyes open and wide staring at him- but I was grinning.

One of my favorites.

Another picture was of Oishi and I with Eiji's family a couple months ago when the Sakura trees were blossoming, we were on the grass Eiji was reaching for something Hayata had taken, climbing over Oishi and Haruka starring at the back of her twins head, upset about something. While Mamoru was trying to keep everything organized as Emiko was taking things out of the picnic basket.

On the back of it, Eiji's father had written: _Welcome to the family!_

It was just a picture that made you smile.

Their family was strange but filled with so much love. Strange love. The way they accepted Oishi and I into their family like sons and brothers, the way the would call us on a regular basis if we hadn't been by their house.

_You boys make my son smile. Those who make Eiji happy make us happy._

I wouldn't know…what they would do, what I would do if something happened to Eiji.

I blinks when I noticed drops of water had fallen on to the frame, onto Eiji's face. I brought my hand up to touch my eyes, that's when I noticed I was crying. I haven't cried for this long; why am I crying now?

I need to be strong for him. I need to be his pillar for him to lean on.

_But who am I leaning on?_

**Oishi**

----------

I tossed and turned in bed, trying to find a comfortable position. After every angle, including hanging over the side of the best, I finally gave up. I sat up in bed and threw my legs over the side.

Sighing I stood up, finding my way blindly to my bedroom door. I opened it, blinding myself by the bright light from the hallway. After blinking a couple times my eyes adjusted and I stepped out into the hallway.

I made my way down stairs into my kitchen and started digging through the refrigerator. I have no idea what I'm looking for. I'm not hungry, not thirsty. I move aside cartons of milk and orange juice. _If I was a little older_…I thought looking at the beer in the back.

I shook my head, pulling myself back I shut the door. Cutting off the cool air that had been flowing my way. I sigh, and sit at the kitchen table.

_Mou! Oishi! I don't understand, nyaaaaaaaaaaaaaa…what's the difference between a royal flush and a straight flush! Nya, and just what are we flushing? What is this card again? A Clover? Nyaaaaaaaaaa Fuji…stop laughing its not funny!_

I let out a small laugh, remembering the day we tried to teach Eiji how to play Poker. The cards ended up being made into a house and we ended up playing hide and go seek with my little sister.

I lifted up the lid to a cookie jar, pulling out the deck of card. For some reason my dad kept it there. I flipped through them, looking for Eiji's card. When I found it I smiled, it was the 3 of diamond. Eiji had labeled each diamond with our names.

_Fuji…Eiji…Oishi_

I put my head down holding the card in my hand. Slowly I felt my lids become heavy and I drifted off into sleep, the card never leaving my hand.

_Oishi…Eiji…Fuji. _

**TBC**

-----

Ah! I made Fuji cry! Gomen gomen! Anyway, my ex best friend (DAMN YOU TO HELL) was very close to my family, he was like my brother. So, because Oishi and Fuji are going to be major characters in the fic, I need to make them closer to the family. So I did.

But, Oishi and Fuji are very close to the Kikumaru family. They have been to sleep overs at their house been to family picnics and even a couple family reunions.

Yeah…open your minds: plays Pink Floyd in the background : release your imaginations!

Review!


	14. Interlogue: Friends

Hey everyone! Again thank you so much for the reviews. They are totally awesome! This is just quick update, short chapter. Mostly a filler and kinda like a second part from the last chapter. Interlogue, that's what I'm looking for.

nightmare rose- thanks for your review. I was actually going to skip him waking up…well actually skip a couple days! Hehe, but this is for you and everyone! It's not funny, but I tried to make it…chuckle-able?

Merissala- They are what? Close to the family? I have no idea, but they should be for me, I introduce all my best friends (damn them all!) to my family. But, yeah I was just saying for this fic they are close to the family and stuff. Nothing official though!

: looks for other questions in reviews :

If I missed anyone's questions sorry! Just let me know! THANK YOU ALL FOR THE REVIEWS!

REVISED: SORRY I ADDED ANOTHER PART ON IT THAT I TOTALLY FORGOT ABOUT, THE PART WHERE IS SAYS "NEXT DAY" WAS ANOTHER CHAPTER, BUT IT WAS SHORT TOO SO I ADDED THEM TOGETHER!

**Warnings:**_ Like always OOCness as well as SHORT…not really now! _Also more OCs

**Title:** This Nightmare

Interlogue:Friends

Friends are there for you when you need them  
look around you they're waiting  
for you to reach out your hand  
Friends are there for you right beside you  
let them know what you're feeling  
and they will understand

-Olivia Gray

Friends

_--------------_

_Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz_

I could feel the muscles in my face twitch, something was disturbing my sleep it sounded so far away, but it was right there. Like a fly annoyingly buzzing around my head.

_Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz_

I groaned rolling over, trying to get away from the sound.

_Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz_

_What the heck!_ I growled opening my eyes, to find the source of the sound. Beside me on my pillow laid my cell phone, vibrating and the red light blinking at me. I grabbed my phone, my vision to blurry to read the name on the front. I open it; answering the call.

"Moshi mo-"

"_O-Oishi-kun."_ I blink, the voice sounded familiar but I couldn't put my finger on it. My mind was still half asleep, the wheels were turning slowly.

"Who is this?" I asked unable to figure it out after a couple seconds.

"_It's E-Emiko…Ki-Kikumaru Emiko."_

My eyes widened as I sat up in bed, out of the corner of my eye I could see the digital clock beside me; 5:17 am. "Emiko-san, what's wrong?" My heart started beating wildly in my chest as I realized she was crying. _Oh Kami-sama oh Kami-sama._

"_O-Oishi-kun…I…it's Eiji."_ I was up and out of my bed, I immediately felt dizzy but I had the power to remain on my feet.

_It's Eiji. It's Eiji. It's Eiji…_

_What about Eiji?_

"Wh…" I started but my voice got caught in my throat. I didn't want to know. I didn't I…

"_He died…Eiji's dead!"_

_Eiji's dead…Eiji's dead…Eiji's dead. My best friend is dead. Iie, she's lying. Eiji put her up to this…some stupid joke. Eiji no baka._

"_Oishi-kun…I…Gomen nasai."_

_I let the phone fall from my hands. Eiji isn't dead. Eiji can't die…He's Kikumaru Eiji. Part of the Golden Pair of Seigaku. He's my genki best friend. _

_He's not dead…_

_Eiji is dead._

_Iie._

_He is, Oishi. He's dead Oishi…_

_He's gone…_

_He died, Oishi._

_Oishi…_

Shuichirou…

"Shuichirou, honey wake up. Shu-chan!" My head snapped up with a sob escaped my mouth I looked around frantically not knowing where I was; one minute I was in my room the next I'm in the kitchen again. I took a deep breath trying to calm down, my chest felt tight, my neck hurt and my hands shaking on the table.

I slowly looked up and my eyes met green one's; large concerned green ones.

"O-okaa-san?" I blinked a couple times, my vision was blurred and burned with tears.

"What's wrong, honey." She took my face in her face, wiping my damp cheeks. The expression on her face was strange, concern and…amusement? "You were crying in your sleep."

"I..it was a dream." I gasped as realization hit me.

It was all I dream…a nightmare. Eiji's sister didn't call me so that meant Eiji was alive.

_Oishi…Eiji is dead._

"Honey, I think your sister…" I mom was saying, but I wasn't paying attention.

"Eiji…" I stood, hearing my mom gasp, but I don't stop, I race to the hallway outside the kitchen looking for the phone. I pick up the cordless and dialed the number I've dialed so many times the last month.

"_Tokyo Childrens M-"_

"Kikumaru Eiji's room, onegai!" I said quickly, interrupting the woman.

"_One moment."_

I was still shaking, I needed to know. I need to hear his voice to make sure he was alive I needed to.

"_Moshi Moshi! Eiji here."_

I laughed, I cried…I did both. I couldn't help it. He was alive, he sounded tired but he was alive.

"_Hoi…ano, Oishi? That you?"_

I opened my mouth to answer, but I couldn't talk I was only able to let out a chocked laugh.

"_Nya?"_

"You're okay…" I was finally able to gasp out. "You're really okay."

"_Hoi…I think so."_

"I'm going to come and see you today."

"_Yay! I miss Oishi!"_

I smiled_, I miss you too_, I thought but I remained silent. I sat there as he talked, about everything and nothing. Just sat there and listen, he was talking so he was breathing meaning he is alive.

_He's alive. It was just a dream. This is real._

_He's alive._

As I sat there, my eyes wondered down to my arms. I had to stare at it for a while, the words Eiji was telling me not reaching my brain. _What the…_

Something was on my arm, I brought my arm up, out of the shadow of my own body to see it better. I wasn't seeing things; there was something written on my arm, in a black marker or something.

_Poopie head _It read. As Eiji continued to talk, I stood going over to the mirror that was hung on the wall in the hall way. _Poopie head! Poopie head! Fish lover! I play with Barbies!_ was written all over my face and neck. My eyes grew wide I barely had enough time to tell Eiji to hold on before yelling up the stairs to where I knew the culprit laid.

"Rina!"

I ran up the stairs to where I heard a childish grin and squeal, there she stood at the top of the stairs, her hands behind her back looking at me innocently.

"Hai, Nii-chan?"

"You're gonna get it!" She squealed again turning to run to her room, I chased her down the hall the phone still in my hand.

_I love being a big brother._

-------------------------------------------------

Tap. Tap. Tap. Went the repetitive beat of my pen on the oak wood desk. My stomach clenched as I moved it over to the paper, the names of the tennis Regulars all listed.

Kikumaru Eiji. His name was still there, I've never crossed it out; never had the courage to.

Never had the heart.

My pen hovered over his name; I started to bring it down. I started to let the tip of the pen touch his name. I couldn't.

Sighing, I brought my other hand up to my head to rub my temples. How could this be so hard? Why is this so hard? I've never second guess myself, I've never back away from the things I've needed to do.

_He's your friend._ The little voice in the back of my head said. _And what you need to do is…_

"Replace him."

I have to replace Kikumaru, take him off the roaster list of the Regulars. Eiji the other half of the Golden Pair, a player who I must admit isn't the best out of us all but he is one of the best, he plays with his heart.

He plays to win. He plays to have fun.

"Tezuka."

I look up to see Sensei standing there. Her arms crossed in front of her and a frown on her face. Not a frown of anger; maybe sympathy, sadness, understanding? I stand up, "Hai Sensei?"

"Everything okay?" She asks, her expression not changing.

_Iie. _"Hai, everything is fine."

Disbelief passes her face, but she just sighs and smacks her lips. She breaks eye contact with me to look down at the desk; as she picks up the paper the pen rolls down off it, hitting the desk with a clatter that sounded loud in the quiet room.

She looks over it, and then at me. I just stand there in front of her, never breaking eye contact with her.

"Tezuka, who do you think would be able to take his place?" I could feel my eye twitch at the question. We continue to stare each other, I can't answer. There is no way I can answer the question…but I did.

"No one." Slipped out of my mouth before I could stop.

She smiles a places the paper down. "No one?"

"Hn."

"You're right, no one can replace him. No one will."

I remain silent, but inside I was curious of what she meant. She sat down in the chair in front of the desk and I sat in the chair I occupied earlier. "We're keeping the team the same. Doubles, we'll worry about that as it comes, singles no problem. Everything will be fine, Tezuka, relax."

I finally break eye contact turning to look out the window that looked over the courts. I could see the Regulars coming together for morning practice, my eye twitched again as I watched Echizen lay down on the bench planning on going to sleep.

"Sensei?"

"Hm?"

"Is it…fair? Is it fair no to replace him? Not to give the other members a chance for a Regular spot?"

"Do you think anyone would take it?"

I remained silent, watching the group. Oishi and Fuji were talking to one another. Both of them looked terrible, even from far above them I could see the dark rings under their eyes and the lag in their steps.

I knew no one would take it. But I didn't answer.

"Well time for practice to start, should we be going?" She stood and I stood as well and we walked out the room, behind us was the roaster, Kikumaru Eiji still written on the list.

---------------------------------

**KAIDOH POV**

I couldn't help but to let out a hiss as practice was ended early…again. I hadn't even started to break a sweat, that's how short it was. Oishi-senpai looked terrible, bags under his eyes and he couldn't concentrate. Fuji-senpai didn't look any better, except his concentration was fine but his mood was dark. He easily snapped at anyway, not really snapped, but he would send us looks that would make you back away. So, we knew to let him be.

As I trailed behind my team mates to the locker room. I couldn't help but to notice the dark cloud that seemed to be hanging over us.

A dark cloud that's been hanging over us for weeks now.

I stopped walking and let them continue, this shouldn't be. We should be practicing until we collapsed. We're going to National and they are right around the corner. But, we can't and haven't been, not since Kikumaru-senpai got sick.

This mood, this dark cloud was never here when he was here. He'd always chase it away.

I have to admit, I'm very fond of my senpai. I respect them all, but with Kikumaru-senpai there is something about him.

I remember as a first year, I had gotten into a fight with some other kids and needless to say I was in trouble. I suspended from the club for a week because I had detention, but one day Kikumaru-senpai and I ran into each other when I was leaving after school detention and he played a match with me.

"_Nya! Karou-chan! Laugh don't yell! Hug don't fight!" He yelled as he walked away from the courts._

Can't say I listened to his advice, but he gave it to me when no one else did.

"Kikumaru-senpai, wouldn't want this." I said aloud, looking at the backs of the group. They stopped and turned to me. Either not hearing me or not understanding. "If he wasn't sick, he'd be here wanting to practice."

They were silent and just starred at me, I looked away off to the side. I hated attention like this.

"Ah! Mamushi is right! Nationals are around the corner and Eiji-senpai would want us to be getting in all the practice we can to bring home the gold!"

I just hissed as Momoshiro talked. I didn't need _him_ to back me up.

"They are right, guys." Taka-senpai spoke up, "What would Eiji think if he knew all we've cut short all our practices?"

"He'd feel guilty." I heard Oishi-senpai say.

I heard a sigh from Fuji-senpai, and I turned my attention to him. He wasn't glaring at me, but still giving my looks that made me shiver. "Saa," he started and paused, closing his eyes and smiling, "Oishi and you versus Taka-san and I?" He walked towards me passing me heading back to the courts.

Slowly everyone started to follow; I hissed and then let out a sigh of relief. As I looked up, I noticed Inui-senpai was still standing in front of me, a smirk on his face.

"Arigatou, Kaidoh. You've given me the chance to try my new Super Delux A-"

"Oishi-senpai!" I quickly turned running away from the older boy, "Matte!"

---------------------------------------------------

**INUI POV**

"You should've saw Tezuka's face, though. It was like he was thinking_; they listen to Kaidoh but not me_."

I couldn't help but to smirk as Kikumaru laughed loudly when Ryuzaki-Sensei finished the story about morning practice. He looked at our captain, "Nya, were you thinking that?"

Tezuka said nothing for a long moment and just stood there his arms crossed; "Hn." He finally grunted out.

"You just didn't say it right, you have to communicate. _Communicate_." Kikumaru said, stretching out the last word. Again, Tezuka said nothing; he just stood there and stared at him. "Great, nya! That's a start!" he said sarcastically.

I shook my head chuckling the others started laughing. I could've sworn I saw Tezuka smirk, but it was either quick or I was seeing things. "Hm," I opened my notebook and started to write new information of the boy I've known for almost 3 years.

Fuji was sitting on the edge of the bed, "How was your chemo today?" He asked. Kikumaru shrugged fiddling with the hospital bracelet on his arm.

"The same. I haven't gotten sick today. Kaa-chan and Tou-chan brought me lunch and I could hold it down! Nya, Fujiko it was so good!" He smiled at Fuji but his eyes had a small glimpse of sadness behind them.

The same sadness that flashed in his blue eyes when we first came in, when we started talking about tennis.

"_What would Eiji think if he knew all we've cut short all our practices?"_

He'd be upset of course, knowing that Nationals aren't far away. Then, he'd start thinking; he isn't going to be able to take part in it. He is missing out on so much with the team.

As everyone chatter with Kikumaru I just stood amongst them, looking at their faces checking on their emotions trying to gather new data.

While I was trying to get information of everyone I couldn't get off from Kikumaru.

If you would hold up a picture of how he was a month ago you probably wouldn't believe it was the same person.

Only way to know would be to look in his eyes. His skin was pale, his hair gone, he lost weight. By my calculations he has lost approximately 10kg. But his eyes, though he was tired, they were full of life as if to say:

I can fight this.

_You will fight this, Kikumaru. 100 percent._

His eyes caught my eyes and gave me a large smile; I just shook my head smiling back at him.

"Mou, Oishi…I'm just wondering, nya. Ano, why didn't you ever tell me you love Barbie?"

Yep, this is Kikumaru Eiji, a little different very tired but still the same.

--------------

**EIJI'S POV**

My friends make me happy; I don't know what I would do without them or without their support.

I might now have done anything; I might just have laid in bed waiting to die. I wouldn't be fighting, I wouldn't be trying.

Ryuzaki-sensei came over to me, taking my hand in hers. She smiled down at me and I returned it, "I can't wait to have you back on my team." She said, I just squeezed her hand not saying anything.

We all know I won't be returning before graduation. I'll never have her as a coach again. But, it's nice to hear that she cares.

He bends down and hugs me, "I have to get going." She said, she stands and leaves the room saying her bye's to everyone. Slowly they leave, Taka-san, Momo, Inui, Tezuka, and Kiadoh- Ochibi-chan stays for awhile but then he leaves too.

Oishi and Fuji are with me now, talking to me about different things. But, it's hard to pay attention; it took everything I had to stay awake and energetic when the others were here. Took a lot out of me to keep a smile on my face and to keep laughing.

With Oishi's voice talking about his sister and Fuji's hands running over my face I slowly drifted into sleep.

_What would I do without you guys…_

"Eiji…what would we do without you?"

**NEXT DAY**

--------

**Eiji's POV**

Have you ever gone to an amusement park, spent hours trying to build up the courage to get on the biggest roller coaster there? And then, you're finally on it; buckled in- you are all pumped and ready, then you feel the coaster jerk as it begins to move. Your smile falls, and the only thing on your mind is: _Get me off this thing._

When I first found out I was sick I was ready to fight this I had the energy. Now, I'm just tired, I want all of this to end one way or another.

It's only been over a month. I'm so tired, tired of the treatments, the tears, the tests. I should be a 171 cm tall radiation stick. Sometimes I'd imagine when its night time and the lights go out, my body starts to radiate a green light.

_Afraid of the dark? Pick up a Glow in the dark Eiji! Coming to the store near you._

_Doesn't include IV pole or hair. _

But, I can't give up. I have so many people behind me supporting me.

I can't give up.

"You're right."

My eyes snap open and I find myself staring into a pair of blue eyes. Fuji? No, they are too wide. The person pulls away from my face and I smile, "Sasami."

She is standing beside my bed, holding her stuffed bear and a beautiful porcelain doll. Creamy skin, red curly hair with freckles to match. "Ohayo, Eiji!" She grins at me, she looks so tired, but her eyes are twinkling. "Want to go to the game room with me?"

"Sure." I sit up in my bed, throwing my legs over the side. "What time is it?"

"Nearly two in the afternoon." She replies as I stand up, through my socked feet I could feel the cool tile. As we left my room, I looked down at her; she was wearing an orange head scarf that matched the shorts I was wearing. She looked up at me catching my eyes, and gave me a big smile and I smiled back.

She was so tiny; it was still hard to believe she was really 11 years old. Even Ochibi-chan would tower over her.

"Sasami?" I stopped walking when I noticed she was lagging behind.

"I'm okay."

"Are you sure you want to go to the Game Room?"

She nodded, not saying anything. I knew how she felt she probably has been in her room for days on end. Unable to do anything fun, just sitting there watching TV and sleeping; only coming out for either treatment or by the Nurses to have her walk around

I reached my hand out to take hers. "I'll help you."

My smile grew when I saw her pale skin turn red as she blushed. "Arigatou." She mumbled taking my hand with her empty one.

It took us forever and a day to reach the elevator. By the time we did we were both panting and sweating, "Kuso…" She panted, "did we just run across Japan?"

I laughed, leaning against the wall of the elevator, shutting my eyes. "Feels…like it."

Chemo takes a lot out of you. Takes your energy, your appetite, your hair. It takes away your life, while trying to keep you living.

We had just about caught our breaths when the doors dinged and the elevator door opened when we reached the 6th floor. We both cursed, glaring at the hall way before us.

She started mumbling making her way out the elevator I followed her. Thankfully the game room wasn't too far down the hall, but it was still too far. I collapsed into the first seat I saw, and she did the same beside me.

"What do you want to play?" She asked after a couple minutes.

I looked around the room; toys were scattered everywhere. There was a glass wall in front of me, making visible the play area. Inside was a type of jungle gym. Plastic, and cushioned. A colorful ball pool visible. Blue, red, green, yellow.

To my left was a door and I could hear the electronic sounds of the video games in the arcade.

There was another room, it was very quiet in there; place for board games and reading.

I bit my lip, what I really wanted to play was tennis. I knew outside there were courts, but I didn't have any energy for that.

"Nya, no idea." Was my reply instead.

"Sasami!" I turned my head to see some other kids coming towards us. One was a boy with bleach blonde hair and ice blue eyes. His skin was…white, it wasn't pale it was white.

"That's Carlos, he is albino." Sasami whispered to me, I starred at her. Albino? Never heard of it. "meaning he has no pigmentation."

"Nya…" Pigmentation? "He can't have bacon?"

Her eyes grew wide and she hit her forehead, "No color in his skin. He's 15, I think. His parents brought him here because where they live there is no true protection for him. Even with sun screen he gets burnt. So he has a big chance of getting skin cancer."

"Oh." Was my reply, what else could I say besides; _that sucks_.

"The girl with him is Madeline, she's 10 and she has a bad heart condition. Right now she's on a transplant list. Honestly I can't even believe she is up right now."

I didn't know what to say; as they came closer I smiled at them and stood up. Carlos stopped in front of me, he eyes narrow scanning me over. "Carlos Rodriguez." He said after he finished his scan and he stuck his hand out.

I took it giving it a shake, "Kikumaru Eiji…" I hesitated before continuing, not knowing if he spoke Japanese.

He smirked at me, sticking his hand in his jeans. "Don't worry I'm fluent in French, Japanese, English and Spanish. If you start talking German or Chinese you'll loose me."

I couldn't help but to chuckle as he did. "Good, I speak some English but not too good." Well, my English was okay, my grand mother is American so I've learned through her and my mom.

"This is Madeline Badeau," Carlos put his arm around the girl beside him. He was quiet, hiding behind her long dark hair. She looked up at me and when she met my eyes she looked away; blushing.

Carlos started speaking her in French, I heard my name somewhere in the conversation and she looked at me again

**"**Nice pour vous rencontrer…" She trailed off her cheeks turning pink.

"She said, nice to meet you." Carlos translated for us. "She's really shy, it takes her awhile to warm up to people."

"Its alright," I knelt down to her, "Nice pour vous rencontrer, Madame." I took her tiny hand in mine, which was shaking, and kissed it. She smiled and blushed harder, covering her face with her other hand.

I stood up, to find Sasami staring at me. "You know French?"

I shook my head, "Nya, I repeated what she said and added _madame_. I heard it on a show before." I said with a wink, "Why don't we play a board game?"

"Sure we can play anything but poker, and you'll be fine." She said walking away her hands behind her head. "Carlos you should see this guy play poker! It's hilarious!"

I glared at her back, "Nyaaaaaa! It's not that bad Sasami-chan!"

"It's pretty bad if you have cards and you end up play tic tac toe. Somehow."

I heard Carlos whistle, "That's pretty bad, Eiji."

"It…I…" No excuse really. I don't even know how I started playing the game in the middle of a card game. Blame the medication? "It was the medication."

Good One.

"Liar, you weren't even medicated that day."

Damn.

----------------

**TBC**

**Notes: **

Well sorry if this chapter was confusing especially the first part with the dream. To make up for it I will post the actual next chapter really soon, I have it typed up and everything so look for it tomorrow!

Um, I really wanted to put Kaidoh in this chapter because I failed to really put him in any of the previous chapters.

Well, so? And? C'mon let me know! I needed to bring Sasami back, I drew a picture of her so I'm going to try and post it on my LJ…

I made this a couple days ago, this chapter was made before the last chapter. I'm rusty at my French I only took it for two years, so please excuse me if it is wrong. I live in Texas, not many French speaking people live here. Anyway I wanted to introduce more people who will come up in the future chapters.

Please review! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE

Review. Good or Bad.


	15. Chapter 13: Tell me

Another update! Well, I'm going to get all my wisdom teeth taken out tomorrow and I might be too medicated to update for a while. But, anyway I know I said this with the last chapter, but I think this one is a short chapter.

Warnings: OOC! Depressed Eiji.

Hm.

**Title:** This Nightmare

Chapter Thirteen.

Maybe I don't really want to know  
How your garden grows  
I just want to fly Lately did you ever feel the pain  
In the morning rain  
As it soaks it to the bone

Maybe I just want to fly  
I want to live I don't want to die  
Maybe I just want to breath  
Maybe I just don't believe  
Maybe you're the same as me  
We see things they'll never see  
You and I are gonna live forever

-Live Forever

Oasis

------------------------------------------------------------------

**Eiji's POV**

I turned over in my bed, holding a pillow tight to myself curling into it. My eyes burned for the tears I was trying to hold back, my chest hurt from the sobs I was trying to hold back.

Not even 3 minutes ago the guys had came and left. Telling me they were leaving to go to a Junior Selective Camp with some of the other schools a After the camp of few of them would be selected to team together and against another team from overseas.

"_We'll be gone for about a week…Eiji I can't go. I can't leave with you here."_ _Oishi said, his green eyes filled with worry._

_I forced a smile looking at both my friends, "Nya, you guys go! I would go if I could."_

"_Demo, Eiji what if…" Fuji started and then stopped, "we would feel better staying with you."_

"_And what about the team? They need you guys. I promise, anything should happen you'll be told."_

I wanted them to stay with me! I didn't want them to leave. Iie, I wanted to go! I want to be apart of it. I'm missing out on so much…

"It..it's not fair." I chocked out between sobs, I let out a big hard breath that hurt bad- like the bubble in my chest burst sending out hot needles.

_It's not fair._

I let the tears fall freely from my eyes.

_It's not fair._

"Eiji-kun?" I feel a hand touch my shoulder, but I don't move. I know who it is, my nurse. "It's okay Eiji-kun."

_It's not okay._

"You'll play again."

_How do you know?_

"Everything will be fine."

_It won't._

She continues to say things. The same old things that everyone has been saying since I've been sick. The same words that once reassured me, now fall to deaf ears, I don't believe them anymore.

How can I? Huh? Tell me, how can I believe those words when not even ONE thing has gone right? TELL ME!

"TELL ME HOW!" I scream sitting up in my bed, I know I scared her she quickly backed away her dark eyes wide. "How can I believe any of it?"

I sobbed harder, my chest was hurting so bad now inside and out. It felt like it was on fire, I didn't care though. "Tell me how."

She came to me, taking me into her arms, "Eiji-kun, I can't tell you how, demo…you're strong don't give up." I sobbed into her chest, and just clung to her. This woman I now see as another big sister, I know see as the only person who can keep me sane right now.

Don't give up.

It's just so hard not to.

------------------

Sometimes, it feels like my blood is on fire and someone is trying to stop the fire by stomping on my chest. My body is in agony and my chest is tight making it hard to breath.

I shut my eyes, taking a deep breath trying to relax, trying to focus on the song playing from the stereo.

_kurayami ni me wo hiraite_

_tesaguri no mama de_

_ima arukidasu nda_

It's been a day since my emotional break down and now I'm alone, one of the first times I've been alone during my treatments.

My dad had to go back to work, our insurance was having issues trying to pay on my treatment, plus he's been using most of his vacation time to be with me.

_This is going to be a long process; he'll need you in the future more. _Chiba-sensei said and had finally convinced him that it would be alright to go back to work.

_arifureta kotoba ja naku_

_sotto senaka wo oshite kureta ne_

Mom was currently taking care of things at home and I think she has a dance lesson to teach, bringing in a little extra money. I had found out that they were staying here at the hospital and had been since the beginning. After a long conversation, I finally got them to go home.

_There are families who really need those rooms, nya. Like, Maria and Pablo or Augusta, their families aren't a couple minutes away. _

I let out the breath I had been holding, it hurt.

_motomete mo ushinatte mo shou ga nai_

_deaeta kiseki uketomete..._

I clutched Diagoro tightly to myself, avoiding the IV catheter in my chest. My mom came to see me early this morning, it was so hard to get her to leave yesterday; it was even harder to get her to go this morning. When she left she kissed my forehead, and I just wanted to grab her and beg her not to leave me alone. But I didn't.

I wish I did.

_Ima Survivor_

_unmei wa "arugamama" ja nai_

_shinjirareru mono mitsuketa nara_

_aragau nda, tsukinuke nda! Sono mukou he... (Find out the way)_

_kizu mo itami mo sono mama ni aruite iku_

"Eiji?" My eyes flutter open when my name is called, I didn't hear the door open. I look out the corner of my eye to see Sasami there beside me. In her arms she was holding her favorite porcelain doll; it's beautiful, creamy skin with freckles, bright blue eyes and red curly hair.

"_My papa made it for me,"_ she started when I first saw it in her room a couple days after I met her, _"he made if of me, I use to be beautiful like this…head of hair, ya know." She bit her lip trying not to cry, "he left me and mama after I got sick, he's in England with his new family. I have a little brother now." She tried to smile, but it didn't reach her blue eyes. "But, when I'm better, he'll come back."_

_Obieteta surechigau hibi_

_dareka wo kizutsuke_

_uragitteku koto_

"Daijoubu ka, Eiji?"

"Daijoubu." I lied, I picked up the remote control that controlled the stereo. Pressing the off button.

"You don't look okay." She took my hand giving it a squeeze, I squeezed back giving her a smile.

"Just it hurts, right now."

"Did they up your dose? Change it or anything? Cause mine burned when they changed it."

"I don't think so, they might have because of my Osteosarcoma."

"I read your chart, you're normal white blood cell count is growing, and your abnormal count is declining."

I nodded, smiling more. "Yep, it's getting better."

"If 99 percent of the abnormal cells die, you'll be in remission and what are you at right now?"

"I'm at, well Burnett-sensei said I was at…" I paused; my eyes grew wide, and the pain I was feeling went dulled, "91 percent."

In the back of my mind I couldn't help but to think we shouldn't be having this conversation. She's eleven and I'm fourteen, we should be talking about school and friends, not all this medical junk.

"You're almost there, Eiji." She smiled at me squeezing my hand again, "You're almost there." She let go of my hand, resting her doll on her lap and she started moving her wheel chair back.

"Sasami." I called when she started to leave, she stopped and turned her head to me, "how does it feel when you're in remission."

She shrugged, "I've only been near it. But, I'm sure it's the best feeling in the world."

"Nya, you'll get there, we both will."

She just smiled at me and continued to wheel herself out of the room. Once she was gone, I picked the remote control back up and turned the stereo on again.

_Ima Believer_

_omoi demo "arugamama" de ii_

_ai subeki mono ni utaitai kara_

_soko ni aru nda, kokoro nanda! Todoku basho wa... (Show me the way)_

_ayamachi sae mo uketomete aruite iku_

I feel like I have been here forever, but it's only been over a month. So much has happened, to me and without me.

The Nationals were coming getting closer and they recently topped in the rankings. High school entrance exams were coming up right after. Fuji has been bringing my home work, he a Ryuzaki-sensei, come to tutor me so I don't fall behind.

If I reach remission or get closer to it I can go home and continue my therapy. The first phase will be over and I'd start my second phase of chemo for about eight months to kill cancer cells left behind…

_te wo nobasu sono saki ni_

_sagashiteta tatta hitotsu no kotae ga, kitto..._

Then, the maintenance process of the chemotherapy. It won't be as intense as the first two phases but its another phase just to make sure I'm okay, no telling how long that would last. Couple months or a couple years.

Well…that's all for the leukemia.

_This battle is going to be a tough one; we have more than one enemy. We have two, these two enemies have millions and billions of soldiers. But they aren't armed, we are._

I looked down at my leg, it was wrapped where they took samples from my leg; marrow, tissue, blood etc.

One of my enemies was winning the battle.

"_I have good news Eiji-kun, from the CT scan we found no signs of any 4steosarcoma tumors anywhere else on your body. The thing is, the tumors are all over your left leg and a very large one on your femur. Some are within the bone, between the muscles. We're waiting to see if the chemotherapy with shrink or get rid of some so we can try a limb salvage…but if not we only have one option. That's amputation."_

I've learned from my stay here, with good new there is bad news.

I brought my hand up to cover my face,

I could feel the familiar burn as tears started to make their appearance in my eyes. If I lost my leg…that would be it. My life would be over.

Iie…

_Stay positive._

_Hang in there._

_Mada Mada Dane._

I have so many people who are there for me. I can't give up on myself, because they aren't giving up on me.

I'm lucky.

_Ima Survivor_

_yume ja nai nda! "arugamama" ja nai_

_shinjirareru mono mitsuketa nda_

_sugu kie nda, me wo hanase na! sono shunkan wo... (Find out the way)_

_kizu mo itami mo sono mama ni aruite iku_

I will survive.

-------------

**2 Days Later**

I couldn't stop smiling! My cheeks hurt so bad from smiling but I couldn't stop! I wanted to jump up, I wanted to run up and down the halls screaming laughing. I wanted to hug every child, doctor and nurse.

I wanted to…I would have if my mom wasn't holding me so tightly in her arms laughing through her tears or crying through her laughter.

My dad currently had the doctor in his arms, spinning him around, laughing loudly.

I was going home. "Nyyyyyaaaaaaaaaaa!"

I'm not officially in remission, I'm still under the 99-100 percent line, but I'm well enough to go home.

I'm well enough to sleep in my own bed, see my family and friends without a time limit. I'm well enough to go to school!

Who would've thought I'd be excited about that?

-------

Hours later, I limped down the hall way, I was dressed in red basket ball shorts with a white tank top. Over a month ago I would've filled out the clothing at 52kg, lean muscles and healthy tan looking skin.

Now I was at 40kg, very pale arms and legs long and lanky, I wore the baseball cap I got from Ochibi, which completely hid my bald head. I stopped walking, leaning against the wall to catch my breath.

I glanced at the clock on the wall it was a half past four in the evening. "I have to catch her."

I knew the person I was searching for was going into isolation pretty soon. Yesterday I wasn't able to see her because of a fever she was running and they didn't want to risk of getting either one of us sick.

"Eiji-kun!" I turned to see his nurse running towards him, her long black hair had fallen out of it ponytail and floated behind her as she ran.

"Hotaru-san."

"Where are you going? Your family is waiting for you."

"Sa-Sasami, I have to catch her."

"Eiji-kun." She placed her hand on my shoulder, "She isn't here."

"Nani? Yesterday you guys said she is going into-"

My nurse shook her head cutting me off, "Her insurance stopped paying for her treatment. Her mother hasn't been seen or heard from in days. We contacted her father so, they are transferring her to England for immediate attention."

"Demo..I…I"

I didn't get to say good-bye. I didn't get to tell her thank you. I didn't get to…tell her how _it _feels.

How it feels to be going home.

"Come on, Eiji-kun." She put her arm around me and lead me back the way I had came. I couldn't believe it, no one told me. I was suppose to be happy, I'm going home today. But, my heart felt heavy, she was my only friend here.

I didn't even get to thank her.

"Eiji-kun…" We stopped in front of my room…well, former room. There were carts sitting outside in the hall my mother and father standing beside them. The carts were filled with the presents and different items I had gotten since my stay here.

On top of it was a porcelain doll with red curly hair and freckles on its pale skin. It sat there on the top beside my stuffed bear, its bright blue eyes looking directly at me.

"She wanted you to have it. When she was leaving she told me to give it to you."

I sniffed, holding back my tears I went up to the cart, touching the doll. Its soft red locks, the purple and white laced dress it wore. I touched its legs, the dimple at the knee, its white laced socks and the black leather shoes.

"_I'll be this little girl again, Eiji." _

Sasami-chan, I know you will.

-------------

: sniffles : I was going to kill her but I couldn't I started crying when I was typing it. I couldn't do that yet, I wish I would've put her in the story more, I tried to squeeze her more into this chapter, she was suppose to be a pretty major character in this fic. But, she'll be here later…

Yeah, I didn't want to make her into a Mary Sue or anything. I'd shoot myself.

YAY! Finally Eiji is going home! Did it seem rushed to you guys? I hope not, it did a little bit but Eiji can't be in the hospital forever! My idea's were getting a tad dry and repetitive. But, this fic is looonnng from over, maybe.

More chapters to come!

The song I use is Just a Survivor, I love it! Its one of my favorites from any anime.

Oh yeah, it the OT from the anime Sukisho! Here is the English translation.

Opening my eyes in the darkness

I now start walking

Groping my way along

Without trite words

You silently pushed my back, didn't you?

Though I search and lose, there's nothing I can do

Accept the miracle that we met...

Now I'm a survivor

Fate doesn't stay as it is

If I've found something to believe in

I'll fight, break through obstacles! To that other side... (Find out the way)

Even with my wounds and pain, I'll go on walking

On days when I misunderstood people, I was terrified

That I might hurt

Or betray someone

You told me there was a warmth

That couldn't be felt alone, didn't you?

If we can share

The sadness and happiness that passed us by...

Now I'm a believer

Even my memories are fine as they are

Because I want to sing to the person I love

It's over there, the place that my heart is delivered to

Accepting even my mistakes, I walk on

I reach out my hand to that future

The one single answer that I was searching for will, surely...

Now I'm a survivor

It's not a dream! It won't stay as it is

I've found something to believe in

Don't take your eyes off it, it'll disappear immediately! In that moment... (Find out the way)

Even with my wounds and pain, I go on walking


	16. Chapter 14: Where You Belong

I'M MEDICATED I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I AM DOING!

Grandpartnets

**Kimitzu Rebecca** – 62, Kikumaru Kakyuu (Eiji's mother) mom. She is American, your normal house wife. She is one who is always concerned about her looks, and hated admitting her true age. But she loves being a mother and grand mother.

**Kikumaru Matsumi**- 66, Motoki (Eiji's dad) mother. Her personality is similar to Eiji's- a genki older woman. She's deeply religious but even so she is a fun person and doesn't mind loosening her religious belt to have fun.

**Kimitzu Fuyuki**- 69 Japanese born and raised, during his college years he lived in America, Chicago, where he met his wife and mother of his children.

**Kikumaru Hiroshi**- 70, man who spends his time with his family since retiring. A strict man who has a soft spot for his grand children.

Recap on others:

Parents:

**Kikumaru Motoki**, 48 years old Eiji's father Manager for one of the top and most expensive Hotels in Tokyo. Though he gets paid good money, it is still hard supporting 5 kids a wife and his two parents who live with them. He loves his family, and feels he is the luckiest man in the world because of them. A undercover musician, when he was younger he wanted to become a famous rock star with his younger brothers but it all changed when he met Lynn Kakyuu, a half American Half Japanese dancer.

**Kikumaru Kakyuu**, 44 years old, her mother is American while her father is Japanese. Eiji's mother and former dancer A beautiful lady, with cat-like grace and a heart of gold. When Eiji was born she nearly lost her life due to complications for that reason she believes Eiji is her miracle child. stay at home mom and dance teacher on the side when she has the time.

Siblings

**Kikumaru Mamoru**, 22. Eldest child, recently moved back home with the family after breaking up with his fiancé. 3rd year University student, musician. Works as a DJ at a local club. Loves his little brother and all his siblings with all his heart, has a tattoo of Eiji's name on his chest. very obsessive person with OCD of cleanness.

**Kikumaru Emiko-** oldest girl, 19. Part-time, 1st year University student. Major in child care. Dreams to be a grade school teacher. Mainly works at home, helping her mom take care of the family. She is the mother-like sister.

**Kikumaru Hayata-** The middle Kikumaru boy 17. Shares a room with Eiji. 3rd year student a Seigaku High. Plays QB (Quarter Back/Captain) in the American Football Club. Secretly loves 'The Chocolates' as much as his little brother.

**Kikumaru Haruka-** youngest girl, 17 Hayata's twin sister. Shares in her two brothers love of sports. Plays volleyball also at Seigaku High

Warnings: I'm medicated, yo.

Title: This Nightmare

I've got your heart in me.  
I've got your heart in me.  
Don't let the sun go down with you so far from home.  
I've been here all this time.  
I've been here waiting all along.  
Don't waste another hour  
Come home where you belong.  
Don't let time slip away.  
Regrets are made this way.

**POV 3RD PARTY**

-------------

Humming a soft tune together, two older women kneeled in a garden behind a large house. Both were in their golden years but looked no where near their true ages. One woman had long beautiful dark red hair that was braided down her back and the other woman had dark hair that looked near blue which was tied up tightly into a bun.

Smiles finally adorned their faces, after having frowns on their faces for over a month.

"Obaa-san!"

They stopped and turned towards the sound of the voice. Behind them was their youngest granddaughter, with three young girls standing on each side of her.

"Who do we have here Haruka?" The one with the dark hair spoke up, her bright blue eyes shinning.

"Obaa-san, these are Eiji-chan's kouhai. They've came to help us today." Haruka smiled at her grandmothers, pushing the girls towards the older women, one with braided long pigtails, one with short strawberry blonde red hair, and the other with shorter hair also in pigtails.

"Sugoi, come here little ones." The red headed woman reached out her hand, "I'm Kikumaru Matsumi."

"Kimitzu Rebecca." Said the dark haired woman, smiling at the three girls.

"Osakada Tomoka ." The girl with the shorter pigtailed stepped forward

"Tachibana Ann ." She smiled at the women, shaking their hands "Nice to meet you." She said with a quick bow.

"Ryuzaki Sakuno. " She blushed, bowing to the women.

"Kawaii! Ne, Becca?" Matsumi squealed turning to her daughter in laws mother.

"Mou, I use to be cute like that." She mumbled bringing a gloved hand to rub her chin, "Matte, I still am!" She laughed, turning back to the garden.

"Oi, Obaa-san!" Haruka shook her head, "I'm going back in to help Emiko with lunch." With that she turned on her heels and truanted into the large house.

"Come over here, chibi-chans. We won't bite."

The three girls went over to the two women kneeling beside them, "What are you doing?"

"We are," Himiko, moved a piece of stray dark hair from her face, and reached forward into the bush in front of her, "plucking berries." She turned to the girls, "care to join us?"

"You already have so many." Ann whistled at the multiple baskets beside the women.

"Our Eiji-chan loves his berries. Mainly blue berries and strawberries." Rebecca said, pointing to the two types of berries, in front of her "When he was little, he would to visit us at our house in America, we have a large garden in the back- one day, he disappeared. We couldn't find him anywhere. His mom was already on the phone with the police, when my husband found him in one of the bushes asleep…his face covered with blue berries."

The girls giggled at the story, trying to picture a younger version of their senpai like that.

"Since he loves them so much we're making cakes, muffins, dumplings, pies and tarts, for him and everyone." Mutisumi, turned around reaching into the bushes in front of her, plucking the ripe plump fruits.

----------

"Oi! Baka! Watch where you are going!" Momoshiro glared at his rival Kaidoh, who was glaring back and hissing.

"Fshuu!" He hissed, "You're the one standing in everyone's way!"

"Nani? You're doing nothing but carrying pillows around! I just finished-"

"Oi! Momo! Kaidoh! We're in their home let's respect it!" Taka-san said, getting in between the two.

The two shut their mouths but didn't stop glaring at each other.

Mamoru, who was currently tied up in the corner of the room, tried to get their attention; but everything he was saying was muffled by the tape over his mouth. All day since they started moving Eiji's things into the former guest room down stairs, he had been barking orders and rearranging things that had already been settled.

Needless to say, his brother Hayata and a couple others had gotten annoyed and decided to take matters into their own hands to calm him down.

His muffled cries were silence and he stopped moving as a figure stood over him, slowly he looked up to find himself looking one of his brothers', Hayata, accomplis- Fuji Shusuke.

The young boy stood there, dressed in the white blouse and black pants that's matched his team mates. The group was at the airport saying bye to the Americans when he had gotten the call about Eiji.

With his arms crossed at his chest he stared down at the older man and.

"Mamoru-san," He smirked down at him, "have you settled down?" The reply he received was just muffled words and grunts. "Saa, that doesn't answer my question. I'll be back later."

"Kuso," Hayata cursed when Fuji came over to him, shutting the box he was looking at. "My little brother has nothing interesting. No porn! No naked ladies…heck, not even men…sometimes I wonder…" He trailed off mumbling for a second "Just Tennis magazines, magazines featuring The Chocolates-"

"Which have disappeared," Fuji said picking up a box from the desk and putting it on the ground, "mysteriously."

"Ano." Hayata stood up from the floor, "I noticed that! Someone has taken my precious little brothers magazines!"

"-and CDs, I also think he had a few more posters." Fuji added his back to the older boy.

Hayata glared at the boys back before continuing, "and other things!" He slowly turned looking at all the boys in the large room, who were looking at him.

"Was it you?" He pointed to Tezuka who was, with Oishi, putting a computer desk together. He raised a fine eye brow before turning back to his work.

"Fine, maybe not. You sneaky snake."

Tezuka coughed with what Hayata said to him, _sneaky snake_? But he didn't turn around.

"Maybe it was-"

"I believe- 100 percent- it was you, Hayata-san who took The Chocolate merchandise." Inui stated, pushing his glasses up his nose.

"Nani! Me? I would never! I hate that group."

"…that's why your twitched when you just said that?" Oishi remarked.

"Traitor and to think you were my favorite." He mumbled crossing his arms. Laughter filled the room, the tension that once filled the house and the atmosphere around the group had vanished.

Moods were lighter and excitement was present.

Today, their brother and their friend is coming home. After almost two months of fear and endless worry.

Eiji is coming home.

Taka-san unzipped the large bag that contained brand-new sheets and comforters. "The blue and white set, ne?" He asked the brothers in the room. Mamoru was nodding frantically trying to direct the boy, who just stared back at him. Face blank.

"I'll help you Taka-san." Fuji went over to his friend, pulling the set from the bag.

"Arigatou, Fuji." As they began to make the queensize bed, Taka-san let his eyes roam around the room. The walls had been painted a light blue with white trim, the cabinets and dressers where oak that looked beautiful in the room. "I wish my room looked like this."

He commented after awhile.

"Me too," Fuji chuckled, "I hope he likes it."

"I'm sure he'll love it." Hayata said, and started putting up posters in his brothers room.

"I see you found the missing items, Hayata-san." Inui commented, putting trophies and metals on a shelf to the side.

Hayata remained silent but turned to glare at the younger boy.

---------

A soft grin adorned Kikumaru Emiko's face as she finished the fresh pitcher of lemonade. Her sister beside her was busy making the sandwiches and other snacks for their family and friends.

She continued to smile through the crashes and bangs coming from the room, which would had normally sent her into a full panic.

"Onee-san?" She turned her attention to her sister who called her name. Haruka stood behind her a large party tray filled with various types of triangle shaped sandwiches. "Are these enough?"

"More than enough. But, good we have a room filled with men-"

CRASH!

"I'm okay! Just went on a trip…literally!" A voice called from somewhere in the large house.

"or…gorillas." She corrected, staring through the opening of the kitchen. Starting to worry if the other side of the house was still intact.

Behind her she heard her sister laugh, "Should I call them to take a break?"

"Please! Okaa-san is going to kill me if the wall has been made into Swiss cheese or torn down."

The younger girl, took the tray of food into the dining room, her older sister following her with two pitchers of lemonade and fruit punch. She looked at the clock and smiled; in just a couple of hours her brother would be home.

"Oi! Apes, lunch is ready!" Haruka called from the dining room doorway.

Emiko stared at her sister's back and then turned away going back to the kitchen to grab some other things. While pouring a bag of chips into the a large bowl, the back door opened and in came her grandmothers with the 3 girls.

"Girls, go ahead and eat lunch. We're going to start on the pastries." Matsumi smiled at the girls, putting the baskets down on the tables.

"Hai! Obaa-san!" Ann said, grabbing the other two dragging them into the bedroom.

"They are so kawaii!" Rebecca squealed pulling things from the cabinets.

"I know I am." Matsumi said, with a smirk washing the fruits in the sink.

---------------------

I was still at the hospital and it has been over a hour since my things were packed in our car. I laid in the bed of the now bare room, switching through the channels on the television.

Spanish. French. English. German. And…other ones. Different channels, different languages.

I sigh, turning over on my side shutting my eyes. I'm ready to go! I have no idea what my parents were doing but it was delaying the time I get to go home.

I groan sitting up, tossing my feet over the side of the bed, shutting the television off. I leave the room, almost running into my doctor. "You ready?" He asks, putting his hand on my shoulder.

Finally! I almost break my neck nodding, and he laughs. "Sorry it took so long, just giving your parents a break down about everything."

Behind him I look at my mom and dad, they are smiling from ear to ear, papers in both their arms.

_About me, no doubt, and how to take care of me. _

I turned to leave, only to find Hotaru-san standing there with a wheel-chair, "I know you hate these things, but its hospital policy."

I sighed, but I sat in the chair with no argument. We couldn't go even 2 feet without being stopped by various, kids, nurses and doctors wanting to hug me and stuff.

My dad teased me every time I received a kiss from a nurse, leaving behind their red or pink lipstick on my pale face. I didn't make any comment I just rolled my eyes.

"I can't believe he is leaving here without a girlfriend!"

"TOU-CHAN!" I turned in the chair to glare at him, he just snickered at me.

I turned back in my seat only to find Carlos and Madeline standing in front of me.

Carlos came over to me after a short staring contest he started talking, "It was good knowing you." He said sticking out his hand. I took it, smiling up at the pale boy. "Take care."

"You too." I let go of his hand and then to my surprise Madeline stepped in front of him, giving me a hug. "I…will…miss…you." She said slowly and quietly, in Japanese. I hugged her tiny frame back.

We pulled away, and my nurse continued on our destination down the hall.

I was finally leaving.

--------------------

I watched the hospital grow small in the distance as my dad drove us home. I couldn't help to to feel a little sad as many thoughts went through my head.

Little Madeline, he life was hanging on a thin strand, any day her heart could fail her. What if I never saw her again?

What if I end up back there later that day? What if something happens to me and I have to go back? I know, I still have to go there for treatments and everything. What if I'm readmitted though?

Carlos, his parents could come get him soon. I'd never see him again. Like, Sasami, I never got to say good-bye to her.

I leaned my head against the cool glass of the car window, I felt tired, like always. In my lap I held her doll, I let my eyes slowly close to take a small nap on the ride him.

_It feels great to go home, Sasami. Demo…_

_Demo…_

------------

"They are here!" Mamoru's voice boomed throughout the house. He was standing in the doorway, small pieces of tape still stuck to his clothing from his escape.

Quickly, the pies cooling on the counter were neglected and the cakes behind frosted were abandoned by the older women as they rushed to where their oldest grandson was.

Oishi, quickly put the last poster up on the wall and Fuji who was next to him placed the last golden trophy of the shelf along with the other trophies and metals when genki tennis player had received over the years.

The other members quickly finished what they were doing, completing the room.

The new queen sized bed was made, the blue and white comforters straightened. The last books were placed on the shelves; the clothes were placed in the closet and dressers.

Everyone quickly gathered outside; grandparents, siblings and friends and they eagerly watched as the car pulled up in the driveway of the house. Before it could even make a complete stop the back door shot open and out stumbled the pale and skinny boy they had been waiting for.

His father got out the car trying to make it to him, but the boy was already to the group his arms thrown around anyone he could reach.

"Welcome home." His grandfather whispered in the young boys ear, who was currently sobbing on his. "Welcome home."

-----------

**Kikumaru Hiroshi POV**

My grandchildren all mean so much to me, after retirement my wife and I came to live with my son and daughter in law. At first, I felt terrible about it, though it's nothing rare here in Japan- but I had been independent for so long. Taking care of me and mines.

I felt old and useless. But then, my grandchildren came along, new and curious about everything. I got to teach them things, things my son is too old to learn or he already knows.

I held them and helped to raise them. I got to see them grow from tiny infants unable to protect themselves to young adults not just protecting themselves but each other and those they love.

Eiji, my little grandson, when he got sick I thought someone had just came and punched me in my stomach.

Now, he's finally home after so long of being away he is back where he belongs. I can't help but to watch him, as he chats with his friends over dinner. He is so thin and looks so weak, every time he tries to pick up a sushi roll is falls from his hands because of his shaking.

But he blames the roll, makes us laugh and continues to eat, or try to. He's so tried, but he's refused to retire to his bed every time we ask him.

He's strong or stubborn.

He's a Kikumaru.

"Why do you have a doll with you?" His other grandfather asked, asking a question I'm sure all of us were wondering about.

He looked at us and than down to the red headed doll. "It was a friend of mines." He said touching the dolls hair, "Nya, I want to take care of it." That was all he said, all he needed to say. I didn't want to see the sadness in his eyes grow.

"Well," I stood up. "Why don't we get to those pastries. My hand is still bruised from your grandmother hitting me."

"Your own fault, dear. He managed to sneak one muffin when my back was turned but trust me he got no more." She smirked dangerously when made me gulp.

"Are they blueberry?" Eiji's eyes grew and I could see his mouth begin to water. "Onegai! Say they are blueberry!"

"They are blue berry."

"YAY!" His one of his hands shot up as he cheered, and my smile grew.

This is where he belonges, home, with a smile on his face.

--------------

**TBC**

I hope this chapter was okay, again I am medicated and I will be for a while. I will revise this hopefully by Monday and the revision and another chapter will be posted.

I'm also going out of town tonight, so much fun. Oh well I won't be aware during any of it.

Let me know if you have any suggestions for this chapter and others in the future. Please review.


	17. Chapter 15: Two Steps Back

**Authors Notes:**

Hey guys! Well, I just finished crying like a mother. The last of my babies started their Senior year in High school!

No, I'm not a mother, just a college student who keeps in touch with everyone she knew in school. You see the only people left in school are the Sophomores that started the year I was a Senior and now THEY are the seniors: sniffles :

Anyway, I haven't done the revision for the last chapter just yet, but I'll see about getting to it on Wednesday.

I didn't get many reviews on the last chapter. SAD! LOL, but that's alright people still read it. But, I'm hoping this one is good.

**Warnings**: quick POV changes. Sorry, but it's hard to stick to one person when there are so many people. A little Horio bashing but not BASHING like…anti Horio…just alittle humor at his expense. I love the little bright shirt uni-brow boy.

This Nightmare

Chapter Fifteen: Two Steps Back

Falling away, taking a fall  
I can't even find no peace at all  
Will we ever change no taking it back  
One step forward two steps back in a two step

-Salvia

Two Steps back

--------------------------------

_I'm home now but it feels really weird and different. You know? I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm happy to be home and with my family, it's so much better than that hospital. At home, I can go to sleep and wake up without some stranger standing over me, poking me and stuff._

_Nya, I dunno. Just, everything is different. My family is treating me differently like I'm made of glass or something, my friends are also. Heck, even my room is different. I mean, I don't want to sound un grateful or anything. I love it, I really do. But, it's too much. _

_I don't know how to explain how I'm feeling about anything right now. Everything is so mixed up and messed up._

"Eiji-chan?" I open my eyes as I hear my name being called and turn my attention to my bed room door. My mom is standing there a tray in her hands. "You hungry, sweetie?"

I make a face, putting my head back down on the pillow. Just at the thought of eating made my stomach turn. I shut my eyes, forgetting to give her a verbal answer. I hear her sigh and approach my bed.

"You have to eat. You haven't had anything all day."

I moved my head from one side to the other, finding myself too tired to even open my mouth. Chemotherapy still takes a lot out of me.

I'm still a prisoner in bed it seems.

"I have something light. Just chicken broth and some crackers." I open my eyes and turn my head, she's sitting on the edge of the bed, the tray in her lap. She removes the covering from one dish and I watch as the steam rises from the bowl. "Can you sit up?"

I sighed and began to prop myself up, as I do she stirs the contents in the bowl and slowly the smell from the broth reaches my nose. I groan clutching, "Kaa-chan…" is all I'm able to get out, before I roll to the other side of the bed and began to dry heave in a conveniently placed trashcan.

It hurts to bad! I can't even explain the pain that comes from dry heaving. I feel her hands on me, on my back on my forehead trying to soothe me and clam me.

Finally after eternity, the heaving stops, I spit into the trashcan and with help from my mom I settle back in bed. The tray is gone, far away on a desk in my room, and she's laying next to me, her cool hair rubbing my forehead.

"It's okay, sweetie." She coos quietly, I look at her; her head is against the headboard of the bed and her eyes are shut. She looks terrible. My mom, has always been beautiful and has always taken care of her self…but now…

_Kami-sama_…her dark red hair, which is always done into some hairstyle, is just dull and tied back in a loose ponytail, no make up adorned her face- not even any lip gloss. Her eyes had dark bags under them and I could see signs of winkles and her clothes…jeans and a shirt, most likely dads.

My mom is a woman who wears designer clothes, only the top of the line things for her and her family. That's how she was raised and how she would always be…

Or I thought.

This woman, didn't look like my mother.

This woman didn't look like Kakyuu Lynn-Kimitzu, the woman who once danced across America including Broadway in New York. She danced across Japan and into my dads heart to become Kakyuu Kikumaru. This woman isn't the woman who risked her life to have me and as I grew up loved me- and because of her I'm as flexible as I am.

Cause dad…no, he can't even touch his toes…with a stick…a really long _toe touching_ stick…

But, I can't believe this is my mom but it is.

_She's like this because of me._

I sigh and she jumps up, her eyes wide open –"You okay?"

I nod, "I'll try some of the soup now." I mumble, as the words come out of my mouth my stomach flips and turns.

This isn't going to end pretty.

------

**Kakyuu POV**

I quickly sit up in bed, my heart is pounding and my breath is short. I turn around, shaking my husband who brushes away my hands.

"Not now!" He whines, and for a second I pause. _That's my line…_I eject that from my mind and I resume shaking him.

"Motoki!"

He grumbles and sits up, "What is it?" He rubs his eyes, and I'm quiet, not answering him. I just listen.

"What-"

"Shhh!" I know I heard something. "Did you hear it? Do you think it's Eiji?" My heart is pounding, and I want to get up to check on my son. But, I can't move my body is frozen.

"I didn't hear…" his voice trails off and I know he heard it this time. He jumps out of bed and for a couple seconds I still can't move. Fear.

"My baby." I finally get up, leaving the room, almost bumping into my husband on the w-ay down the stairs, my body freezes again. He noise is louder; coughing, gagging and sobbing. My baby…

We find him on the floor of the living room, on all fours spit and other liquids falling from his mouth. His eyes are large and tears are falling from them, I run to him not caring about keeling in his vomit, I gather him in my arms.

He's shaking terribly, and sweating. My heart is beating so fast, the fear is at its maximum, but I try to keep it under control. The lights in the room cut on, and there are other bodies around me. But my attention is all on my youngest son.

"We were able to reach Chiba-sensei, she is on her way…"

I think it's Mamoru talking to me, but I'm focused on Eiji. He stopped gagging and now he's just shivering in my arms, his eyes shut tightly as his teeth chatter together. I hold him close to me…wanting to take away all his pain and sickness.

Take it into me…it shouldn't be him.

I know I can't absorb anything magically, I can't make him any better with just a touch, I do the only thing I can do; I sing.

-----

**Motoki POV**

It's always one step forward and two steps back. Right now, we're just crashing. There is no step and pause. Just step…fall.

Eiji was placed back in the hospital, just over night for observation. But, it scared us all…thinking about the drive daily to the hospital, the worries of leaving him at the end of the day…the packing to stay over night knowing you're forgetting something.

I'm standing over my son in his bed at home, he's asleep. I was finally able to pull my wife away and get her to sleep with the help of a mild sedative.

_She will be pissed at me when she wakes up._

I bit my lip as I look down at him. This boy, my son…he scares me so much. I'm afraid I'm going to loose him.

Like the day he was born, the uncertainty that he'll live through the night and those nights you stay up staring into the darkness saying goodbye in your head, if he did just pass away. Waiting for that call to tell you the bad news.

Or, standing over him, touching his face to make sure it's warm. Watching him to make sure he's breathing. Being afraid to go to sleep at night, for the fear of waking up in the morning…and he's gone.

_No parents should see their child die._

_No parent should have to burry their child._

I grasp my stomach as it turns at my thoughts. I shouldn't be thinking like this…

_But it's hard not to…knowing…_

I stare at my youngest son, looking over him; He looks so different, pale, thin and hairless. He looks younger, a lot younger because he is so tiny now, but his face looks older. Looks so tired.

I bend over pulling the comforter up to his shoulders. He stirs some and turns over, the IV catheter line peaking up through his shirt. I suck in a deep breath…holding back my tears and emotions.

I move my hand over his face and his eyes flutter open, he tries to smile at me and almost manages to give me a good smile before he lets it fall. "Stay." He says, his voice barely above a whisper.

I get into bed with him and I gather his tiny form into my arms, his head against my chest. I kiss the top of his bald head and he snuggles into me.

"I'll always stay, Eiji." I whisper, I doubt he hears me, his even breathing tells me he's fallen asleep. "I'm never leaving you."

_Just don't leave me._

--------------

**Hayata POV**

It's been a couple days since the scare and Eiji is feeling a lot better. He's up and walking around on his own again. Though afterwards he's breathing as if he ran a marathon.

Though he is, a marathon of life. A marathon of _fighting_ for his life.

"Nii-chan." My head snaps up and I tilt it back to find my little brother standing over me, smile on his face.

"Oi." I reach up, putting my hand on the back of his bald head.

"What are you doing?" He asks as I let him go, he comes over to my side and picks up my note book. I blink a couple times and I let out a quick smile, my little brother is slowly coming back.

I snatch the notebook from his hands, "Oi! Chibi!" I growl at him.

"Nyaaaaaa! Oh…is it your journal? I wanna seee! Anything more about that girl Yukio?"

I cough and my ears start to burn. "H-how did you know about her!" I turn to him and he smiles innocently at me. I have told no one about my secret crush, or well, I thought it was a secret. The only way he would know is if he read my…

"Oh..don't mind Nii-chan."

"Don't mind, huh?"

"Do you hear Kaa-chan? I think she's calling me."

He starts to make his escape, slowly but to him it was the quickest he could go.

As I watch him leave, I can't help but to smile. Today is a good day, a really good day. Eiji smiled, he…laughed…he

I cover my face with one of my hands, tears were burning my eyes. But, why am I crying? Just because of everything…all the thoughts running through my mind and the emotions running through my body.

Today is a good day…what about tomorrow?

What about tomorrow?

_Live right now, don't worry about the future. Live by the second._

Taking a deep breath I call after my brother "O-oi! Chibi!" I run after him to question him on his knowledge of Yukio.

_Live for now._

_Live for hope._

-------------------

**Haruka's POV**

I glare at Eiji and he stares back at me, his eyes wide. We've been like this for maybe a couple minutes now.

"So, it drunk itself?" I shake the can in my hands, "How is that possible?"

"Ano…um, you know I think it was on the news that Soda's create their own black hole." He crosses his arms and nods, obviously proud of his excuse.

I shake my head, "Impossible."

"Mou, anything is possible Nee-san." He points out, shaking his finger at me. "Never say never."

"I didn't say never."

"Oh."

"Anyway, did you drink my Ramune Soda?"

"Hai…"

"Eiji! It was my last one."

"It was nasty, nya."

"Eiji!"

"It was…I could barely drink it."

"Then why did you?"

"I was thirsty and it was there. So, it just happened."

"Eiji…"

"Haruka…"

"You're medicated aren't you?"

"Hai!"

I sigh, shaking my head again. "I'm going to run to the machine down the street."

"Get me a Soda."

"What type?"

"Ramune…Strawberry."

"Eiji…! You just said you didn't like it."

"Oh…" He sits back on the couch, picking up the remote control. I continue to stare at him, waiting for him to tell me what he wants.

"Koneko-chan…" I trail off, but I just turn away going to the front door, yelling to our mom where I was going. I walk down the street, the empty bottle still in my hand. I smirk to myself _Eiji no baka._

I toss the bottle in a trashcan as I pass it going to the vending machine about 3 houses down from ours. I dig in my pockets for some yen, my eyes scanning the types of drinks in the machine.

We had plenty of Ponta, Kaa-san bought it when she found out that Eiji's friend…Ryoma, liked it since he and everyone else is over everyday, along with Red Bean bread for Fuji and Melon fruit for Oishi.

I picked a couple drinks, knowing one of them Eiji will like and began my walk back to the house, the cool bottles in my arms.

I stopped in front of the gate of my home, on the concrete side walk. I kneeled down, moving the contents all to one arm and ran my free hand over the characters that had been carved into the concrete long ago when it was fresh: our names along with our foot prints.

I smiled as I moved my hand around Eiji's tiny feet at the age of 4.

I don't remember much of the day Eiji came into this world, I don't remember too much of his rough beginning. But, I remember when everything became good. I remember when Eiji came home from the hospital after being there for nearly two months.

I remember holding him and kissing him on the cheek. I remember him spitting up on me. I remember, going into his nursery, the nursery that had been empty so long, and peaking over his crib, reaching through to touch him.

To know he was really there.

"Ruka-chan?" I look up to see my sister standing over me, she kneels beside me taking some bottles from my arm. "Seems like it was just yesterday."

"I wish I could rewind time or something, you know?"

"I know. But, we can't. We can't keep looking in the past or we can't go forward."

Go forward. I'm afraid for tomorrow to come- what if it's a bad day?

I feel her put a arm around me, she gives me a smile that reminds me of moms, "We have to live for today."

Today, a good day.

--------------

**Fuji's POV**

My eyes always wonder over to the empty seat to my left. It has been empty for a long time, too long. Though, I have a classroom full of my peers I feel alone.

I sigh, as the bell rings signaling the end of class, I stand up gathering my books and papers and placing them into bags. I look up as I hear someone approaching me, it's the teacher. She hands me papers and other things for Eiji.

"Your tutoring Eiji-kun has been good for him. His grades are much better than they were when he was here." She comments, returning his homework to me. I smile seeing the C pluses and B's on the top of the pages.

"He has no choice but to listen to me." I give her a smile putting the pages into my bag, "If he falls asleep, the moment he wakes up we continue where we left off."

She let out a laugh, "I bet he loves that."

I zip up my bag, "Not at all. Demo, I want to make sure he'll be able to graduate with me. Sounds selfish, I know."

"It's not, at all Fuji-kun. Eiji-kun is lucky to have you in his life."

"Iie Sensei, I'm lucky to have him in my life." I pick up the bag and put the strap over my shoulder.

I leave the room after saying goodbye to her and make my way down to the tennis courts. When I enter the locker room, all eyes are on me…including a pair of gray blue eyes.

My legs wobble under me and I have to grab the wall to hold myself up. I blink a couple times trying to make sure I'm seeing what and who I'm actually seeing.

I look towards Oishi, who looks like he just recovered from the same reaction I'm having right now.

"Nyyyaaaa Fujiko!" He gives me a big smile, "I wanted to surprise you in class but my parents and the principal kept talking and talking."

"Eiji…" I gasped finally. He was here; he wasn't at home or in the hospital. He was here at school, dressed in his regulars uniform.

"I'm back, minna." He said, to everyone in the room. I finally recovered and went over to him, grabbing him in a hug, "I'm back Fuji." He whispered in my ear.

We were like that for awhile, before we finally pulled apart. Oishi came over to us, and Eiji hugged him. I watched the two and smile, looking over Eiji.

He was wearing his regulars uniform Echizen's cap decked the top of his head. He looked better than he did earlier in the week but it was still…strange seeing him this way. Little or no energy, pale…

But he still had his smile.

"Hoi Arai-chan! I heard you were trying to take my regular spot, is that true?"

"Ah! Kikumaru-senpai, ano…in the beginning demo…"

"Nani?"

"There is no way I could replace you Kikumaru-senpai!"

"Good save, nya! Good save."

Isn't just a save, it's true Eiji.

**Eiji's POV**

-------------

It's been nearly a week now since I started school again, lets say its been a struggle. I miss my first two classes every other day because of my chemo, and I'm extremely tired when I get here. I leave all my classes 10 to 15 minutes early just to make it to my next class in time.

The looks I get from my school mates; sympathy, fear, worry and sometimes amazement.

_He's alive? _

_Poor boy, he was so cute too!_

_What's wrong with him?_

_Leukemia? Can you catch it? _

They think I can't hear them whispering but I can and to be honest it hurts. _I hope I don't get sick because of him._

Nya…it sucks. I've never had anyone talk about me behind my back, or I don't think so. I never had people fear me.

_It hurts…_I sniffed pulling my knees up to my chest, I've locked myself in the last cubical of the bathroom at school. _I never want to come out._

"_Li-chan!" A girl whispered somewhere behind me in the lunch room. "Don't eat that he moved his hand over it in the dessert line!"_

"_Ewww! Are you serious?"_

Fuji had started to get up and 'talk' to him, but I stopped him. What's the point, he and the other guys have 'talked' to so many people and the whispers haven't stopped.

What hurts more…is that even some of my class mates, people I had considered friends, were whispering too.

No one is treating me like Eiji, no one is treating me normally.

"_He's not normal."_

I'm not normal anymore.

"_Dude, I wonder if his stuff shrunk because of that shit he takes."_

Then they laugh, they laugh at me.

"_K-Kikumaru-senpai?" One of the first years on the team came over to me._

_I turned to him from my seat on the bench outside, he looked nervous but I smiled at him. "You okay Asato?"_

_He bit his lower lip, running his hand through his blonde hair. "Is it okay…for us to be around you?" He spat out._

_I stared at him, first I was shock and then my face went blank. Before I could answer him Tezuka who was close by, turned the look on his face caused Asato to squeak in fear._

"_Asato, 20 laps around the courts." He barked out. He first year quickly apologized, bowing serval times before starting his laps._

"_You didn't have to do that Tezuka."_

"_Hn." Was his answer before he turned away leaving me alone._

_That was his response; it could be a yes or a no or a full sentence. I was left alone sitting there thinking of what it could have meant…trying not to think of the question Asato asked me._

I pulled the hat from my head rubbing my hands over my bald scalp. I rubbed and rubbed until I thought my head would catch on fire from the friction.

I'm so tired of this. I want everything back! My hair…my health!

"Kikumaru." My head snapped up and I found Tezuka staring down at me.

"Go away." I whimpered, not only embarrassed but angry that he's seen me like this. How could I forget to slide the latch? How did I not hear him?

"I…I'm not going anywhere. You're upset."

"You think?" I snapped at him.

I heard him sigh, I know this had to be awkward for him but to my surprise he kneeled in front of me but didn't touch me, like Fuji or Oishi would've done.

"Kikumaru, I'm not here to judge you. I…just don't feel it would be in the best interest to leave you alone."

"Why?"

"Because…"

"Think that maybe I'm going to pass out or something?"

"Aa," He said, "that and you're…my friend. Friends are there for each other, right?"

I lowered my hand from my head and looked at him, he wasn't looking at me but somewhere off to the side as if he found the urinals interesting.

"They are." I whispered, I couldn't believe that this is Tezuka sitting in front of me, comforting me in his own way. "Arigatou, Tezu-chan."

He coughed, turning a slight red, and I couldn't help but to smile, "You're welcome Kikumaru."

"Mou! No cute nickname for me? Nya, I'm hurt Tezu-chan."

He stood up grabbing my bag, "I believe that we are both tardy for class." He handed me my bag as I stood from the floor, "I'll walk you."

He left the bathroom quickly, but he was waiting for me in the hallway. This is the first time, in three years that Tezuka ever…talked to me. I think our conversation in the bathroom has been the most he has said to me…ever.

It's hard to know if he was treating me differently because of my illness. How can I say he is or isn't? If I was upset and not sick would he have still spoken to me?

He kept his word and walked me to class, he even talked to my teacher for me- telling her I had gotten upset in the bathroom, which she translated into sick in the bathroom. When I took my seat in the class Fuji was looking at me, his face blank but his blue eyes revealing the worry.

At that time, I mentally thanked Tezuka again. Maybe he is the only one treating me the same.

_----------_

The members are warming up, the Freshman doing their swings and the junior members were warming up with mock matches. But, my attention was on the Regular's.

"Auo." I whispered as a ball was thrown.

The regulars hitting balls that were being thrown to them into various colored baskets on the opposite end of the court. I slouch in the bench, watching them and yearning to be able to participate.

_Blue._ "Auo." I whispered to myself again. Next.

_Black. _"Kuro." Next.

_Green. _"Midori." Next.

"Kikumaru-Fuku-Sensei-Senpai!" I blinked a couple times, when a bright green shirt blocked my vision of the courts.

"H-Horio?"

Fuku-Sensei…Nani?

"Hai! Kikumaru-Fuku-Sensei-Senpai we're done with our swings." He said, holding up his racket as if to prove his point. I looked around him to see the other Freshmen standing around not knowing what to do.

"Gomen Horio-chan." I stood from the bench going over to the Freshmen with Horio beside me.

"Don't apologize Kikumaru-Fuku-"

"Nya nya! Kikumaru-senpai is fine or even Eiji-senpai."

I shook my head chuckling at the younger boy, Ryuzaki-sensei had announced that, since I can't just be a active member, that I'm now Co-Coach and trainer for the Freshmen.

"Hai Kikumaru-senpai!"

I smiled at him as we came up to the other first years, "Alright, how about you guys do mock matches with each other. I want to see everyone's styles and strengths, nya. So, court one will be…Horio-chan and Kato-chan, in court two will be…"

---

I bit my lip watching the freshmen play. This was…horrible. _Two years experience, eh Horio?_ I laughed to myself writing on the notebook in my arms. "I-Data." I bit my lip harder trying to hold back my laugh.

I-Data…funny. How did Inui say it without cracking up at himself?

I focused my attention back on the younger boys in front of me, only to regret it. I covered my face as Horio missed a serve.

_This…is going to be a long evening. _I thought bending my knee that was starting to get sore.

-------------

**3rd Person POV**

"So, it was interesting, eh?" Fuji asked his best friend who was currently sitting across from him in a booth in the Ice Cream Parlor, he stabbed a grape in his fruit cup a smile on his face.

Eiji laughed, moving around the glass that contained his parfait, "Interesting, nya? I would say…there are no words to describe it." He pulled on the cap moving the brim of it to the side.

"That's Horio's two years experience, Eiji-senpai." Ryoma smirked at his senpai taking a spoon full of his chocolate Sundae into his mouth.

Eiji sighed, shaking his head a smile on his lips but he didn't say anything. He placed his elbow on the table, and brought his hand up to cradle his head.

"You're not going to eat any of your parfait, Eiji?" Oishi asked, seeing the change in the other boy.

Eiji didn't answer, he shut his eyes tightly. Groaning he moved his hand on his hand that was on his forehead up, knocking the cap off his head. His head dipped forward and came close to hitting the table before he jerked back up.

"Just got really tired." He mumbled, wrapped his other arm around his torso.

Tezuka, who closer to the sick boy, moved from the booth reaching his hand out to touch the boys face as he did. "He's burning up."

"I…don't feel…right." Eiji mumbled trying to move scoot out of the booth.

"Kikumaru, stay still. Oishi is calling your parents." Inui put his hands on his shoulders keeping him still. His face showing concern full concern for his friend.

"Go home…I'm late." He garbled out as he was pulled down into laying on his back on the red leather booth. "Kaa-chan gonna be mad."

"Eiji, just stay still, alright. We're getting some help." Taka-san said, trying to get to boy who was currently struggling to get up, to calm down.

"What happened?" Ryoma said, standing off to the side. Everything just happened. He's been fine and now all of a sudden…

By now the group had attracted the attention from the other customers in the parlor as well as the employees.

"Is everything alright?" A man came over to the group of boys. He didn't receive a answer right away, no one knew if anything was _alright. _

"Can you get us some wet towels?" Tezuka finally asked the man.

"Iie, get an ambulance!" Fuji shouted his voice full of panic. For a second the place got quiet, the only noise coming from Eiji who was chocking on his own vomit, eyes rolling into the back of his head.

Again instead of just taking steps back, everything was falling. Free-falling, no cord no safety net. The boys weren't prepared for the impact they were dreading was going to come.

**Authors Notes:**

OMG! Eiji, not again: holds up her shield from the items being thrown at her : Ah stop it! I know, Eiji just got better…but he can't. If he gets better than…that means no more torture.

Kikumaru-Fuku-Sensei-Senpai? Yeah…don't ask. Kinda makes sense that Horio would call him something like that.

Well, yep. Please review?


	18. Chapter 16: Way I Pray

Hey everyone! Well, does anyone watch the show The Messengers on TLC…There was a recent episode, where the Messengers went to a Children's Hospital. It was crazy…I was typing this right as it aired. Needless to say I stopped typing to watch it.

If you haven't seen it, if you have TLC you should start. Every episode it heart wrenching and beautiful.

--------- Thank you for the reviews I love them, they are so awesome! All of them! -----------

**Warnings: **Reference to Christianity and prayer. I understand there is so many religions out there, being a Pagan raised in a Christian household; I understand how it can be really confusing sometimes. There is much questioning about religion and God and so forth in this chapter. So, here is a fair warning, sorry if it offends anyone, but I warned you.

Cursing.

OOCness.

Smoking.

Drinking.

**Recap on Grand Parents. (Ages have changed)**

**Kimitzu Rebecca-Lynn** – 58, Kikumaru Kakyuu (Eiji's mother) mom. She is American, your normal house wife. She is one who is always concerned about her looks, and hated admitting her true age. But she loves being a mother and grand mother. Dark hair, with green eyes a short woman with a big ego.

**Kikumaru Matsumi**- 59, Motoki (Eiji's dad) mother. Her personality is similar to Eiji's- a genki older woman. She's a deeply religious Christian, but even so she is a fun person and doesn't mind loosening her religious belt to have fun. Dark red hair dark blue eyes, like the night sky.

**Kimitzu Fuyuki**- 60 Japanese born and raised, during his college years he lived in America, Chicago, where he met his wife and mother of his children. He spoils his grandchildren rotten, and will do anything to see a smile on their faces as well as his daughters'. Tall man, with a medium build- dark red hair and hazel eyes.

**Kikumaru Hiroshi**- 64, man who spends his time with his family since retiring. A strict man who has a soft spot for his grand children. Doesn't wear his feelings on his sleeve as long as his grandkids aren't involved, when someone happens good or bad concerning them his military persona drops and is replaced with a kinder man.

Prayer is suppose to put us at peace  
No matter who or what we are praying too  
There are several types of prayer  
Though not everyone agrees what one is right  
It shouldn't matter  
Just whatever helps us sleep at night.

-Types of Prayer  
By me.

---**Oishi POV**---

"Get an ambulance!" I don't know who I pushed out the way to get to Fuji and Eiji, and I didn't care. My eyes widened at the sight before me, Eiji's eyes in the back of his head, the chocking sounds and the liquid coming from his mouth.

I don't remember pushing the table, to get to Eiji I don't remember pulling Taka-san away. But, I do remember the fear that was building up finally exploding.

I grabbed Eiji, turning him over on his side, I tried to open his mouth to get rid of the vomit he was chocking on, but I couldn't they were clenched tight.

Then finally his jaw relaxed and I was able to open his mouth removing the throw up from his mouth. "Eiji…" my voice quivered as I spoke, I put my hand on his shoulder shaking him, "Eiji."

He didn't respond to me, his eyes were shut and his body that was earlier tensed was now relaxed. Something else, something more than just fear took over, "Eiji!" The only thing that kept me from loosing my mind at that point was the noticeable movement from his body as he breathed.

I was suddenly pulled away and someone moved in front of me, if it wasn't to the uniform they were wearing I would've screamed at them.

"Eiji…" I whispered again, as I watched the emergency medical team work on him.

"He's breathing… his pulse is erratic…blood pressure…"

"Eiji…"

-----

The waiting room of the hospital was quiet but a couple noises in the room kept me from loosing my mind. The ticking of the clock, the sipping as people drank from their cups or cans, the pop and hiss of the 4th can of Ponta Echizen was on…

The soft praying of Eiji's grandmother.

_Our Father, Who art in heaven, _

I shut my eyes leaning forward in my chair, my elbows on my knees my hands in fists on my forehead.

_Hallowed be Thy Name.  
Thy Kingdom come._

I shut my eyes leaning forward in my chair, my elbows on my knees my hands in fists on my forehead.

_Thy Will be done, on earth as it is in Heaven. _

_Give us this day our daily bread._

I let out a shaking sigh, my bottom lip quivered as it started to move along with the familiar words coming from the older womans mouth.

And forgive us our trespasses,  
as we forgive those who trespass against us.

Around me I could hear more voices join into the prayer, I felt the chills as the goosebumps popped up on my arms and the hair stand on the back of my neck.

_And lead us not into temptation,_

_But deliver us from __evil_

I felt someone touch my arm pulling my hand away from my face into their hands someone did the same to my other hand, I didn't look up to see who is was, I kept my head down and my eyes shut.

_For Thine is the kingdom, the power, and the glory,_

_For ever and ever._

I squeezed the hands in mines.

_Amen_

The prayer had ended, but my hands weren't released. But I didn't care, I kept my head down and my eyes shut. It felt weird, my family we aren't religious, my mom is but she's Buddhist. I don't know who to pray to…

_But I just hope someone can hear me. Please, don't take him away…_

"Don't take him…" I lifted my head, opening my eyes letting out another shaking breath. I looked at the people who were holding my hands; to my left it was Mamoru-san and my right was Fuji.

I looked around the room to see everyone was holding hands, even Tezuka was holding hands with Eiji's grandmother.

We finally let go of each others hands, but no one said a thing. I returned my attention to Fuji and studied his profile. I know the same things we running through my mind that were running through his.

Fuji…our relationship is weird, we're not best friends with each other just because we both consider Eiji our best friend, but we…are. I don't understand it and I'm sure he doesn't. We're friends…good friends.

When it comes to Eiji we're both on the same wave length.

He turned to me; behind his earth blue eyes I could see the worry and the fear.

_Don't take him from us. _

---**3rd Party POV-**--

"You babies should go home." Eiji's grandmother, Rebecca, said as the clock neared 9 o'clock. "You all have been here nearly 4 hours."

"Iie, Obaa-san." Fuji said, his voice low, "I can't do that."

"Nor can I. Gomen, Obaa-san." Oishi said, with a small shake of his head.

The other boys declined as well, apologizing for not agreeing with the older woman.

"That's fine, boys." Kimitzu Fuyuki said, wrapping his arm around the shoulder of his wife, "Just make sure you call your parents. We don't want them to worry thinking this crazy family has kidnapped you all." He attempted to joke, but only received a few grins. He sighed pulling his wife closer to him, letting the dark haired lady lay her head on his shoulder.

"Anyone need anything?" Kikumaru Hiroshi asked the people in the room, when he received shakes of the head or no answer he turned to his son and daughter in law. Both were holding each other, bags under their blank eyes…

"Son?" He looked up, his face blank no emotion at all as he looked at his father. "You need anything?"

The younger man shook his head, pulling his wife even closer to him laying his head on the top of her head, eyes staring at nothing.

The older man sighed, _My poor family._ He thought mournfully leaving the quiet room. His hands deep in his pockets. _My son, my daughter in law…my grandchildren. _He made his way down the elevator and outside the hospital, pulling out a small pack in his hands.

"Gomen, Matsu-chan…I know I promised to quit." He took a cigarette from the pack, putting it between his lips. Before he lit it, he looked around the area he was in; it was dark out, the only light was coming from the hospital behind him and the light post side the walk ways.

As he lit the stick his features became illuminated; his hard grey blue eyes containing so many emotions – sadness, love, fear, the red mustache on the top of his lips with only a few grey hairs.

_I never question You but, I can't help it now. Why my little grandson? _He shut his eyes, inhaling the smoke. _Why put my family through so much? If You take him, make it quick…don't let him suffer._

"Ojii-san?"

The older man quickly turned, settle from the voice calling his name. "Emiko?" He squinted looking at the darkened shadow stand a few feet in front of him.

"Hai." She came closer, stepping into the lightened area getting closer to her grandfather. "I thought you were quitting?" She pointed out, eyeing the older man.

"I am."

She smiled at the man, and he couldn't help but to smile back at her- one can't play the hardened role of a former Sergeant long when it came to ones grandchild. He reached out his hand, taking her's pulling her close to him.

"There is still no word on Eiji, Ojii-san…I'm…I" She turned her head her word becoming muffled as she continued to speak. "What if he dies?"

_What if he dies?_

The man didn't answer, he pulled the cigarette from his mouth flinging it across the smoking area. As the hot ember tip hit he ground, the ember broke and scattered in a beautiful pattern that quickly burnt out, he put both his arms around his older granddaughter holding her close.

The two remained silent save for the sobbing coming from the 19 year old. The man didn't sob but a few tears managed to escape his eyes.

_What if he dies?_

----------

It was 15 minutes till 10 before they got any word on the 14 year old boys condition. When the doctor came in, he looked shocked to see so many people still sitting in the waiting room.

Another doctor followed in behind him, a doctor the family was more familiar with than anyone else in this hospital.

People stood, their eyes large with worry wanting to know about Eiji.

"Yui-sensei." Motoki starred at the man, questions filling his eyes.

"This is Eirito Walter, he is the lead pediatrician here at Tokyo University Medical Center." He nodded towards the man, signaling from him to start talking.

"Kikumaru-san, your son had a moderate seizure this evening." He paused as gasped filled the room along with a sob coming from Eiji's mother. "We believe it was triggered from his Chemo, it's a side effect but its not common."

"We're debating on changing the type of Chemo he is on, though, we're not sure how he'd take to it. So we ran test to check on his count and ran a few CT scans." He sighed, going over to the parents, nodding at them to sit down. "He is officially in remission from his leukemia."

There was no reaction from the parents, for the months they had been by their child in this battle they knew all to well good news came with bad news.

"The Osteosarcoma isn't going away. Looking at the scan the main lump has grown and not shrunk like we were hoping, We have a option of limb salvage…we _had_ that option until we looked lower on his femur. More tumors had appeared, I'm sorry." He took their hands preparing them, "our only option is to remove the lower part of his leg."

Kakyuu gasped, tears falling from her eyes she turned burring her head into her husbands chest.

Beside them, Mamoru back straightened and his face hardened but he said nothing. Emiko, let out a sob moving over to her parents who took her into their arms- mother and daughter crying together while the father tried to stay strong.

"Fuck!" Hayata cried out as he stood, leaving to room- not being one to show his emotions in front of others- he left not wanting anyone to see him.

Haruka, stared after her twin, suddenly feeling alone when he left the room. She looked around not knowing what to do. Cry? Scream? Be pissed? _Why? Why? WHY! _Her mind screamed, but she remained seated and silent.

Across from them Eiji's friends felt…lost?

Ryoma left the room shortly after Hayata did, followed by a worried Taka-san. Kaidoh hissed, hating not being able to do anything for anyone around him, "Let's leave, and give the family some space." Inui said, standing. Kaidoh and Momoshiro nodded, following the older boy and the three left the room- Tezuka followed them after a couple moments. All their eyes had the same expression; sadness and that lost feeling showing in their eyes.

"Oishi-kun, Fuji-kun." Rebecca's voice quivered as she spoke reaching towards the two boys now alone on the other said of the room, "Come over here."

The two slowly made their way to the grandmother; she took Fuji's hand pulling him towards her causing him to kneel in front of her, the woman's husband got up going to his oldest grandson and youngest granddaughter, telling Oishi to sit in his seat.

The woman put her arm around the boy, putting his head on her shoulder. "We need you two, badly. Eiji needs you badly especially right now. You're family, remember that, okay?" They nodded not saying a word.

"Do you have to take it?" Motoki asked the doctor. "It's going to kill him."

"It's going to kill him if we don't."

"…"

"We need to do this, if we don't it _will_ spread and your son _will _die."

Kayuu shut her eyes at the doctors empises at the word 'will'. They were giving their son no chance, no choices only to try to live or die. No mother wanted to see her child suffer, no mother wanted to see their child sad. _Either way, he's life has ended for him. _

She pulled herself away from her husband and daughter, turning to face the boys with her mother. "Tell me. Tell me what to do." She pleaded with the young boys, tears falling from her eyes.

"It's not our choice," Fuji stated quietly, "it can be no ones choice, only Eiji's."

The woman gasped at the young gensai's words, she sat back her eyes wide as she realized what he just said is right. "Is my son awake?"

"He is."

"Does he know?"

"Yes, he does. He realized it himself, and asked us." The man stood from where he kneeled on the floor, going over to the other doctor, "He hasn't said a word since."

"Can we see him?"

--**Eiji's POV**--

I fingered my catheter tube line as I stared at the IV line running from my hand to the bag hanging from the stand.

I've being staring at it now for, maybe hours. You know, just thinking.

_No more tennis._

_No more acrobatics._

_No more._

My life is over, at the age of 14 my life is over.

"_Your leg needs to be amputated Eiji. You know what that means?" The new doctor asked, he spoke slow- like I was stupid or something. _

"_You're going to whack of my leg." I stated, looking away from him out the window- it was dark I noted._

"_Eiji-kun," Yui-sensei put his hand on my shoulder, "I'm sorry, we need to do this or it's going to spread and you'll loose your life."_

_I laughed at that point, shaking my head. "You don't get it, nya? My life is over anyway Yui-sensei. Take away my leg, you're taking away my life!" I pulled away from him, making him take his hand off my shoulder. "I don't care."_

I wonder if I can hang myself with the IV tube. Maybe…I saw a movie once a girl bent the tube creating a air bubble in it…and she died. Something about air getting into your blood and when it reaches your heart- you're done.

Air bubble isn't the same thing as oxygen in your blood.

I wonder if maybe I could…

What am I doing? Thinking of suicide? I sighed finally looking away, I laid down now starting a staring contest with the ceiling.

"Eiji…" I didn't turn as my name was called, I knew it was my mom and she wasn't alone. "Baby?" She came over, standing over me. "How are you?"

I just shrugged not giving a verbal answer, if I did I'd be committed into a psycho ward or something.

We were quiet, I could tell where Fuji and Oishi were, I could smell both their colognes. The room felt tight and full so I knew pretty much everyone was there.

Show time.

I sat up, smile plastered on my face. "Hoi minna!" I smiled at them, my grandparents, my parents, my sisters, my brothers and my best friends. Needless to say they were shocked, their eyes wide.

"Gomen about the scare!" I said forcing out a embarrassed laugh, putting my needle free hand behind my head. "Seizure, huh? Wow." I whistled.

I'm already getting tired.

"I'm in remission for my leukemia, ne? I wish I could call Sasami and tell her, she'd be so happy. How long am I going to be here anyway. Nyaaaaaaa, kaa-chan I'm hungry! I haven't ate today. Did you cook? What did you cook? I'm thirsty can someone get me some water? Onegaiiii, nya, Fuji you're wearing my favorite colognes, ne? Tou-chan how was…"

I kept rambling I couldn't stop. My chest was starting to hurt and the familiar bubble was building up in my chest. My eyes burned with tears but I held them back, and I kept the smile up.

I'm going to loose my leg or I'm going to die.

I want be able to play doubles with Oishi or even Fuji. No tennis at all, I'm finished.

"…Sensei said that I love giving him a scare. That's funny nya, him scared? Yui-sensei is funny. The other one is mean though he talks to me life I'm stupid…"

I'm no good to anyone, not even myself. What can I do without my leg? Sit around? That's not me!

"…I…I really want to go…I'm tired of hospitals…Oi, Mamo-chan, how is…how is…"

Damn it. I cursed mentally as my smile fell along with the tears. I let out a chocking sob and it didn't stop. I brought my hand up to my face trying to hide. I wish the ground would open up a swallow me whole.

I felt arms try to encircle me, but I pulled away. Part of me still wanted to be stubborn, still wanted to the strong.

"Baby…we're here." My dad said, and I shook my head.

"You're…not here." I whispered through the sob. "You're not here!" I hit my hand against my chest. "You're not HERE!" I balled up my fist, hitting it against my god forsaken leg. "You're not me! You're not in this body…this body that suddenly hates you!"

I started crying uncontrollably at that point, so bad I couldn't breath. I guess they called in the doctor or someone to sedate me, because suddenly I got very tired and my eyelids got heavy.

"…you're not…here…" I whispered as someone pushed me back unto my bed, I think it was my grandmother. She brushed her hand over my forehead, I could see her lips moving but the words were…they took awhile to reach my ears, or something.

"Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to Keep. If I die before I wake. I pray the Lord my soul to take."

"…if I die…before I wake…" I mumbled as the blackness of sleep, of a drugged unknown- of a dreamless sleep- took over me.

Oddly I welcomed it.

-----**Mamoru POV**-----

Have you ever stared at something for so long, you start having a conversation with it? No? Oh, me…uh, neither. How about, have you ever stared at something for so long if vanishes. I don't know…

I haven't slept for two day now, so…I'm kind of out of it right now. I stare at the turn table in the local night club, Rocket Science, I work in as a DJ. It does a type of disappearing trick and then it reappears suddenly.

I reach my hand out, touching one of the many knobs and dials, just to make sure it's real. I confirm that it is when my hand touches the black hard plastic. It's 5 in the morning, I should be going home, tomorrow is a big day…or today.

Saturday? Yeah it's Saturday morning.

I move away from my turn table, removing the large headphones from around my neck. I turn and make my way from the glass DJ booth. I step down from the last step on the metal stairs, unto the dance floor.

I look around to see the damage, bottles, empty cups…bras and underwear.

"I really hate foam night." Came the comment from the club owner, Kei, I smirked towards him shaking my head.

"But it's the best night for money, right?"

He rolled his eyes, picking up a bra with his pen, with a whistle, "D cups." He droped the bra and we make it over to the bar that was being restocked for tonight.

"Toniko." I call the woman behind the bar, she comes over carrying a tall bottle with a clear liquid inside handing it to me, "Arigatou." I unscrew the top, while reaching for a cup on the other side of the bar table.

"Love your vodka, huh."

"Fuck yeah," I mumbled filling the glass, I guzzle it down enjoying the way it burns as it makes it way down my troat.

"How's your brother doing?" He asked pouring himself a glass.

"Not good." It made my heart drop to say it, but it was true. Eiji was bad- terrible. He hasn't smiled since his breakdown two days ago, he barely spoke last time I heard time speak was when he said;

"_Chop it off."_

He didn't even cry, he just said it and laid on his bed, curling into a ball.

"I'm sorry, man." He said drinking from the glass. "You need anything, let me know."

"I will…" I filled up my already empty glass, "TK is DJing tonight."

"I remember," He moved the bottle from my reach, and I glared at him but I didn't say anything. "How is everything going financially?"

Everything is bad. Our insurance company doesn't respond in time for certain treatments, so we end up paying most of it out of pocket. They say they'll reimburse us with most of it, however it take 3 to 4 weeks to receive a check.

Now with this surgery, whatever comes next is going to be hard to face- after hospital bills, and normal bills we're scraping from day to day. Hayata and Haruka offered to get jobs but we, Emiko and I, and our parents declined right away.

"We're fine." I lied, and he caught it right away.

"You're the worse liar, since Pinocchio." He stood up from the stool at the bar, pulling on my shoulder, "C'mon you need to be with your family. Not getting shit faced."

I didn't reply, I stood stuffing my hands into the pockets of my black jeans. He walked me out to my car and I fished out my keys opening the door of my black sports car.

"This is such a chick car."

I glared at him, "I was with that bi…that witch when I got it." I spat out, opening the door, "chick car, that's a chick magnet."

He laughed, "Be careful." He than pushed on the long door of my two door vehicle. I put the key into the ignition, turning it making my car roar to life- the CD player lit up with a beep, and the music began to blare from the speakers.

I cracked my window open, sticking a cigarette between my lips lighting it. I inhaled the smoke deeply- enjoying the toxic and deadly smoke and chemicals filling my lungs.

_Another dream that will never come true  
Just to compliment your sorrow  
Another life that I've taken from you  
A gift to add on to your pain and suffering_

I put the car into gear, squealing out the sparking lot; leaving my tire mark and smoke behind.

_Another truth you can never believe  
Has crippled you completely  
All the cries you're beginning to hear  
Trapped in your mind, and the sound is deafening_

Red lights and stop signs were things I paid little to no attention to at this time of morning. Very few cars on the road, lessen my chances of dying in a fire car crash.

Damn.

_Let me enlighten you  
This is the way I pray_

I narrowed my eyes, inhaling the smoke again, slowly letting it out. _'This is how I pray. Obaa-san has her way and I have mine'  
_

_Living just isn't hard enough  
Burn me alive, inside  
Living my life's not hard enough  
Take everything away_

'_Living isn't hard enough? So whatever higher power there is, is having a fun time fucking us over.' _I turned the wheel sharply, as I hit the curb and nearly hit a mail box on the corner. _'I wish I had my vodka, sake, beer or something.'_

_Another nightmare about to come true  
Will manifest tomorrow  
Another love that I've taken from you  
Lost in time, on the edge of suffering_

'_If I loose Eiji…' _ I bit my lip hard enough to draw blood, the metallic taste mixing with the taste of cigarette smoke and vodka.

Another taste of the evil I breed  
Will level you completely  
Bring to life everything that you fear  
Live in the dark, and the world is threatening

I took another drag from the cigarette; it started to taste bitter- that's when I realized it reached the filter. I threw it out the open window as I jerked the wheel to avoid hitting a morning jogger.

"BAKA!" I yelled, even though I knew I was the stupid one.

_Let me enlighten you  
This is the way i pray_

_Chorus_

_Return to me, return to me, return to me, turn to me, leave me no one  
Turn to me, return to me, return to me, turn to me, cast aside  
Return to me, return to me, return to me, turn to me, leave me no one  
Turn to me, return to me, return to me, you've made me turn away_

"If I loose Eiji…!" I yelled, at no one or someone, leaving the threat open ended. I sung the wheel, forgetting all the rules I learned Drivers Education years ago, turning the corner going down another street.

_Chorus Variant:  
Living just isn't hard enough  
Burn me alive, inside  
Living my life's not hard enough,  
They take everything from you_

I can't see anymore, I pulled over- wherever I am- putting the car into park. I reached for another cigarette, my hands were shaking so bad they flew from the pack. "Fuck!" I hit the steering wheel causing the horn to honk. "Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!" I leaned forward hitting my head on the steering wheel.

"Don't take him…!" I screamed again sobbing.

I don't know how long I cried, I don't know how long I was sitting thre in my car. I guess I even went to sleep for a while because when I opened my eyes the sun was up. More cars were out and so were the people, I blinked a couple times, pulling away from the steering wheel and sat up.

Calm down, Kikumaru. I thought to myself reaching for one of the cigarettes that were spread all over the passenger seat of my car. As I leaned forward the decoration I had hanging from the review mirror, a car picture frame, slowly rotated facing me. A picture of my family, perfect and posed.

Perfect. Posed. Happy.

The crazy Kikumaru's. The happy Kikumaru's.

Will we ever be that family again. I stared at Eiji's smiling face, his face healthy and happy. I reached for it, taking it in my hands I ran my tumb over it.

Will it ever be like this again?

Will _we _ever be this family again?

I let the picture fall from my hand and watched it swing back on forth until it became steady with only a slight rock.

I let the itger cigarette fall from my other hand and I brought them together in front of me closing my eyes.

"Our Father, who art in Heaven..."

I don't know who to pray to. I don't know if there is someone to pray to, I don't know if I was yelling at anyone or anything earlier, questioning and cursing at it or them. Right now though, I need someone to help me. To help us.

"Hallowed be Thy Name."

How do you pray? I've never done it alone, I've always had my Obaa-san or someone with me. _Pray from your heart. _I remember Obaa-san told Eiji when he was little and leading his first prayer. When I was his age, I declined running away or hiding under the table but he smiled and started right away. _"Thank you for this yummy food...and the sky...and the...oh and the monkeys we saw in the zoo today! And...for my family!...ano..."_

I smiled slightly at the memory.

"Thy kingdom come..."

I guess...prayer doesn't have rules. I just...hope it works.

"Thy will be done..."

_Your will be done. _I couldn't continue, I picked up a cigarette and quickly lit it inhaling the smoke deeply. I guess...I'll have to do my own type of praying, but not praying. Just hoping.

I started the car and made my way to the hospital to my family. To Eiji.

**TBC…**

I know, a lot of you guessed this was going to happen! Sorry for doing this to Eiji, well, not really. I know this chapter had a lot of crying and moaning and…religious stuff, sorry if it offended anyone but I warned you.

What else? Oh the contents, first prayer was the Lord's Prayer and the next was a Child's Bedtime Prayer or something like that.

The lyrics are Disturbed Prayer. I tried to find some lyrics from my favorite Japanese rock and heavy metal bands that would fit but I couldn't find them and I'm way too lazy to type any of it out.

I have no idea how much longer this fan fiction will be going on. I have : counts : at least 3 major scenes I have to do. Hopefully the next one will be soon! I have different parts of it typed out I just have to lead up to it and put it together.

Next chapter should be out by Friday!

So? Please review, comment and suggest.


	19. Chapter 17: Promise

**Authors Notes: **I was awake last night thinking about the last chapter. I wanted to change it but, as I started a revised chapter of it I couldn't get the same feeling I had for the original. So, yeah…

Anyway, thanks to everyone who reviewed and even to those who haven't. Here is the next chapter of This Nightmare.

**Warnings: **Besides OCCness nothing else really.

**Title:** This Nightmare

**Chapter: **Seventeen: Promise

This I promise you  
I'll be there for you now and forever more  
This is my promise  
This is promise you  
I'll be your best friend now and forever more  
This is my promise to you

-My Promise

Houston

---3rd PARTY POV---

"Are you sure there is no other way?" Motoki asked looking at the CT scans of his sons legs. "Are you sure?"

"Motoki-san…"

"What if…this limb salvage thing…and with his chemo…" He ran his hands through his hair, unable to put a full sentence together on what he was trying to say, however the doctor understood and went over to the man.

"We're afraid to risk it."

"If you're afraid to risk it, then there is some chance?" He turned to the doctor hope clearly showing in his tired blue eyes. "There is some chance for my son's leg to be saved."

"There is always a chance, it's just weather the chance is low or high, Motoki-san." He put his hands into the pockets of his scrubs, not turning to look at his patience father.

"Yui-sensei, I don't want my son to suffer. He's going to hate himself once he wakes up."

"I understand, demo if we don't do this it will spread to his lungs and liver. With the amputation we will rid all of the osteoscarcoma. With limp-salvage surgery, if we went that direction and we miss a malignant tumor he'll die."

The doctor turned to face the father only to be struck with something that made his heart break; Motoki stood beside him, one hand covering his face as tears feel from his eyes, distress and sadness all over the mans face. "I don't know…what to do."

The doctor turned looking at the scans of his patience diseased leg. The back and white X-ray showed the boys long femur, normally the bone should be smooth however this one wasn't. The top of the bone, right under the knee held a large solid cloudy mass- smaller versions of the mass sat around it and down the leg.

"I wish there was away." He told the man regretfully, his voice low. In just an hour, he'd be witnessing the removal of his patience's leg.

"_Yui-Sensai…" Eiji asked, gaining my attention, before they were leaving the room, his blue-grey eyes red and puffy from the crying and fear was clearly relaying to me through them. "I play tennis, nya, you know…"_

"_Hai." I nodded at him._

"_I…I nya, was just wondering if…I will be able to play. If…things, if…I just want to be able to play Yui-Sensai." I smiled at the nervous boy, turning the front of my body to him._

"_I understand." I placed my hand on Eiji's shoulders, looking into his eyes, "You'll be able to play, for a while you won't be, but you will. I promise you Eiji-kun."_

"_Arigatou."_

'The smile Eiji gave me before he left, is what I worked for. I'm not a doctor for the money or fame, I'm a doctor to make sick children well again to make them smile. Eiji hasn't truly smiled in a long time, and in just a little while I won't be giving him anymore reason to smile…demo…'

"I promised him, he'll be able to play tennis again. I'm going to keep that promise, Motoki-san. We'll see a smile on Eiji-kun's face again." He said, laying his hand on the other mans shoulder giving it a reassuring squeeze before turning to leave the room.

----**YUI-SENSI**----

When Eiji was wheeled into the operating room, he was awake and alert. I could see the fear in the tired boys eyes. I went over to him, and put my hand on the top of his head. "I'm going to be here the entire time, from when you go to sleep and when you wake up. I'll be here, I don't leave your side."

"Promise...Yui-sensei?"

I know he wasn't able to tell to well but I smiled down at him.

"_Yui-sensei." Eiji stopped me as I started to leave the room from talking with the family about the operation taking place in less than half an hour. _

_I turned to him, expecting to see the sad face I had seen for so long now, however what I saw made my breath stopped; Eiji was staring towards me a small smile on his face. "I know you tried and I want to thank you for everything, nya. Without you and my family and friends I wouldn't be alive right now, I would've given up a long time ago."_

"_Don't you dare give up on us from here, either." _

"_I don't plan to, I know you guys won't let me anyway."_

_I went over to the boy taking his hand, "You're right, there. You are so strong, Eiji-kun."_

_He squeezed my hand, his smile growing slightly. "Nya, just know…I don't," He paused searching for the right words, "I don't blame you for anything."_

But, I blame myself. I was supposed to prevent this, do everything I could to keep him well.

"I'm alive." Eiji spoke, brining me out of my thoughts. He smiled up at me, "People express their expressions on your face and I just took a shot at what you were thinking about. I'm alive, Sensei, this is just…a set back, ne?"

I nodded, "I'm supposed to be comforting you, Eiji-kun."

"You haven't promised yet."

"I promise, I'll be here the whole time. I'm going to keep all my promises to you, Eiji-kun."

He just nodded with a small smile, "I was so…mad at first. But, I'm happy I've lived this long, Sensei…I get to see my family and friends. I was thinking, there are so many who died just last night at the Children's Hospital." He looked at me for confirmation.

I nodded sadly, "We lost 3 kids last night."

"Their families will the burying them soon, they will never hear their laughs again."

I watched as a tear fan down his face, I reached out wiping it away only to have more follow.

"I don't want to die."

"Eiji-kun," It was against the rules for a doctor to ever tell a patient this, but I did because I believe it; "you're not going to die, I won't let you."

"Yui-sensei. Are we ready to start?" The anesthesiologist came over to us, his equipment trailing behind him. I looked at him and then back down at Eiji.

"Are you ready?"

Eiji bit his lip and nodded, I stepped away as they started to set him up on the operating table. He never looked away from me and I never broke our eye contact either.

The tools were out and ready, yet Eiji was still awake. "Alright, Kikumaru-kun?" The anesthesiologist asked my patient and I moved myself closer to Eiji sitting in a stool beside his head. Eiji shrugged as a answer, "Okay, I'm going to put this mask over your face now."

I took his hand at that point, seeing the fear raise in his eyes. "I'm here. It's going to be alright."

The plastic mask was placed over his mouth and nose, "Breath normally, count backwards from 20 for me."

"Nijuu…juuku…juuhachi…juushichi…juuroku…juugo…juushi…juusan…juuni…juuichi…j-juu…ku…hachi…candycanes…monkey shrimp…silly rabbit…juuku"

I smiled, shaking my head as random words and phrases came out the boys mouth as sleep took over him, his eyes shut and slowly the mumbles became incoherent and soon no nose came from him.

"He's out. I will continue to monitor during surgery." The anesthesiologist stated towards the other doctors and surgeons in the room.

"Alright, starting surgery at 10:24 am."

Not being a surgeon this is all I could do was sit here and watch the boy whose life has been in my hands for so long. I stared at his sleeping face, while the noises in the background; the surgeons speaking to one another and to the nurses, the beeps from the heart machine and the hissing from the machine to insure Eiji is breathing properly- each and everyone of them I listened to, to make sure everything is okay.

"I'm going to keep all my promises, Eiji-kun."

---**3rd PERSON POV**---

In a waiting room no far from the operating room sat the Kikumaru family. Kakyuu, was in the arms of her husband who held her as close as possible to him.

Around them, sat their older children. Mamoru and Emiko sat on each side of their parents doing their own things; Emiko reading from a new novel, or at least making it look like she was she had been turned to page 175 since she opened the thick book over a hour ago.

Mamoru had his head against the pastel blue wall, staring at the florescent lights above them. Every now and then his dark blue eyes would blink only to open and resume his fascination with the lights.

The twins sat on the floor, playing a card game with one another. A normal game between the two would involve a lot of yelling, hitting and pitching. However, their game was silent, save for the sound of the cards shuffling.

That was all, the grandparents were at home taking care of things there, and the friends of the youngest Kikumaru had to be convinced to leave earlier that morning.

"Mamoru?" Motoki called his oldest child, getting his attention. Mamoru rolled his head towards his father, his eyes droopy from lack of sleep. "Why don't you lay on the floor, go to sleep or something?"

The boy rolled his head back and forth as a shake of his head, "I couldn't go to sleep anyway."

"Oh." Motoki looked down at his wife who had fallen asleep and kissed her forehead. "When this is all done, I was thinking of maybe all of us go to America or something. New York, California, Hawaii…"

"Bahamas?"

"Aa, that would be nice."

"It would be nice, but it's a dream. After all this, what are we going to do Otou-san? We're broke."

"Don't worry about that, Mamoru, that's my concern, alright?"

"Otou-chan…"

"Let me worry about it. We're going to be fine, I promise. I promise we're all going to be okay."

Mamoru's tired eyes showed disbelief but the man beside him, that man being his father, he wanting to believe him. But he couldn't, now being a young adult he couldn't rely on the words of his father when nothing supported his promise.

The numbers on the bills didn't lie. The conversations with the insurance company didn't lie. The bills piling up on the coffee table didn't lie.

_Otou-san doesn't lie either._

He sighed shutting his eyes the promise his father made sitting on his mind as he, finally, drifted off to sleep.

---STREET TENNIS COURTS---

"Game and Match! Fuji/Kawamura pair 7 games to 5!"

"YES! BURNING BABY! A WIN FOR EIJI!" Kawamura Takashi waved the racquet wildly around him, causing people to keep a large distance from him "FOR EIJI WE WILL KICK EVERYONES-" His roar stopped as Fuji jumped in taking the racquet from his tennis partners hand.

He smiled warmly at the other boy as he looked around confused, wondering why his other team mates and the tennis members of Hyoutei were staring at him in amusement.

"How is Kikumaru?" Oshitari Yuusi, inquired going to the group of Seigaku regulars. Each of their faces went blank, but it didn't had the flash of emotions that were clearly shown in their eyes.

"He…" Momoshiro started, "isn't good." He paused looking at his friends and teammates wondering if it was okay to continue, when he got a confirming nod from Oishi he continued, "His leg has to be amputated."

"Kami-sama." The tensai of Hyoutei mumbled, pushing his glasses up his nose his eyes shut. Beside him his tennis partner Gakuto, pale face seemed to pale even more. He turned away from his partner and the rival school going over to his bag and team mates.

Being a acrobatic tennis player, he felt for the other player currently in the hospital. 'I'd die.' Was his only thought as he placed the racquet into his bag.

True, the two schools were rivals but it didn't have to stop any of them for being friends or at least acquaints. They all visited Eiji in the hospital, they've all seen him- how sick he looked, how he lost his hair and so much weight, and now he was loosing a limb.

"Give his family our regards." Oshitari said to them, nodding his head. He then followed the same path as his partner went just a couple seconds ago.

The Seigaku regulars sat on the bleaches of the street courts, in silence. Fuji held his cell phone in his hand, wanting it to ring. Momoshiro stood and started to pace, "Having a match felt good but we're back to waiting." He mumbled as he paced back and forth in front of the group.

"Stop it, baka. You're making everyone nervous!" Kaidoh finally snapped after watching the other boy pace for minutes.

"Nervous? Your face makes everyone nervous!"

"Bastard! What did you say?"

"I said: your face makes everyone nervous!" He repeated getting close in Kaidoh's face. "Wanna do something about it?"

Kaidoh stood grabbing the collar of the muscle shirt he was wearing. He stared at the spiky haired boy not saying anything just hissing and grinding his teeth angrily. Before any of the other boys could do anything, Kaidoh pushed Momoshiro away and sat back down on the bleachers.

Momo stumbled back and stabilized his self, straitening up his shirt. He looked at the other boy meeting his glare. There was a little anger, but that wasn't all- words were shared through there looks.

_Not now, but later you bastard._

Momoshiro bit his lip, going over to the group and sat down by Inui, whose notebook was surprisingly shut.

"Seigaku." Their head snapped up to see Hyoutei captain, Atobe Keigo, standing near them. "Give the Kikumaru family our regards." He stated simply and turned on his heel, leaving the courts.

Momoshiro, looked at the older boy beside him expecting to see him writing in his notebook about the self declared Prince of Hyoutei, but he wasn't. His notebook sat on his lap untouched.

---INUI's POV---

I realized yesterday, not everything can be calculated. Not everything can be predicted through data, especially when it comes to someone's life.

A friends life.

I wasn't able to see that this was going to happen.

Maybe because I stopped trying?

I stopped collecting data as the point when Kikumaru's chances of survival dropped long ago. I stopped adding and dividing the number. I stopped calculating the percentages.

I just let it sit in my mind and I believed it greatly that Kikumaru would be fine, 100 percent. No questions asked, no if and or buts. The numbers stopped mattering when it came to his life.

They no longer mattered.

But, last night, the data I had started and figured out when Kikumaru first got sick is coming true. The things I researched about osteosarcoma, all the statistics all the information pointed out that this would happen.

Last night, I tore those pages out. I didn't want to believe it, I had to.

Numbers don't lie. But the person who added them up could be wrong.

I wish I was.

---3rd party POV---

The ringing of Fuji's cell phone brought everyone out of their thoughts. They all turned to their tensai, as he answered it. He opened his mouth to greet the caller, but he shut it quickly as the caller began to talk before he could get anything out.

Fuji's face held no expression, his eyes were shut but his mouth was sat into a stiraght line as the person on the other end spoke.

Oishi, who had began biting on his nails moved closer to him, trying to find out what was going on.

Finally after almost eternity Fuji's expression changed slightly as his lips turned upward just a bit. "So, he's okay?" He asked the person on the other end, after the person replied his mouth was set back into a straight line.

Oishi's face dropped and so did his heart, "Fuji…?"

"Arigatou, Hayata-san." He flipped his phone close, "He made it through the operation. Right now he is in recovery."

"Is he alright?"

-----------------

Yui Seiichiro, followed the stretcher closely as his patient was being wheeled from the operating room to the recovery ward. His blue scrubs were damp with sweat from the 3 hour operation.

He stopped walking, letting the stretcher and the other doctors and nurses continue down the hall, turning into the waiting room where he knew the Kikumaru family had been waiting.

He knocked on the open door that contained only contained the 6 people. Their heads snapped up, quickly being jarred from their sleep or other activities. "Sensei, how is my son?" Kakyuu stood up, going to the man.

"He made it through the surgery." He said putting a hand on her shoulder, "Right now he's going to recovery. I'll call you when he's settled, alright?"

The woman nodded and watched the man go. She breathed deeply trying to keep herself calm when in all reality she wanted to push past the doctor and find her son, to hold him and never let him go.

"Eiji…" He moaned quietly, she jumped slightly when her husband's arms went over her shoulder to pull her close to him.

"He's going to be fine, Kakyuu-chan."

"I don't know about that." She mumbled into his chest.

"He'll be fine." The man repeated, not only trying to convince his wife, but himself as well. "I promise."

-----------

Yui-sensei moved a couple of the several tubes that were attached to the young boy. He adjusted the oxygen mask that Eiji kept pulling on as he fought to wake up. He smirked as Eiji rambled in his sleep.

"Chocolates…" was the only word that came out that he could understand.

He turned to leave, to get the boys family when his hand was grabbed. He looked down at his patient who was looking up at him, blue eyes glazed over but slightly aware. "You kept it." He mumbled sleepily with a awkward smile. "Arigatou."

The doctor returned the smile, giving Eiji's hand a squeeze. "I'm going to get your parents." He was able to inform the boy before his eyes fluttered shut.

The man smiled, looking over his patient once more before leaving the room.

_I have one more promise to keep._

_-----_

"Hey baby." Kakyuu cooed, stroking her hand on his sons forehead and bald head. "Wake up for me okay?"

Eiji mumbled something incoherent, his white chapped lips moving slightly as he moved his head from side to side. Kakyuu looked up at her husband who was on the other side of the bed holding their sons hand.

"Eiji-chan, can you hear me?" He asked touching the boys chin; again they only received a mumble in response. Motoki sighed his eyes traveling over this sons pale face and down his body.

His eyes rest on Eiji's legs underneath the blanket; he could see the movement of his sons full left leg a foot at the end squirming around as the boy moved trying to fight the sedated sleep he was in. He couldn't make his eyes shift to the right where the other leg…should be.

He shut his eyes taking a deep breath before opening them again. His eyes landed on the right side of his son's body. As his eyes traveled down past the boys thigh, to his knee and then…it ended. The sheet curved over at the knee…it didn't travel down like with his right leg…this one just ended.

"It's really gone." He gasped, reached forward touching where the blanket smoothed out after curving off the knee.

Kakyuu didn't say anything she just continued stroking her son's head, wanting him to open his eyes.

"Sweetie, its mama. Open your eyes for me. C'mon you can do it." She ran her thumb gently over his eyes. They fluttered open his blue eyes wide and confused; he looked around his mouth slightly open.

"Hey there." His dad moved into Eiji line of view. Eiji looked at him and then looked away to his mom and then back. "Feeling kind of dopey?"

"Nauh…" Was the only response they received from their son before his eyes shut again and he drifted back into his drugged sleep.

--**EMIKO POV**--

"Am I dead?"

My head snapped towards the bed. "Eiji?" I questioned going closer to my baby brothers bed, taking his hand.

"I feel dead." He crocked out and then smiled weakly. I put my hand on his cheek brushing my thumb over it.

"You're not dead."

"Emiko?" He asked, titling his hand I cradled his cheek in my hands. His eyes were shut I noted.

"It's me; open your eyes Eiji-chan."

"Dead people can't open their eyes silly. You silly goose." He moved his head to the other side again away from my hand.

I could feel tears well up in my eyes, I know it's the medication making him act funny. But, it's disturbing to hear your little brother say things like that. "Y-you're not dead, you're alive." I reached out and gently moved his head to face me again. "You're alive."

Slowly he opened his eyes, after a couple moments he was able to focus and his tired blue eyes met mine. "It's still there."

"Nani?"

"My leg. I can still feel it, it's still there. They didn't take it."

My heart fell to the ground and my stomach twisted and my small turned into a tight frown. But Eiji's smile grew.

"Eiji, it's not there." I sat down on the chair beside the bed, grasping his hand. "it's gone."

He shook his head still smiling at me, "But, I can feel it."

"If you look-" I started but he cut me off, not breaking eye contact not loosing his smiled.

"I don't have to."

I sighed sadly shutting my eyes and leaning back in my chair. For the first time in a long time, I didn't have the right words to say to one of my siblings. But, of course, we've never been in a situation like this.

No child studies books I read for school, no experience I've had at the day care I work at can help me with this.

I opened my eyes to find Eiji still looking at me with his smile. I tried to smile back at him, but I couldn't. It broke my heart to see him this way, he truly believed his leg was there and I couldn't break his heart- I couldn't stand to _show_ him the truth. The show him the reality.

"Where's Kaa-chan?" He asked me, turning his head to looking at the ceiling. "I guess we can go home now."

"Eiji-chan…" I didn't know what to say. I stood up, "I'll go get Okaa-san." I squeezed his hand and left the room, I didn't make it even 4 steps from the door when I broke down.

_Kami-sama…help us._

---TBC---

**Authors Notes: **

So…I did it! His leg is gone! My poor Eiji-chan!

Please review. Suggestions?


	20. Chapter 18: I'm Not Okay

**Authors Notes: **Sorry about taking so long to update. I've been working and just doing a lot of stuff that hasn't giving me time to write and update. While working on this fic I've also been trying to work on my other fics from The Outsiders, however that has came to a dead end. I'm totally stuck on those.

Wow, I have now received over 200 reviews. Thank you so much everyone, you're awesome! All of you!

To answer a review from the last chapter.

... : Well, no I don't write all day. It would be impossible for me to do so when I was 10 hour days and then I have homework (online universities, you don't get a summer vacation) and then I sleep. No, I don't write for reviews, anyone who does that doesn't ENJOY writing. I enjoy it. Doesn't matter if I do it well or now, I love to do it.

Also, no one is a perfect writer. But, thanks for giving the fic a chance and reading it:)

Warnings: This chapter is one of the shorter ones, sorry about that. Also of course OCC-ness! Like always.

What will it take to show you that it's not the life it seems?  
(I'm not okay)  
I told you time and time again you sing the words but don't know what it means  
(I'm not okay)  
To be a joke and look, another line without a hook  
I held you close as we both shook for the last time take a good hard look!  
I'm not okay  
I'm not okay  
I'm not okay  
You wear me out

-My Chemical Romance

I'm Not Okay (I Promise)

--- Eiji's POV---

It's been about a 4 days since I had my seizure or whatever, but they won't let me go home! I'm fine, but they don't think I am. It's really weird. I was supposed to have my leg amputated, but it's still there. I can feel it. I know it's there…

They tell me its not.

But, I can't believe them…nya, iie…I don't believe them. How can I believe it if I can feel it.

"_Look Eiji. It's not there, just look!"_ Sensei and Tou-chan tell me. Why do I have to look when I know it's there? I already know what my leg looks like.

They're being weird and silly. I finally get to see my friends today, they should be coming soon. The Nationals are coming up in 3 weeks, maybe if I can get out of here and practice really hard I can participate.

Especially since now I'm in remission with my leukemia.

I'm nervous; I have no idea why I'm nervous. My hands are shaking and I'm sweating. My heart feels like it's about to jump out of my chest. Water…I need water.

"Mamo-chan?" I don't look at my aniki but I know he's there. Tou-chan and Kaa-chan are working, everyone else is in school.

"Eiji-chan?" He comes over to me; I can hear the worry in his voice.

They are always worried, all of them. Shouldn't they be happy? I'm not sick anymore, will not really _really_ sick anymore. But, they are always sad.

"Can I have some water, onegai?" I ask him still not looking at him; I sat up at the ceiling. This one square above me has about five thousand speckle dot things.

"Sure." I he moves over to the other side of me, and I listen to him as he pours water from the pitcher. Water…running water…

For the first time since I've been here, I realized I haven't been to the bathroom…like to use the bathroom. Maybe something is wrong with my kidneys, that's why they won't let me go home.

"Can you sit up?" He asks me, I shake my head, I don't want to. My back hurts when I move. He sighs and puts the straw to my lips and I drink until my thirst is quenched but I still feel nervous.

"Eiji…"

"Nya, Mamo-chan? Are my kidneys okay?" I wonder if all the ceiling tiles have the same amount of dots. It's boring to count them so I haven't done it to any of the other ones except for the one above me.

"Nani?"

"I haven't been to the bathroom since I've been here." I bite my lip, its chapped. I wonder if they have any lip balm or something in the GiftShop. Is there one here?

"Eiji…"

"Are my kidneys bad? You know, from the chemo or something?" Of course there is one here. It's a hospital.

"Iie, they're fine. You have a catheter, that's why you haven't been to the bathroom."

"Oh." Well, that didn't answer my question. I've always had my catheter in my chest; it never kept me from going to the bathroom.

I finally turn my head and look at him, giving him a smile. "How's the night club?"

He blinks a couple times, and I take his pause as a chance to look him over. His lost a lot of weight; his muscles use to bulge out everywhere in his purposely bought tiny shirts.

His hair was down, and was a mess all over his head and he looks like he hasn't shaven in a long time, Kikumaru men don't look right with facial hair, and I never had the heart to tell Ojii-chan that he looks funny with his mustache. His hair was down, and was a mess all over his head.

"It's fine." He finally answered giving me a funny look.

"What time is it?"

"15 minutes until noon."

I thought it was later than that! There is still a long time until I get to see my friends.

"You're therapist is coming soon."

"For what?" I question confused. What do I need a therapist for?

"She's going to move you around. Get you on your feet…ano…" He paused looking really sick for a moment. "Get you up and around."

"Nande?"

"Because you need to move around, Eiji-chan."

"Nande?"

"You've been on you back for days now. You won't even sit up; you're going to make yourself sick."

"Nande?" I let out a giggle; I'm starting to sound like Itsuki Marehiko from Rokkaku. Mamoru raises an eyebrow and touches my cheek. "My back hurts when I sit up, that's why I haven't."

"You're going to get sicker if you don't. Are you okay, Eiji?"

"I'm fine." I gave him and smile and turned my head to look up at the ceiling. _Ichi…Ni…San…Shi…Go…Roku…Shichi…Hachi…Ku…Juu…Juuichi_

"Eiji-kun?" a voice not belonging to Mamrou's calls my name and I snap my head to the side to see a rather large woman beside me. "My name is Maverin, and I'm going to be your physical therapist throughout your recovery and this is…" She paused stepping aside to reveal a much smaller woman, "Harada Hika here is going to be your psychological therapist, physiologist if you will."

I looked at the two women, "Why are you here?"

The larger woman, Maverin turned to the smaller woman, "Harada-sensei, I'll let you take this."

"Eiji-kun, I heard you prefer to be called by your given name?" She smiled at me, a smile that reminded me of my nurse from the Children's Hospital, Hotaru.

I nodded at her, not saying anything.

"Eiji-kun," She sat down in a chair that Mamoru brought her, "Do you know why you're here?"

"I had a seizure a couple days ago, triggered from my chemo."

"And?"

And what? "What else? That's the only reason I'm here."

"Do you remember having surgery a couple days ago?"

I nodded, I remembered going to the OR and then Yui-sensei was talking to me then I went to sleep. I woke up in the recovery room or something, "I still feel it."

"Eiji-kun, what you feel isn't real." She said gently like she was talking to a injured animal. "Your mind hasn't adjusted to the fact your leg is gone."

"Its not."

"Eiji-kun, your family told me you have really good eye sight, is that correct? When you played tennis, there wasn't a ball you couldn't see, ne?"

I nodded with a smile, "I can't wait to play again."

"I bet, but Eiji-kun, you're going to need a lot of help to be able to play again. First, you're going to have to help yourself."

"Nani?"

"Eiji-kun, your eyes never deceived you. Look down; I know it's going to be hard, demo look at your leg. It isn't there anymore."

"Demo…"

"If you want to be able to play again, you have to help yourself. You have to or you can't get anywhere."

I turned away from her; I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes. I couldn't believe it, I'm too scared to. If I believe it then it's real and…and my life is over.

"I can't."

"You can."

"I'm afraid." I am, I know that when I look down my leg won't be there. I know why I went into surgery, I know they weren't playing a game with me or joking with me. "I know it's gone, Harada-sensei. I didn't want to believe it, you know?"

"I know." Something in her voice made me turn back to her. She smiled at me- a type of knowing smile, and then removed her blue blazer she was wearing; I noticed how she mainly used her left hand to pull it off. "I'm an amputee also."

I stared at her right arm, it looked eerily real, but the more I looked that it I could clearly see it wasn't.

"I was in a car accident when I was in 16. I thought my life was over at that point. You see, I played spots, like you. Softball was my game and everyone thought I was going to be a pro one day and it was my dream to do so." She stopped talking and touched the prosthetic arm, "With the help of my family and friends I reached that dream."

"Then why are you here?"

She laughed, "I'm nearing 30 years old. During my career as a softball player I went to school for psychology. I wanted to help others who are going through the same thing I went through."

I looked away from her, closing my eyes. I have to do this.

I just don't want to.

"Eiji-chan?" My brother Mamoru voice said really close to my ear. "We're here to help you, all of us. We're going to support you and love you."

I turned my head, my nose rubbing against his. _Eskimo kisses._ When I was younger and had a nightmare kaa-chan or who ever woke me us would calm me down by giving me Eskimo kisses…

I opened my eyes, "Promise?"

"Of course."

I shut my eyes again taking a deep breath. "Help me up."

Keeping my eyes close, I could feel the back of the bed starting to move me up. That feeling came back- that nervous feeling- my hands were shaking and, my heart felt like it was going to jump out of my chest.

When the bed stopped, I slowly opened my eyes. I didn't look to the side, up or down. Just straight across the room.

"Eiji-kun? Are you ready?"

"Yui-sensei is he here?"

"I'll get him."

It didn't take long for Yui-sensei to get there, just a couple minutes. I smirked to myself thinking if he was a surgeon, he would've dropped everything leaving his patient open to come here

"Everything okay?" He asked, panting. "Eiji-kun?"

"He's ready, to look at it Sensei." Mamoru said.

I turned to my sensei as he put his hand on my shoulder; I looked up at him to see him smiling down at me. He spoke no words, he didn't need to.

"Ready?" Maverin asked I slowly turned to look at her; she was at the base of the bed clutching the sheets.

Iie. "Hai."

I squeezed my eyes shut as the blanket was pulled back; cool air hit my left leg but my right leg…

I slowly opened my eyes, looking down. I couldn't say anything, I couldn't even think. My left leg was fine, I wanted to wiggle my toes and I did. I could see my toes moving. I shifted my glaze over to the right…no toes, no foot…just air.

Just a stump wrapped in gauze.

It's really gone.

"Eiji, are you okay?"

Hai, I'm fine. I can handle this… "Iie, I'm not okay."

--- Oishi's POV ---

"Are you ready?" I look up from my bag to see Fuji standing above me, wearing our school uniform his tennis bag over his shoulder.

I zip up my bag and start to stand, and then I hesitate. _Am I ready?_

I don't know what to expect when I see Eiji. I haven't seen him since…he had a break down in the hospital. Now, he….

"Oishi?"

"I-I'm ready." We walked out of the locker room the other guys were outside waiting for us.

"Let us know how Eiji-senpai is doing." Echizen said, pulling on the end of his new cap. I nodded at him, smiling at our youngest Regular.

"If he's up for visitors; tell him we'll see him tomorrow." Tezuka said with a sharp nod of his head.

"We will." Fuji said, with a smile his eyes close.

"Ano…here is some coupons from my family for his to our restaurant." Takashi handed us a large coupon book.

"Arigatou, Taka-san, I know they'll appreciate it."

With a couple good-byes we left the school grounds. The hospital was probably only a 15 minutes walk from school we basically cut it down to 10 minutes. It was hard keep up with Fuji who weaved in and out of the crowed intersections and side walks of Tokyo.

By the time we made in into the hospital elevator I felt as if I was going to pass out from lack of oxygen. "Fuji…you nearly…pushed a man…into the streets." I panted out glaring up at him.

He smiled down at me, finding humor in seeing my pain as I sat on the floor of the steel box. "Saa, you saved him. So where is the problem?"

"Fuji." I said, trying to scold but I was to tired.

"Ne, Oishi, you need to work on your stamina."

"Nani?"

He chuckled as me, and stepped out of the elevator as it came to a stop on the floor Eiji was located on.

When we made it to his room, my stomach was doing flip flops. I stood back as Fuji raised his hand to knock on the door; I adjusted the bag on my shoulder and stuffed my hands into my pocket.

"Come in." Came Eiji's voice and Fuji opened the door going into the room, I closely followed him.

Eiji wasn't in his bed, but sitting beside it in a chair. "Hoi hoi!" He waved at us, a small smile on his face.

"Eiji, how are you?" We went over to him, both giving him quick hugs before he made us sit on his bed.

"Meh, tired." He rolled his eyes and then looked at me, "Nya, Oishi? You okay? You look…winded."

I glared at Fuji who started to laugh, "Trying to keep up with Fuji is a warm up all in its own."

He just smiled at us, he didn't laugh and didn't saying anything- he didn't tease me like I thought he would've. Like I hoped he would've.

He broke eye contact with us and looked down at his lap that was covered with a blanket. He didn't say anything to us for a couple minutes. We didn't say anything to him…what could we say?

I just starred at his lap, wondering…if under the blanket… is it really gone?

I was finally able to look away and started looking down at my own lap.

"It's gone." Eiji finally said, I was barely able to hear him. His voice was low, it took my mind awhile to comprehend what he had said. "It's really gone."

"Eiji…" Fuji started but stopped when Eiji pulled the blanket from his lap.

"See?"

My breathe painfully stopped in my chest for a second when my eyes met his right leg. It really was gone.

His left leg was still intact and his foot, adorning a blue house slipper, was planted flat on the floor…his right leg though, just ended. A white gauze covered stump came over the edge of the chair he was sitting on.

"It's not going to grow back…" He stated sadly, recovering his lap with the blanket. "Nya…but you guys know I'm in remission, ne? I'm cancer free right now." He looked up at us, a smile on face.

One that didn't reach his eyes.

-- Fuji's POV --

Eiji is trying to be strong. For more people then just himself.

He's trying to be strong for Oishi and I, for his whole family. He's trying to be strong for his sensei, for everyone who loves him.

I feel…useless right now. He's laughing and talking- trying to be himself, trying to be strong. He's trying to be the Eiji we miss, the Eiji he was before he got sick. He's trying to be him…for us.

Those who don't know him, might be tricked by this forged smile and laugher that reached their ears. But, us, those who know him and love him we can see all to clearly it doesn't reach those eyes.

His leg is really gone. When he first showed us, I didn't believe it. But, there it was…or more like, it wasn't.

Images flashed through my mind, Eiji running on the courts. Jumping in the air, flipping around. Eiji walking on the walls that weaved through out the city. Him doing cartwheels.

Things he did everyday when he was healthy. Would he be able to do those things again?

"_I'm okay."_

Iie, you're not.

"_I'll be fine."_

You will, but do you really believe it?

I didn't say to much during or visit, I didn't know what I could say. My mind was working too much and I was afraid that- what I'm thinking I would come out and say.

"Nya…Fuji?"

I feel a hand brush over my own and my eyes meet Eiji's. I smile at him he just frowns.

Damn, what did I do?

"Stop thinking." He says and then lets out a smile, "You're going to develop wrinkles!"

"Saa, I guess you'll never have wrinkles then." I smirk at him, and he nods crossing his arms over his chest.

"That's right! Beca…wait a minute. Nyaaaa! Fujiko that's mean!"

Beside me Oishi laughs and I join in as Eiji beings to give me a earful.

Again, someone who doesn't know us or Eiji to well, would think this is good. Eiji is laughing and smiling, joking with his friends. All is well.

It's not though. I wouldn't say everything is forced, but something is being forced out. You can hear the strains in the laughing, you can see the corners of the mouth quiver.

Demo…soon, everything will be fine. Everything will be normal, nothing will be forced.

I turn my head and for a moment my eyes meet Oishi's green ones. I know we're thinking the same thing.

We're here to support Eiji.

We're here to help him regain what he's lost. To help him give a true smile and let out a true laugh.

"I'm okay." Eiji say's countless of times during our visit as we talk about other things.

We don't say anything, just smile at him and go back to the subject.

Right now, we know he's not okay.

He will be.

**---TBC---**

**Authors Notes: **Well? I'm not to sure when the next update will be. I have already stared it and its kinda a major part of this fic. We'll see more people for the other schools and so forth. It's going to take a while to get that chapter up because : waves air plane ticket : Japan here I come! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Yeah… Anyway, review.


	21. Help?

This is not a update. Sorry!

Anyway, I would love to continue this fic, but I lost interest Tennis no Ohjisama a while ago, however I'm getting back into it! Started over watching it and everything…

So…I need ideas! I'm not sure if I want to keep it as is and just continue where I left off or change somethings... Send me your advice, suggestions and blah…I really want to restart this by summer!

I'll be editing the chapters that are up in the next week.

Email me at purified (underscore) darkness ( at ) yahoo dot com.

Thanks.


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